Chapter 33: Taking Chances

Gwen’s thoughts were on fire. She knew very well she couldn’t say the truth, but her heart was clearly winning that battle. He was so close and giving her all the signs that he wanted the same thing.
Even though they were mad at each other, the sexual tension between them was very much alive. She could not fight that, no matter how hard she tried.
Finn had the incredible ability to make her rethink every single decision she had already made about him. It was clear as crystal that she couldn’t be with him anymore, but every time they were close to each other, she started to reconsider every topic on the list.
Why couldn’t she try again? Why did it have to be so hard for them to be together? She knew the answer to all of those questions, but that night, she failed herself; she failed being able to resist him.
His fingers were still around her arms, gripping her with desperation. Finn closed his eyes for a brief second, trying to control himself.
The kiss from the previous night was glued in her mind like a stamp. She was tired of running away from her feelings, tired of being scared. At that second, looking into those green eyes, Gwen decided not to think anymore.
She tossed her arms around Finn’s neck and pulled him against her, claiming his mouth with hers and and losing herself in the feel of him.
Finn was caught off guard, but it didn’t take too long for him to act.
Clearing his mind of whatever they had left unfinished, Finn passed his arm around her waist and brought her body closer to his, as if that was possible. It was like they wanted to end any distance that could still exist between them.
Gwen’s fingers grabbed his hair, pulling it gently, and that only stirred him more. The blood running through her veins and the burning sensation in her belly made Gwen scrape her nails on Finn’s back with urgency.
Finn’s hands were all over her body, and Gwen only realized they were walking when her back bumped into the cold balcony’s door. He lowered his head and started to place kisses on her collarbone, making her moan.
Finn squeezed her butt and whispered her name several times against her ear, and Gwen felt her legs getting weaker. But it didn’t matter, because he was holding her and she never felt so safe with anyone like she did with him, inside his arms. Her body was begging for him; so much that it actually hurt.
They were both lost in the feel of each other, but Finn didn’t want to risk making a mistake. He couldn’t do something that would jeopardize their relationship even more, no matter how much he wanted to. Gwen could regret it the next morning, and he would lose his chance to win her back forever.
“Gwen, wait,” he said, pulling her away for a second, cursing himself immensely for doing so. But he couldn’t do anything wrong. He was trying so hard to understand why she left so he could make things right this time, that however hard it was, he couldn’t enjoy that moment without worrying about the future.
They were not teenagers anymore; they had a son together, so it was essential that they considered all the possibilities first before jumping into something that could force them apart for good.
Gwen opened her eyes and looked at him, feeling confused and trying to understand why he’d have stopped.
“You have no idea how much I hate myself right now, but we can’t do this,” he said softly, caressing her cheek and putting a strand of hair gently behind her ear.
She felt her eyes burning with tears, but deep down she knew he was right. Nodding, she straightened her clothes and her hair, recomposing herself, feeling ashamed for her actions. She was the one who said that it was over between them, she was the one who told him they would just be parents to Cody, nothing more. And now, there she was, kissing him like her life depended on it.
“I'm sorry,” she murmured, looking down. “I’m sorry, I…”
“Don’t ever apologize to me, okay?” Finn interrupted her, holding her face in his hands and making her look at him. “I can’t tell you how much I miss you and want to be with you. I really can’t put that into words, but we need to make things clear first, between us,” he explained, looking at her face like she was the most stunning creature he had ever seen.
“You're right,” she replied, feeling dizzy all of a sudden.
“Let's make a deal, okay?” Finn continued, making her stare into those eyes she loved. It was harder to breathe properly with those emeralds stripping her soul. “We’ll talk about us, for real this time. No more hiding secrets, no more pretending, let’s put it all out. I don’t want to pretend with you anymore, Gwen. It’s pretty clear how we feel about each other, so why can’t you give us another chance?” Finn asked, and it didn’t go unnoticed by her how his voice trembled a bit while speaking.
She simply nodded, unable to utter a single word. She went there to talk to Finn about taking a new position at Clyde’s company, and now they had kissed and were talking about making things work again.
“Okay, so, do you want to stay here tonight? You can sleep in my bed with Cody and I can stay in the guest room,” Finn suggested, but Gwen refused immediately.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll go home, it’s fine,” she said, taking off his sweatshirt.
“You can keep it,” Finn said, stopping her from taking it off. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”
“Yes, you take Cody to school tomorrow morning and I’ll pick him up, okay?” she repeated, even though he already knew.
He nodded.
“Deal. And we’ll continue this conversation at another time… very soon. I’ll arrange something,” he concluded, following her to the door. “Do you want me to take you?”
“No, it’s alright. My car is downstairs. Thank you very much for dinner and for staying with Cody tonight. He was delighted.”
Finn’s smile could have lit up the entire city.
“Good night, Gwen,” he said gently, and her heart ached in anticipation for having to leave him behind.
“Good night.”
She got inside the car and went home reviewing their kiss over and over inside her mind. When she finally entered her building, the doorman called and said that someone had left something for her. He got back inside his booth and grabbed a small envelope.
It had no return address, and Gwen found it very odd. She had never received a letter before, and basically no one knew that she lived there. Could it be some advertising? Or maybe something from the company? But it didn’t make sense to send something to her house if she was going to be there the next morning.
She left the elevator and grabbed the keys from her purse, opening the door from her apartment as quick as possible. Her curiosity was killing her. But once she opened the envelope, already in her living room, she collapsed on the floor in shock.
It wasn’t necessary to have the sender’s information on the envelope. She knew exactly who it was. No one had any reason to threaten her, except one person. And now, it was clear that she only had one thing to do: run away again.