Chapter 41

Damaris POV
"Kill me Lucifer, this is the only way we can get separated," I whispered to him looking into his eyes confidently
He peered at me with shocked
After some time, he threw away that knife when he realized what I just said, he laughed wryly looking at me
"You think, like I will ever dirt my hand with your dirty blood, the blood of that man who is the murderer of my parents," he said to me coldly while looking bitterly at me
I stared at him, for some moments
and looked down at the floor, breathing heavily
Finally, I closed my eyes and took a long breath, and looked at him smiling sadly while nodding little
"Yes, you are right Lucifer, indeed I am so unfortunate and unpure blood, daughter of a murderer," I whispered dryly, in Reality, I am ashamed. ashamed of myself, who I am
"Okay, I will go as you don't want to see my face but I just want to tell you that " I whispered teary-eyed and took hold of his hand softly while bringing back of his hands over my cheeks caressing it feeling the warmth of his hand, then I looked at him
"I just want to say that, if you ever realize that you want to come back to me, you want to be with me, I will accept you with my open arms whenever you wish to be with me, " I said smiling sadly and make my way towards the exit
I come towards deserted road waking lostly
Everything seems so broken and shallow now, I felt so lightweight and shallow; I am complete empty from inside, no emotions, no feelings, no love, no feeling of completion, no warmth
Even, my head also feels like a brick of ice kept over it so cold.
***********
I woke up with noise knocking on my door
I assume it must be Lucifer; he realized his love for me; he is there
I happily set up and rushed towards the door, but, when I opened it, it's not Lucifer no one is there, I heard giggling of children, they must be children of my neighbors, they always knock over my door and ran aside, their typical naughty tactics
I locked the door in disappointment and remain sat in my place, what is going on with me these days
Am I that much unfortunate for you dear god; that you forgot to write happiness on my part
I felt so hollow from my side; I want to cry so badly, Lucifer is going to be married to someone else, not me, why I loved him then why
I clenched my face from my hands and; I felt a burning sensation over my skin; I felt my nails dig into my cheeks which, bruised them, so badly
I run upwards to the terrace of the building of my apartment, as I come there, I looked down and notice how much high this building is; I come to the endpoint of the terrace, just one more step and I will be free from this unfortunate life, yes; I will do this
I closed my eyes and was about to jump down, as I felt winds touching my bare arms, making me shiver
I am about to jump down from height but I heard someone's voice
"If you want to jump, then go, do it but before that, please; give me your apartment keys, so that I can use the things in your apartment after you will be dead, " I heard a voice from behind
I turned around and looked up, it's a guy with amber eyes and black hair, wearing a casual shirt with faded blue jeans, he is very good looking
I glared at him.
"Who are you" I snapped at him
He laughed at my reaction, and comes towards me, and looked at the view
from the edge of the building, like he is checking the height of this building
"So, let me calculate, if you jump from this much height, then ...." He trailed and put his fingers over his chin, pretending to think
"A broken leg, with some, no no, actually broken bones with the spinal cord, and maybe head can also be damaged severely but I think you won't die, so; I suggest that you fall by turning around with your back facing edge cliff of this terrace, " he said to me cheerfully.
I looked at him, dumbfounded
Someone, is committing suicide in the facade of him and here, he is instead of stopping me from doing it; is telling me stupid ways to jump so that I can be dead sure, I threw my head
"Get lost from here, or I won't be responsible of my fist will land over your good-looking face, " I hissed at him angrily and he laughed again
Now he is irritating me
"Get lost " I screamed at him
He shook his head and laughed again, now I clenched my hands into fists and charged towards him
I will kill him
I stand in front of him "you have a death wish," I said dangerously to him
He looked at me amused and comes near my ear
"Well, if it will give you satisfaction then definitely, I will ready to get died from your hands but sorry, my dear friend, I can't give you my life, because, I am living for someone else," he said and pulled away
I looked at him taken back by his reply
Living for someone else
What does he mean by this
"What does it mean," I asked more confused
He looked around and said to me, let's sit over there, he pointed at the edge of the terrace, from where I was about to jump and we sat there, he beside me
We looked at trees and empty highway roads from my terrace, even sky color is turning into black, I think It is about to rain, the cold chilling winds are touching me, making me shiver
"You know, I am in love with a girl, but now she is married to someone else. I love her since childhood, but she is now of someone else " he said, looking at birds flying above the sky
I looked at him, "it must be so hard for you right, to live without her, whom you love " I said to him
After all; no one can understand his pain better than me, because soon, I will also be like this
"What," he said shocked and peered at me beaming, and threw his head " who said you, I am in pain I am so happy," he said genuinely to me his eyes shows, happiness, and satisfaction actually, and I am taken back by his answer
He is so happy and satisfied when the love of his life is married to someone else, how, here Lucifer didn't even marry that girl and I am in this condition, about to commit suicide, and how can he be in such a peace
He laughed seeing my face "You perceive, anyone can study you like an open book " he stated while pinching the tip of my nose
"So, tell me how can you......" I trailed at last words curiously
He stared at the sky, observing the colors of clouds turning dark blue or almost black, it's so strange, I mean rainy season didn't even come yet and rainy clouds are already in the sky, it's going to be rain without season
"I lover her, and I will ever love her I till my last breathing, She also love me, we are madly in love with each other , but she is married to someone else, because of her family , when her marriage happened , I thought I lost my everything that time with her, without her; I felt so empty , and shallow, I can't even sleep at night without her fragrance, I missed her so much , so after the second day of her marriage ,I chose to leave this city, I was in they way of airport and she comes running towards me , she Didn't hug me or kissed me ,but she just said teary eyed to me, that she will pray to God for me that whenever I will go , whomever, I will be with , I always remain happy, she said she will always pray for my happiness to god, and that day I realized , that what I am thinking is love is actually not love it is infatuation, love never demands anything ,love always gives, it never asks , then how can I wish to have her when I have her love with me, I don't need her physically , love is beyond all the bounds , it is eternal , if I want then ;I can also kidnap her before her wedding but I didn't because you can't tie up someone in love , love free all the ties and knots of this materialistic world" he said smiling little at me
"But, if we love someone then we have to be in a relationship with them like marriage," I asked him
"you know marriage is just a worldly relationship, and to be in love you don't need a name of any relationship like husband and wife, no love is beyond all the worldly relations," he replied to me and this shook me hard from inside
"What is love," I asked him stunned by his words, I don't know why but after hearing his words, pain in my heart pain of separation from Lucifer is vanishing away, and a new beautiful feeling like Lucifer is always with me in my heart, like I don't need him physically to love him; started awakening in me
"You know, what people think of as love is not loving at all! And this is the only truth. Some consider love to be love, some consider infatuation to be love, some consider attraction to be love, but no one understands love.
There's a reason for that too! There is a very fine line between love and infatuation.
That's why people can't differentiate. They do not understand the difference between love and infatuation and people mistake infatuation for love.
When there is a tremendous difference. Knows how to love, There is a desire in him, let me get this, get that.
When there is no desire in love.
Love is the name of giving. In love man dies for his lover," he said looking into my eyes
"Does, having any expectations or wants from your lover, it is unfair," I asked him wondering because before, I only want Lucifer at any cost but now, it doesn't seem like I want him already have him in my heart as his love now I didn't feel like shallow or incomplete like before, it feels like Lucifer is with me in the form of eternal love
"When people start having expectations from someone's love, it is attachment. When there is no hope in love. Whether he gets it or not, but there is no hope. Just live and die for your lover, this is the only goal. If you expect anything from your love, then understand that it is not love but attachment," he said to me and I looked at him numb by his words.
"Is it wrong, to desire someone to be with you whom you love? " I asked him
"Love is with the soul, not with the body, what is with the body is the only attraction. What is with the soul is eternal love. What lasts longer? Or wait what's temporary? Yes, you guessed it right, flesh and blood will turn into soil one day, the only soul will last longer. People remember your devil or angel spirit, not the flesh you had" he said looking straight into my eyes, and his words shook by my core
Now everything started understanding to me, everything started making sense to me, I was a fool before, why I want Lucifer with me physically when I can live for his happiness, I can selflessly do things which have his happiness, because love never demands it always gives
"We see the sun every day. Ever thought that he burns in warming the earth, but ever asked for something from the earth in return? Flowers bloom, someone plucks it, but did he ever hope for something? If it rains like a cloud, then did you ever have any hope from us or the earth? no-no? That's just love. love means to be selfless, unrequited, and expectant," He said to me looking into my eyes
We remained sitting there for some time, then he spoke again "I must go now, take care of yourself, and never try this stupidity of doing this again " he said while pointing at the edge of the terrace, I was about to jump to death if he didn't come
I nodded and he smiled and he ruffled my hair and stood up and went, wait I don't even know his name I turned around to find him but he is now nowhere to be seen like he just disappeared.