39 : Emptiness inside

**Evelyn :**

It had been two days since I lost my soulmate. Two agonising and long days. Forty-eight hours looking from the hotel balcony at the place where everything crumbled before my eyes.

The police had closed off the entire area, people could not get there so easily. The tapes were everywhere, blocking everyone's way and the beautiful nightclub was in ashes.

My eyes were fixed there, my body hadn't even moved, if only when Luke told me to eat something and go to the bathroom. I probably already smelled bad, not having showered for days.

I felt his pity for me. I hated it because I didn't want to accept the fact that I had lost my Phoenix. My eyes were already tired from crying.

"He's alive, I know. Raphael wouldn't give up so easily knowing I'm still here. It just takes more time for things to go back to normal," I whispered to myself, my words hanging in the air with a tiny thread of hope.

Clenching my fists, my eyes closed, feeling the slight wind in my hair, my legs already numb from sitting in the same position.

A Phoenix is a fire bird who is enternal. Who lives again after every death so he was strong enough to survive. He will rise again this time. A little hope and faith in it were the only things that kept me alive because breathing was harder than ever.

My eyes shot open when I suddenly remembered something. Raphael’s words flashed through my mind like a painful memory.

**"How does it activate?"**

**Phoenix looks at me and smiles, "With special words to be uttered on the night when the blood moon has risen, some sort of ritual must be performed. The blood of a sacrifice is required.''**

“Luke!’’

"What is it! What happened!?" Phoenix’s brother runs out to the balcony, seeing me still on my knees when he looks at me like I'm crazy, not understanding why I'm screaming like that.

My words get stuck in my throat as I try to collect my thoughts, “Raphael said that the orb needs the victim's blood to activate and the blood moon must rise the night he says the special words. Did he do that?"

Luke frowns,”You think the ritual wasn't done right?"

I nodded, though it was a dubious thought, " I don't remember there being a blood moon that night, wouldn't the whole sky be a shade of red? And about that sacrificial blood…he had to kill someone to make it? Right?"

Luke looks at me in surprise, "If you think about it, yes, I remember that night very well now but I haven't thought about the ritual steps at all."

"But if it didn't work, why did everything blow up there? Where's Raphael?!” I was already hysterical.

"I don't know, sunshine, I really don't know," the king's brother was almost in tears, looking at the sky through the window with a sad look, and I softened. I knew very well that not only I was shaken by these tragic events but also his brother. At least he was around all those years when I wasn't around.

"I'm sorry Luke for raising my voice like that, I just don't understand...I wish I could go back in time and change everything for the better," I sighed heavily and stood up.

Almost falling on my knees again, I braced myself against the railing, realising that my legs were like two vegetables, sitting all the time and not going anywhere, so it was difficult to start moving.

"Can I help you somehow?" I hear him ask in worry but I shake my head, smiling in Luke’s direction.

"I'll handle it myself. If you don't mind, I'll go to my room and...I really appreciate you being with me, I would have given up on my own."

Luke smiled softly and squeezed my shoulder, "Always."

****

*It was hard to breathe, I knew that, but I had to keep going. The smoke made it hard for me to breathe because I had to cough constantly but I didn't want to give up. It was difficult, of course, to see anything through all the ashes and debris, but I tried to keep myself on my feet, with the hope that I would find him.*

*“Raphael!”*

*Coughing again, I cupped my hand over my mouth, feeling my voice getting hoarse with each passing second. I somehow ended up in the same place where the explosion happened but in my dream there was debris everywhere. There were still the remains of the building in flames and ashes but I saw nothing but smoke, which made me cry because tears were already in my eyes.*

*“R-Raphael! W-where are you!"*

*"I'm right here,sweetheart,” a low but comforting voice echoed back to me, making me almost fall over in shock but also hope was all I felt because if I actually heard what I really wanted to hear then it will be the end of my suffering if I see him again.*

*“Raphael! Where are you?"*

*"Here. Just go ahead and you'll see me, just don't give up," now the tone was sterner, as if my condition would anger him but I didn't understand why because I was going to save him.*

*I took a deep breath but it must have been the wrong move because I inhaled the most of the smoke, which made me cough even more and I fell to my knees, something sharp stabbing me in the leg. Almost passing out from the pain, I screamed faintly, my throat clogged with smoke, my eyes unable to see anything but I thought I saw a bright orange light in the distance, even brighter than the flames themselves.*

*“Raph…’’ ael, I guess I'm not strong enough to continue, I'm so tired.... my voice had given out because it was hard to breathe but in my mind I tried to assure myself that he would be fine , as long as I'm here.*

*"I said don't give up! Why don't you always listen to me?" I could hear his anger in the distance and I would laugh at it if I could but my eyes grew heavier and I gave in to the world of darkness.*

****

I gasped for air as my eyes flew open but it was hard to breathe from the start when I woke up from that dream. No. Even worse. A nightmare. The hotel room was in complete darkness and silence, so it was scary to wake up alone, knowing what the dream was about.

A loud sob broke out of me as the pain in my heart increased. I didn't know what it meant but I had no idea if it was a good sign that I heard him in my dream or a bad sign.

I wasn't given enough time with Phoenix at this point in my life but it was enough to make me fall in love with him all over again. Knowing that I might never see him again filled me with agonising fear. The more I expect the impossible, the more I degrade myself to despair.

At first I didn't believe myself that I would start loving him, knowing that I didn't trust him when he trapped me in his house, but now I couldn't imagine life without him. How can I live forward if I have lost my other half? The only one that was made just for me? What should I do to not feel the pain that is raging in my heart?

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, trying not to collapse even more as I thought about my dream. What could this mean? Maybe Phoenix is still alive, but I have to find him somehow? What should I even begin with if I saw with my own eyes how the whole building was collapsing, being complectly on fire?

I slowly got out of bed to go to the balcony to breathe the fresh air. It was a pitch black night so I could see the streets with the help of lanterns, which somewhat gave a clear view that everyone was still asleep, due to the silence and also the fact that no cars were visible on the main highway. Placing my hands on the railing, I stared at the place where the nightclub had recently stood, remembering the last moments between me and Phoenix.

*What were you thinking when you launched that orb? You knew well that if it destroys your race, you too may perish. How can I live without you now?*

Now, instead of swirming police officers, firefighters and ambulances, all that was left was police tape, which was blowing in all directions in the wind. That sight alone made me almost cry again, realising the worst thing, that I really was left alone. Already again.

Everyone was dying because of me, it was painful to realise that.

Closing my eyelids just to feel the crisp night air on my body, I got goosebumps as soon as it touched my skin but a noise behind me that I heard suddenly made me open my eyes again to try understand the cause. As I was about to turn around, a strong hand covered my mouth from behind and I was pulled backwards, inside the hotel room. Unable to scream because of the tight grip, the balcony door was closed, enclosing me and my captor in complete darkness. Not even a minute passed when I was pushed against the wall, my back against a firm chest.

It was a good few minutes or just seconds when I started trying to get out of my captor's arms but he pulled me closer to him, much tighter, a whisper in my ear made me stop like I was paralysed when I also felt sparks on my face with his palm as it still covered my mouth, and from his lips that touched me while whispering in my ear.

"Shh, it's just me," a low familiar voice spoke.

*Oh my god.*