Chapter 22. Ashamed Self

**22. Ashamed Self**
**Rafael's POV:**
My mate. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life—a deity in human form.
Unlike other werewolves or supernatural creatures, her skin was coated in a gorgeous tan. Her eyes were a magnificent dark brown, as huge as a gazelle, and her long lashes decorated her face nicely. Soft brown hair framed her features, and my gaze lingered on her lips, enticing and tempting to have a taste of them.
I mentally shook my head, reminding myself not to scare her.
She, too, was staring at me with innocent eyes that encompassed my entire universe. I have to stop myself; I need to gain her trust first, and for the rest, I have my life to live with her.
She glanced away from me, then grabbed her dress strap and began taking it from her shoulder. I couldn't figure out why she suddenly began stripping down. Why was she doing this when she was clearly uncomfortable?
"What are you up to?" I grimaced, turning away.
She didn't respond and continued stripping, and when I turned around, she was naked save for her undergarments.
"What are you doing, Astrid?" I asked her again, but this time in a more serious tone. She came to a halt in front of me and glanced at me.
"Look at me, isn't this what you were looking for?" she asked.
"Huh?" I frowned but kept my head down.
"Isn't that why you bought me? To have an heir? To have me?" Her voice carried a hint of agony. "Look at me, look into my eyes, and see the terror you've instilled in me," she pleaded.
I felt accused of something I had not intended to do.I looked her in the eyes and saw millions of emotions swirling inside her gorgeous brown orbs, but everything was overshadowed by her fear of me.
"Astrid, who told you I..." I began, trying to explain, but she cut me off as she backed away from me.
"I know what you are or who you are, and don't come to me telling me that you are different because all men are the same; you just want a piece of me and then you're going to treat me like trash." I had to help since she was hyperventilating.
"No, I.." I was once again cut off in the middle of my sentences.
"Yes, that is why you were embarrassed to announce me as your mate and why you didn't even tell anyone that I am your mate, and maybe after everything you will reject me as he did," she began to tremble, and I had to stop there.
I can defend myself later, but for the time being, I must consider her health. I approached her cautiously, and she closed her eyes shut. Approaching her cautiously, she expected the worst. Instead, I draped a quilt around her, momentarily easing her confusion.
When she felt the thick cloth enveloping her, she opened her eyes and stared at me, puzzled.
"Rest up, I won't be returning for a bit," I attempted to say in the calmest voice I could muster.
She blinked at me, but I didn't give her another glance before exiting the room, slamming the door behind me.
I called Bryan again. "Bryan, come into my office right now," I said.
I used the time I was waiting for him to think about what had gone wrong.
To the best of my recollection, I didn't speak to her in a high pitch, yet she seemed terrified of me as if I were about to harm her.
My life's purpose had always been to make my mate feel secure in my arms, a place where she could truly feel at home.
Despite being known for my rough speech or sometimes silence, I hadn't done anything reckless with her. So, why was she so upset with me?
I had envisioned a ceremonial introduction, with everyone welcoming her and acknowledging her as their queen. However, revealing her without claiming her might expose her to danger from wild vampires who could mistake her for a rogue wolf. That's why I had refrained from disclosing anything to them just yet.
I must first deal with my father and inform him of my situation. I couldn't believe she thought I bought her because I needed my heir from her.
She was scared of me. For the first time in my life, I felt helpless because I couldn't do anything to calm my mate down.
I tried to read her mind to see what her thoughts were, but there was something shielding her thoughts. Not like her mother's thoughts though, hers I could peek into them even though they were hazy.
Perhaps this is what Mom meant when she said when I was going to see someone special that I would have to work hard to understand her.I guess I'll never know her thoughts, I mean, I can't read them till she's willing to tell me.
Bryan entered the room, glancing at me.
"Bryan, you went to her house with her, right? What exactly happened there?" I inquired.
"Whose house, sir?" he squinted at me, perplexed.
"Which house did you visit?" I muttered through gritted teeth.
"You mean our queen's house?" he said, his face contorted.
"Of course, you're a dolt," I muttered, restraining the urge to punch him
"Nothing much other than it looked like she was assigned the space down the stairs as a room and she had little to no important things to bring along. while we were returning there was a guy who came in who I got to know was her brother and they had some small argument" he briefed me on everything, including the conversation they had.
My mate has gone through so much, and I'm guilty myself for not finding her sooner because I could have saved her from everything.
Even from that Edward even though I acted like I was not bothered it was difficult for me to digest.
I'm not troubled by the fact that I'm her second mate, but I am bothered by the fact that she seemed to be madly in love with Edward. When I read his mind, I saw her pleading with him not to reject him and telling him how much she loved him.
I'm not sure where I stand with everything happening right now or if she still has feelings for him. I hate myself because she was afraid of me and acted as if I was a threat to her as if I only bought her for her body.
I'm not sure what she thinks of me; perhaps she thinks I'll lust after her body and exploit her fear. There are so many questions I'd like to have answered, but only she can. But first, I need to find my place in her life. I need to show her that I am worthy of her love.
"Sir... Sir... Sir..." Bryan's voice interrupted my thoughts.
"What is it, Bryan?" I snapped.
"Did you zone out?" he asked, inches from my face.
He continued to stare at my face, but I pushed him away from me. "What's the matter with you, bloody mo..." I was going to hurl insults at him.
"That's so unusual, Rafael Delmar, zoning like that..." I threw him a death stare. "Anyway, I was wondering if you needed anything else from me, Your Highness?" Bryan asked.
I stood up and slid my coat back into the chair.
"Yes, follow me," I said as I put on my blazer.
"Where are we going?" he asked, chasing after me.
"To pay Daddy Dearest a visit."
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**Should I stick with Rafael's point of view or switch to Astrid's?**
**I have both ready, and I had planned to write Astrid's POV next, but I can easily switch the chapter if that's what you all want.**
**And no you can't ask for both. *Lol* I am writing these chapters in advance to save them up for this month's end which has something important for me coming up. I will let you know then.**
**Stay tuned ... I love you all<3**
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