Chapter Thirty-One: Aspen

Chapter Thirty-One
~ Aspen ~

I think it was safe to say that my plan backfired. I hadn’t seen E or Grey for several hours. I tried asking Jax what happened, but he just kept saying he didn’t know with a lazy shrug. Will was useless. He’d been sitting up on the rooftop deck since the fight. He was moping and I didn’t feel it was my place to interrupt.
I’d kept myself busy making sure the twins found their parents and that everyone else got dinner for the night. More and more, it seemed like things were falling on me. I didn’t necessarily mind, but I didn’t know if I was up to the task either. At least not by myself.
I understood that Will, Grey, and E were all dealing with their own demons. That much was obvious. But it didn’t give them the right to freak out on those around them and ditch their responsibilities. I had been through a lot too, and here I was pulling my own weight. I heard the door to the kitchen open but continued drying the dishes.
“Aspen.” It was Grey, sounding much calmer. I didn’t turn around even though I heard him step closer. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think I’m the one who needs to hear that.” I almost rolled my eyes. He hadn’t done anything to me, so why he felt the need to apologize, I had no idea.
“I talked to Lexa and Gracelyn already.”
I noticed that he didn’t say he made things better with them. Just that they’d talked. He was trying to be sneaky. I sighed and carried on my task for the night. I was utterly exhausted, but these dishes needed to be done before I could go to bed. We wouldn’t have enough for breakfast if I didn’t do them now.
“Can you look at me?” He sounded a little wounded.
I decided to ignore him. I didn’t know what he was trying to do, and I didn’t care to find out. I just wanted to finish this and get to bed. Then, we could start a new day tomorrow and pretend like none of this ever happened. That’s what mom and I had always done. When dad got angry, we let him have his moment and then never mentioned it again.
He surprised me when he gently gripped my hip and turned me to face him. He was closer than I thought. He stood only a foot away, looking sincerely into my eyes. I tried to take a step back, but the counter full of dishes pushed against my back.
“I’m sorry.” He repeated, not letting me look away.
“Okay.” I replied dumbly. I honestly had no idea what to do with this information. Dad never apologized. Yelling and silence I could deal with, but apologies were new.
“I’m nothing like him.” Grey’s voice had a little edge to it now, but it was still gentler than I’d ever heard it. “I can’t stand you thinking that.”
“I asked you not to read my thoughts.” I finally lowered the plate in my hand onto the counter, only just realizing that I was still holding it. Grey stepped closer, which I hadn’t thought was possible, and let his eyes wander over my face.
“They’re really, really loud.” He was leaning in, his eyes still holding mine as if to ask for permission.
I was a little dazed. No part of me was expecting this to happen. I really thought he would sulk in the gym and let me avoid him until tomorrow. That was my plan. Plans were good. Being in this position with him was not a part of the plan.
I didn’t protest when he connected our lips in a kiss. In fact, I leaned into it. The action was involuntary. My body reacted to him without my brain's consent. Our lips moved together for a few moments until I pulled away. When I opened my eyes, Grey was smiling. He was back to normal.
One down, two to go. I thought. I knew I would feel better once I made sure E and Will were okay, and that’s exactly what I was going to do next.

….

I pushed the door open, shivering as the freezing night air surrounded me. I found Will easily and walked toward him. Of course, he was still out here. I’d realized earlier that he must be doing it to punish himself. He knew he’d been rash earlier, but his intentions were good. Yelling at Grey, however, he didn’t usually let himself do. He jumped a little as I sat down next to him beside the empty pool.
“You scared me.” He admitted but didn’t look my way.
I didn’t respond for a few long moments. I just wanted to sit here with him first. We’d all been through a lot recently, but he more than anyone had seen the worst. He was locked up for nearly a month, alone for much of that time. When he wasn’t, in his own words, he was being tortured. It made my skin crawl knowing that’s what he thought of it as, but I couldn’t deny the truth either.
“You gonna talk to her?” I asked, and we both knew who I meant.
“I wouldn’t know what to say.” He sighed and looked down at his feet as they dangled in the large space beneath us. “Besides, I don’t think she wants to hear from me.”
“Why would you think that?” I was genuinely surprised to hear that. From what I’d seen, he and E were the closest out of everyone. They had a very different bond.
“Things have been...different. It’s like we both went through this terrible thing but somehow we can’t relate anymore.” His voice was low. Sad.
“You’re both processing what happened. It’s going to be hard. Healing from something like that takes time. It’s okay to do that together.” I wanted so badly to give him a hug, because it looked like he desperately needed one. But I didn’t think it should come from me.
“I guess I feel like if I complain about it to her, if I talk about it, I’ll just make it worse for her. And that’s the last thing I ever want to do.”
Part of me was surprised he was being so open, but it kind of made sense. We’d talked a lot while he was being held at the facility. He’d told me about his life growing up and how much Jax, Grey, and E meant to him. Especially E. It was obvious he needed someone to unload this all on to, and I would happily be that person, after they worked things out.
“I’d bet the two dollars I have that she feels the same.” I rose to my feet and wiped the grime from my palms. “I’m going to talk to her. When I’m done, you really need to do the same.”
With that, I left him. I was hopeful that our conversation helped somewhat, but I honestly couldn’t handle the cold any longer and I needed to talk to E before I passed out. I made my way back inside and found her in the office that she’d made her own.
“Hey,” I called out from the doorway. Her back was to me, and I didn’t want to startle her. She glanced over her shoulder but didn’t otherwise acknowledge me. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” Her voice was flat and curt. I moved to sit next to her on the large bed we’d put in here for her.
“It’s okay not to be.” I tried. She finally looked at me, but it was only to glare.
“I said I’m fine. Is there something you need?” I knew she was trying to be mean. She was trying to push me away, but unlucky for her I could be very stubborn.
“Yeah, some honesty would be great.” She rolled her eyes and moved to lay down. That was something I couldn’t wait to do. I could feel a headache starting from my lack of sleep.
“What do you want me to say?” She sighed up at the ceiling. “That everything hurts, and I’m almost always scared? That I’m scared they’ll take me again, and even more terrified they’ll take someone else? You want me to tell you how this place is great, but I can’t help knowing it’ll all be taken away soon enough? None of that is relevant.”
I wanted to make a joke about how that’s exactly what I wanted her to say, but I knew it wasn’t the time. I just nodded in understanding and played with a loose string on her bedsheets.
“You know, there’s someone who feels the exact same way. And he loves you very much.” I could practically hear her eyes roll.
“He doesn’t get it.” She was really stubborn too.
“I think he’s the only person who does.”
Her eyes shifted to mine and she let a small smile slip. Strangely, I knew what she was going through too. To an extent. I knew what it meant to always put on a show. To feel like showing any emotions made you weak. I hadn’t been in a position of power my whole life like her, but I was my father’s daughter and that was enough.
“You all just need to figure your shit out and start acting like a team again.” That made her laugh, just barely, but I still heard it.
“You got that right.”
I slowly rose to my feet, feeling heavy from how tired I was. Sitting on a soft, comfy bed had made it so much worse. It was obvious she wanted some alone time, and I didn’t feel like passing out at her feet so I knew it was time to go.
“See you in the morning.” I called over my shoulder as I made my way to the door.
“You better.” She answered, and I let out a chuckle.