Chapter 32: Facing Her Heart

Gwen opened and closed her mouth several times before being able to form a proper sentence.
“What did you say?” She definitely hadn’t heard correctly. She couldn’t have. They barely knew each other, how could he be falling for her?
“I know, I told you it would sound crazy, but it’s true. I can’t stop thinking about you, and yesterday was only a confirmation of that,” Cody explained, but nothing made sense to Gwen.
It was not plausible and she didn’t know what to say in return to that affirmation.
“Clyde, I mean… Maybe you’re mistaken. Perhaps that’s just some affection you felt, we… You don’t even know me,” Gwen stuttered, trying to find a way to reply without being rude or hurting his feelings.
One thing was certain though, she did not feel the same way. After kissing Finn the previous night, it only became clearer to her that her feelings for her son’s father were still very much strong, and she couldn’t do anything about it.
Fight against that was in vain and a waste of time. Now she would have to move away from him again in order to not suffer so much anymore.
“No, I’ve never felt anything like this before, Gwen,” Clyde continued, grabbing her hand and shaking his head vigorously. “I swear, I don’t know what this feeling is, but I do know that is it something very powerful.”
Gwen stayed silent, thinking of something to say. Accepting a job from him seemed like a bad choice after his declaration of love. She was living that exact type of situation with Finn, realizing that mixing personal and professional lives didn’t work.
What if she accepted his proposition, but passed the wrong message to him? As if Clyde had read her mind, he continued.
“I understand that this confession might have made you rethink about my offer, but I must tell you that I know how to separate these things, okay? I am a business man, after all,” he explained, pulling his hand back since she didn’t reciprocate his grip. “I would never cause a situation to make you feel uncomfortable, so you don’t need to worry about that.”
She blinked a few times, trying to digest everything.
“What do you mean, Clyde? I’m not following…”
“I'm sorry,” he smiled, embarrassed. “I should not have brought this matter to our lunch. It was hasty. I don’t want you to think that you have to feel the same way about me, okay? Just consider it. We could be great together if you gave me a chance,” he concluded, grabbing his fork and stabbing the vegetable on his plate.
Gwen gulped, taking the glass of water once more to make time to come up with a good response.
“Listen, Clyde…” she said after a few seconds of consideration. “I really like you, I think you’re a very nice guy, smart, kind, professional, very thoughtful and respectful. I appreciate that more than you can imagine.”
He nodded, looking at her with a puppy face. One that only made it harder for her to continue.
“About your work proposal, I will think about it. I’m really honored that you saw my worth and are interested in having me in you company. I’m thankful for that and I swear that I’ll think carefully.”
Gwen stopped to take a deep breath and conclude her reflection.
“About the both of us, I think it’s too soon to tell what we really feel about each other. I don’t want to hurt you, so I’m gonna be really honest. I can’t say that I feel the same about you, at least not yet. Maybe some day, who knows? But I don’t want to deceive you or lead you on.”
Clyde looked down and she noticed him clenching his fingers around the silverware before breathing in and looking up to face her again.
“I understand,” he stated with a smile, although this time, she didn’t feel it was genuine. "You don’t need to worry about it. I understand it was too soon to bring this up, so don’t feel like you owe me anything. Let’s just think about our business proposal first, alright?”
Gwen smiled, feeling a bit more relieved but still bothered with the whole situation. She wasn’t expecting it and she didn’t know how to divert from something of that sort.
She felt awful for saying that to someone who had only helped her so far, but she couldn’t tell her heart what to feel. If she knew how to do that, she would’ve erased Finn from there a long time ago.
And speaking of him, she had to talk to him soon about the co-parenting circumstances and also tell him that she was considering working for Clyde. She could already foresee Finn’s reaction. And it wasn’t going to be pretty.
As soon as Clyde left her back at the company, Gwen texted Finn and asked if they could meet that evening. Cody was going to sleep at his apartment that night, so Finn invited her to come over.
They had dinner together, which was very pleasant and funny. It felt like they were a real family for a change, and being back at Finn’s apartment also brought back a lot of memories to her.
She and Finn were still acting awkwardly with each other, but for Cody’s sake, they pretended to forget about everything.
After Cody felt asleep, Finn and Gwen went to the balcony to finally have their conversation. The temperature outside was very low, and the wind sent shivers down Gwen’s body. Noticing this, Finn took off his own sweatshirt and put it over her shoulders.
She thanked him for the kindness, but every single action of his made her overthink. Why was he being such a gentlemen to her, doing nice things and caring about her, when all she wanted were reasons to hate him and take him out of her heart?
“So, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” he asked, lighting up a cigarette, avoiding Gwen’s glance while doing so.
Gwen watched the cars passing on the streets under them, thinking of how she should introduce the topic. She practiced the speech inside her mind several times before going there, but now that is was finally time to say it, she didn’t know how to do it.
"I received an offer,” she decided to be straightforward. “To work for Clyde. And I’m thinking about accepting it.”
Finn stopped with the cigarette halfway towards his mouth.
“Why? What I offered you is not enough?” he asked, his back facing her, his voice steady and firm.
She was caught off guard. She was anticipating a different reaction, maybe an outburst? But that version of him bothered her, although she didn’t know why.
“It's not that, I… It was a very nice offer and no one is going to say that I’m just working because I’m the mother of their boss’ son.” She tried to come up with a good excuse, but she couldn’t tell him the truth. She couldn’t say that she wanted to leave his company because she wanted to stay away from him; because being too close to him was breaking her heart all over again.
“I thought I had solved that problem already,” he replied, still not looking at her.
Gwen sighed.
“I know, you did. But it’s a good opportunity for me, Finn. I mean, you can continue to see Cody whenever you want, we are already making it work. This won’t change,” she continued, eager to convince him of anything; something she didn’t even know what it was.
“It sounds to me that you’re trying to stay away from me, if I can be honest,” Finn said, contemplating the view ahead. “Although I’m not sure why. If I didn’t know you any better, I’d think you still have feelings for me.”
If Gwen had been holding a glass, it would have shattered against the cold floor of the balcony. Was it that obvious?
“What do you mean?” she asked, trying very hard not to stutter.
And then Finn turned to look at her, his eyes piercing her soul and her heart; they were a darker shade of green now, and she could not tell from Finn's expression what he was thinking.
Finn took a few steps forward, which seemed to be in slow motion for her. Her hands started to shake and she wished she was seated at that moment. Her legs didn’t even have time to fail, because Finn grabbed her by the arms and pulled her body towards him.
“I said that if I didn’t know you any better, I’d think you still have feelings for me,” he whispered close to her now, his eyes fixed on her lips and his nose rubbing hers. “Is that what it is, Gwen? Is that why you want to stay away from me so bad?”