Chapter Fifty Seven

Chapter 57

"No, I don't want to see him,” Jemima stated, her eyes pleading as she stared at Jay. Jay could see the pain and fear dancing in her beautiful dark eyes. One day he’d tell her, probably over a cup of coffee or in bed, when they had just finished making love, he’d tell her how her eyes depicted so many emotions.

How they reminded him of the sun in an eclipse- beautiful and dark, covered by a cloud.
But not today. Today, he was just going to be her friend.

“Why Jem?” Jay finally said, breaking the momentary silence that had engulfed them. The church bell rang again, signifying the passage of another hour.

“I only just got him back. I can’t lose him again,” Jemima sobbed, her breath caught in her throat as she stared at him. Tears glistened from the corner of her eyes and her cheeks were flushed from cold. She had been outside for so long. Jay took her hands in his and noted that they were icy.

He didn’t say anything, instead, he just rubbed them, attempting to return warmth to them. He inhaled deeply and shut his eyes while Jemima stared at him. She wondered what was going through his mind but remained mute.

When Jay finally exhaled, he chose his next words carefully. He had come to understand that Jemima, regardless of the tough front she always put up, was sensitive on the inside.

“Would you rather stay here and hear Marcus has died or would you rather be with him in his last moments?”

Jay’s words struck a nerve and it was then she realized she was being incredibly selfish.

“Oh My God! I’m here feeling sorry for myself when Marcus could be scared. Shit! I have to go!” Jemima muttered hurriedly, causing Jay to smile satisfactorily. His words have had the intended effect on Jemima.

Without further ado, Jay led Jemima out of the church. Jemima glanced back and mouthed a thank you to the air. She had come in feeling despaired but now she felt renewed hope and even if Marcus was going to eventually die, she had come to realize that some things are out of your control.

In a matter of minutes, they arrived at the hospital and Jemima dashed towards Marcus’s ward with Jay following closely behind.
Once inside, Jemima saw Alan and Vanessa on either side of Marcus’s bed. All the color had completely drained from his body and Jemima’s breath hitched in her throat.

All eyes turned to her and she ignored them, going to Marcus’s side.

“Where have you been Jem?” Alan inquired, his voice shaky. His eyes were red and puffy, a telltale sign that he had been crying.

“I’m sorry Alan. I shouldn’t have bolted away just like that,” Jemima apologized and took his hands in hers, noting his disheveled hair and wearied eyes. It suddenly dawned on Jemima that Marcus was losing the only parent he had ever known and this wasn’t so easy on him either. If anything happened to either Marcus or Jon, they only had each other to console.

Alan said nothing and kept his gaze locked on Jay. On another day he would have been enraged by his presence but not today. Today, he was too tired.

“Jem!” Marcus' hoarse voice croaked through the charged atmosphere. Emotions were running high and even he could sense that. Jemima bent to his eye level, refocusing her attention back to him.

“I’m here Marcus. I’m here now,” Jemima reassured, rubbing Marcus’s pale knuckles.

“Alright boys, let’s go!” Vanessa ordered, her motherly tone kicking in as she ushered Alan and Jay outside. They grudgingly obliged and left the ward for Jemima and Marcus.

“I wanted to tell you Jem! I tried so many times to tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“No Marcus! You don’t have to apologize. I don’t blame you.”

Marcus smiled at his twin - they were so similar yet so different.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I do Jem.” Marcus pleaded, his words sharp and curt as he spoke.

He heaved heavily as he tried to sit up but Jemima stopped him, afraid that he might break. He looked too frail.

“I’m still the godfather you know,” Marcus pointed out, attempting to sound brave, prompting a chuckle out of Jemima and more tears gushed from her eyes.

“I love you, Marcus! I love you so much!” Jemima said, burying her nose in the crook of his neck. She nuzzled him for a few minutes and they both said nothing. Each enjoying the final moments they had.

“I was diagnosed with this illness a year after the drowning incident. The doctors said I had ingested too much water and it bloated up my kidneys and livers. One of each had to go because of how badly damaged they were and the other ones were the cancerous ones. They needed to do a transplant but that would take years and each year would be a year further from you. I needed to find you. And I did. I don’t regret not opting for the transplant. The only thing I regret was not coming to you the moment I found you. These past few weeks with you have been the best time of my life and…”

Marcus coughed, blood spilling from his mouth. He immediately grabbed a bucket that was provided for him and spat inside.

Jemima watched him and wished she could ease him of the pain.

When the coughing had died down, Marcus continued, “I don’t want you to ever blame yourself. It was not your fault, none of this was your fault. And I just want to let you know that I am proud of you. I am proud of the woman you’ve become. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You are sensitive and sweet and that’s fine. Don’t hold back on anything Jem.”

“Live life, love life, experience, and enjoy the present. You’ve held on to the past for so long and that’s the only thing you know. It’s time to let go and focus on the present. Time flows like a river, once it has passed, it can never be regained. Go Sky diving, bungee jumping, shave your head, climb a mountain, go skiing. Dare to do the things you are afraid to do. You only live once!”

“Well, you only die once too,” Jemima commented with a hint of amusement lacing her tone, eliciting a soft chuckle from me.

“Remember the time you wanted to drink coffee and I mixed up the sugar and salt bowls, then you ended up putting a whole bunch of sugar in your coffee?” Marcus reminisced, causing Jemima to laugh.

Her heart wrenched from the pain she was feeling as soon as she realized what he was trying to do- he was trying to lessen the pain for her.

“And that’s why I filled your backpack with a lot of spiders even though I knew you were afraid of them.”

“A little secret, I still am afraid of spiders!”

They both laughed heartily, tears streaming down Jemima’s face as she laughed because she knew this was the last time they were going to have a conversation. This was the last time she was going to see him laugh, the last time she was going to hear him.

They relived childhood memories and continued talking till suddenly, Marcus started coughing, his eyes bulging out of his sockets, alarming Jemima.

“Doctor!” She yelled, her voice shaky and weak. Tears streaming down her cheek.

“I love you more than you can ever imagine Jem!” Marcus whispered before the doctor arrived. Jemima smiled at him and he smiled back as the others rushed in. He gave her a wink and breathed his last, smiling.

Jemima stopped sobbing and wiped the tears off of her face.

“I’m so sorry Jem,” Alan whispered, tears glistening from the corner of his face. Without a donor in sight, he too was about to lose his father.

Jemima was motionless, her tears had stopped running and she just stared at Marcus’s cold body. It had only been a few moments ago that she was laughing with him and reminiscing with him. She was going to cry again. If her tears hadn’t saved him, her tears weren’t going to bring him back so there was no point shedding them.

Soon enough, the doctor handling Jon’s case rushed in.

“Mr Alan, your father has called for you. He doesn’t have much time to leave,” The doctor said frantically.

“Wait!” Jemima called out, stopping them in their tracks. They all turned to her and watched as she inhaled deeply.

“Is there something you want to say Jem?” Alan queried, the worry in his voice evident as he watched her carefully. Jemima nodded, struggling to contain her emotions.

“Doctor, did the cancer affect Marcus’s heart?” Jemima inquired, taking the doctor by surprise.

“What?”

“Marcus’s cancer, did it metastasize to his heart?” Jemima asked, her heart clenching at the thought of what she was about to do. She hadn’t thought it through in the heat of the moment but she couldn’t dare to lose the man she considered her father and her brother in one night.

“Well we are not certain but we’d have to run a couple of tests but it’s highly unlikely.”

“So there’s a chance Marcus' heart could still be beating?”

“Yes.”

Jemima held her breath for a moment before releasing it. Well here goes nothing, she thought to herself before rushing the words out…

“Give Jon, Marcus’s heart.”