CHAPTER 51

Shana sat in Asher's study with her hands folded in her laps, her right foot tapping nervously against the floor. Her mind was far away from the room as she rehearsed all she was going to say to him in her head. No matter how she tried to phrase her confession, it all made her sound like the vile creature she was. There was no sugarcoating all the lies she had fed him in the months she had known him.
She stood up nervously and walked to his mahogany desk, taking up a framed picture of them. It was taken when their marriage was registered. The woman in the picture looked so happy and in love. She could not help being scared that she would never know that feeling ever again. She dropped the picture and paced around a bit. Then she sat down again.
Since they got married, he was always got home in time for dinner. Sometimes, he got home early enough to make love to her before dinner. But the day she was going to make a major decision that would affect their lives together, he was running late. Thereby, compounding her anxiety and making her lose courage to follow through with what she was about to do. She tried calling him but there was no response.
Where could he be?
Maybe he was with Rose, she thought, remembering the older woman had asked to speak with Asher before her. Then she sat down and reclined her back, trying to relax and ward off the negative thoughts in her head.
"Shana?"
She jolted awake when she felt the firm touch on her arm. She looked up through bleary eyes, expecting to see Asher but it was Elise smiling down at her. "You haven't had dinner," she said softly.
"I'm waiting for my husband. Is he back?," she asked, trying to conceal a yawn.
"I'm afraid not," she replied regretfully.
She nodded and stared at the clock on the opposite wall. It was midnight alright. She had slept for over four hours and it felt like she had barely closed her eyes for ten minutes. She could not explain why, but she felt so tired all of a sudden. Maybe it was from the worrying she had done all day. "I'll wait up for him. You can retire for the night."
"Goodnight," Elise said and left her to her thoughts.
After the housekeeper left, she realized she was hungry and she trudged sleepily into the kitchen. She could smell that dinner was tuna casserole, the smell lingered heavily in the kitchen and for some absurd reason, she wanted to puke. It was a dish she loved, one she had even requested for dinner. She decided it was going to be milk or nothing else for dinner.
After drinking two cups of milk, she made her way to bed. She felt sleepy and really slow. She could even feel a headache coming on. If she sat around waiting for Asher again, she was going to doze off. Shana took a quick shower and fell into bed.
Whenever he came home, he would wake her and she would make her confession.
That was her last thought before she slept off.
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Asher stared down at his sleeping mate. There was no denying it any longer.
He was in love.
That was the only explanation for the irrational urge to kill or be killed for her. It could be the only reason he wanted to protect her and at the same time, possess all of her, including her thoughts. What he felt for her consumed and threatened his common sense. He would do anything she wanted him to do, no matter how unreasonable it was. He would not even blinking an eye. The fire of his love for her branded and burned him.
"Ours," his wolf growled.
"Mine."
He divested his clothes and moved into bed with her. She barely moved as he spooned around her.
"Kitty," he whispered softly into her ear.
After the Thomases left his office, he had been angry and restless. Then he had gotten a call from his grandmother. He had stopped over at her place. because she had sounded like she needed to discuss something with him urgently.
After Rose and himself had talked at length about Thomas' conspiracy and his plans, she had advised him to attach a bodyguard to his wife. Before that, he had not felt the need unless she was leaving the territory. It was his land, his home. And he ruled over everything and everyone in it. He could not imagine anyone would dare to harm his mate and Rose had not divulged any detail to him, no matter how hard he had pestered and threatened her.
Then in her blunt way, she had asked him how he felt about Shana. The old woman knew but he guessed she just wanted him to admit it. He didn't and she had smiled and changed the topic almost immediately.
She had started talking about Adam. Rose never talked about him with her, not ever. He had seen the pain in her eyes as she talked about his early years and in no time, the talk had moved on to his mother.
Asher had become quiet and angry as Rose tried to get him to say what he still felt about her after her death.
"Did you know her heart never even had a murmur till death?," she asked looking at him expectantly.
"Yes." That much he knew because of his supernatural hearing, even if they never had the slightest physical contact.
"Did you ever wonder why?"
"I do not care," he answered stonily. "But maybe it's because she never had one. It's a curse her kind had to live with and I must say, it's well deserved."
She gave a little shake of her head. "You are wrong. She had one but she just never loved with it. It..,"
"Remind me why we are talking about her?," he said cutting off her next sentence. "I don't want to talk about her."
"But you have to talk about her with someone so you can be free. She has more hold on you even in death than she was alive."
He laughed at that. "She doesn't Rose. Can't you see? I'm happy," he said with a bright smile on his face. "I feel good for the first time since I could remember and I barely even think about her."
"But you've neither forgotten nor forgiven all she has done. You hate her and you hate everyone of her kind."
"Because they are all coldblooded beasts that don't deserve forgiveness. Why do I need to forgive her in death? She's gone. There's no point."
Rose had opened her mouth like wanted to say more but she had changed her mouth at the last minute. "I hope you understand before it's too late. Not all her kind have a...,"
"It's late, Rose. Shana would be waiting up for me. I thought this was going to be a very brief visit," he had said rising up abruptly and cutting her off.
His grandmother had sighed in defeat as he kissed her on her cheek and hurried out of her house.
The talk about his mother had gotten him fired up and angry. Instead of going home like he planned, he had headed off to the forest and raced around for a long time till he came to his clearing.
He had realized his little happy place didn't hold so much appeal like it used to. It had been lonely without Shana there. The times he had let out his wolf for midnight runs since their wedding, he had always woken her and taken her along with him. Sometimes, she was a little to willing and at other times, she got a little pissed at him for disturbing her sleep. But every time, they always ended up making love in the clearing and racing back happier.
He had stayed a little longer than he wanted to in the clearing, deep in thought about his late mother. He was still angry for the way she had treated him but that did not mean he was holding onto the past like Rose believed. She was dead and everything about her was dead too. There was no point thinking about her. He had more problems on his hands that did not involve a dead woman, like how to find out who Thomas's ally is.
He dropped a kiss on his mate's hair and fell into a deep sleep. Then she was shaking him awake moments later.
He opened his eyes and saw that it was morning, the light entering his eyes through the open curtains.
"Good morning," his mate said softly as she bent above him. He looked into her eyes and he was lost in their honeyed depths. Her hair was tumbled from sleep and her position was giving him a full view down her cleavage. He felt his erection jerk violently at the sight.
She was everything. She was perfection and above all, she was his.
His and only his to love for the rest of his life.
"We need to talk," she said with a troubled look in her eyes. Shana wanted to tell him all she had been hiding before she lost her nerve.
This was the moment. "I love you." Asher said the words she had longed to hear loud and clear. The sincerity and love threatened to overwhelm her as she looked into his eyes.
"I love you," he said again.