Chapter 30

**Xavier Black**

Two days. We have to days to mentally prepare ourselves for a wedding and I think Skyler and Candice are the only ones that are happy about it. When she went to sleep last night I had taken the time to call the doctor and that's where we are now. I don't think I can marry her if she's not in a stable mind-set and I kind of figure she's not when she wants to get married after she's been held captive almost three days and killed five people.

"Is she okay?" I ask the doctor as soon as he walks out of the room.

"I don't know what to tell you, Mr. Black. She could still just be in shock and that might be what's causing this behaviour but otherwise she seems fine. She's completely competent and she knows what happened and what she did and although I can tell she feels bad about it she seems to understand she didn't have another way out. I can recommend her something if you're worried but the best thing for her now is just to keep a close eye on her." He says and I roll my eyes.

"You mean, you want wait and see if she doesn't go crazy?" I ask him and he gives me a careful look.

"In theory but everyone reacts different to things. She might be completely fine, she might not. Only time will tell." He tells me and then Skyler walks out of the examination room, dressed and looking a little less tired than she looked yesterday. She gives me a small smile and shrugs her shoulders.

"Can we go?" She asks and it's such a normal question but it almost floors me. I nod quietly before saying goodbye to the doctor and leading her out of the hospital. No one talks as we drive away from the building but I think I rather prefer it that way. "Say what you want to say." She says as we stop at a red light and I stare at her before letting out a breath.

"I'm worried about you." I say and she nods. "I mean, you killed five people, not because you wanted to but still and now you're here. Acting like nothing happened and you want to get married in two days." I say and I realize she's doing exactly what I'm doing and I don't know if I like it, in fact I know I hate it.

"I'm not acting like nothing happened. I know I killed five people, I was there." She says but it's like she's talking about what she has wear for a party.

"So, how do you feel about that?" I ask and I wonder when I turned into a fucken shrink.

"Like I'm a monster and the sooner I accept that, the sooner I can live with myself again." She says and my breath hitches.

"You're not a monster." I quietly say and she shakes her head.

"I am though, not because of the people I killed because I didn't have a choice. They would have killed me and they shot Tristan and I had to save him." She says and I look at her in confusion. "I spend all last night lying awake and thinking I should have killed Natalie. Feeling like I was cheated out of something when I didn't see her body crumble to the floor. I keep feeling like I should ask you if I could be the one to end it but that makes me feel like a monster because a part of me still feels like she doesn't deserve to die but the bigger part of me just wants her dead." She explains and by the tears running down her cheeks I know she still human. She might feel like a monster but she still cares about people, even when they've hurt her beyond words.

"You're not a monster, I've killed people for a lot less." I tell her and she looks over at me, her eyes still shining with tears, her face still wet with them.

"Do you regret it?" She asks and I think about it for a while. There were times that my nightmares kept me awake but now they're just dreams.

"Not anymore. I don't kill people without a reason and I don't feel guilty when I do. If anyone's a monster here, it should be me." I tell her and she bites her lip.

"Maybe we can be monsters together." She whispers and I let the silence between us pass as my agreement.

******

"Is she okay?" Sniper asks as I walk into my basement that I've remodelled into a den for the guys to hang out in when they come over.

"She's fine, Max." I tell him and watch as the tension leaves his shoulders. Skyler's really gotten under his skin and I can't say I blame her because she's done the same to me.

"So, you're really going forward with this?" Gabe asks and I nod slowly.

"You don't have to come if you can't handle it." I say because I know he was supposed to walk down the isle with Natalie and now he can't do that.

"I'll be there, you're my best friend." He says and I nod at him.

"James agreed to sit out so we can be an even number." Ura says, from where he's sunken into a bean bag chair, typing something on his phone. I nod, grab a beer from the fridge and take a seat in one of the couches.

"What are we going to do with them?" Gabe asks the question that's been on everyone's minds. For now I've ordered my men to keep them fed and drugged so they can't cause a problem, not that they'll even have half the chance to do so.

"I think I'll let Skyler decide." I find myself saying and they all look at me like I've lost my mind.

"Do you want her to go crazy?" Sniper asks and I shake my head, giving him a coy smile.

"She's not going to go crazy, she's already there." I say and it takes a second for them to realize what I'm saying before they burst out in laughter.

"Do you think she'll go easy on them?" Ura asks and I shake my head.

"Not from what I've heard. If she could give me a hard time while still falling in love with me I don't want to imagine what she's going to do to Natalie. She might just shoot Demetri though but I'm hoping she'll feed him to the dogs." I say and they nod in agreement.

I'm fully aware anyone listening in to this conversation would think we're insane and they might be right but so was Skyler. We're all monsters here but we don't try to hide it. We know what we're doing when we're doing it and we don't pretend to be saints. We're not cold but we're not excatly warm and cuddly people either and we're okay with that. We are who we are and we take care of each other because that's what we do and by the look in Skyler's eyes today I can see she's finally excepted that and I can't be more pleased.

She'll never in her life do half the things I do and she can never be the monster I am but what she can be is my queen and I'll protect her till the day I die.