Chapter 25

Harry

I waited an hour for her, but she didn’t show. In the end I drove away toward the city. My head was screwed, and I needed to calm down before we talked. The flashbacks were back, riddling through me, reminding me that I was never supposed to be in love with anyone.
I recognised it as a panic attack so I pulled over on the side of the road and stuck my head between my knees. Breathing became hard and the knot in my throat expanded.
The roads were busy, people were passing by unaware of what was happening in my head. I kept taking long deep breaths, waiting for it to pass. The throbbing in my skull was unbearable. All my previous meltdowns had always been behind closed doors. I refused to take medication. Over the years I just dealt with it, but right now I thought that enough was enough.
Something needed to change.
Twenty minutes later I was all right to carry on driving, so I headed over to Gina’s place. She had to come home eventually. She just lost her job because of me. I was betting that I was the last person she needed to see right now, but we had to talk.
A fine sheen of sweat covered my body, and my shirt stuck to my back. The tension in my shoulders reminded me that my demons were still circulating over my head. They wanted me to fail or give up. No one could cure me, but I was finally ready to accept that I needed help.
I parked the car outside her place an hour later. The confrontation in the office didn’t score me any points. My chest felt tight, so I swallowed nervously and willed my heart to slow down. I was no longer interested in random sex. Sasha had taught me that I was capable of loving another human being after all.
I jumped out of the car and headed to her door. God, I had never been that nervous, not even before the most important fight of my life.
I knocked and waited. Her car wasn’t around, but Josh would know where I could find her.
Several moments later I heard footsteps and the door opened up. Patrick was standing in the threshold, staring at me in shock.
“Hey, buddy, is your sister in?” I asked, masking the fact that I was a wreck.
He shook his head.
“She is at work.”
“She isn’t in the office. Has she come home at all?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t seen her today,” he said. “What’s going on? She said you guys broke up.”
“Yeah, we did, but something happened, and I really need to find her,” I said. Patrick moved to the side.
“Do you want to come in?”
“No, Patrick, I’m fine. I just need to track down your sister. Do you have any idea where she might be?”
Again, he shook his head and then disappeared. I dragged my hand through my hair and then followed him. That boy had no idea I needed to find Gina as soon as possible.
“She looked happy, I think you made her happy. That’s what Josh said the other day when we were sitting at the table,” Patrick said.
I sat down on the sofa. I needed to talk to him about what happened. He knew his sister better than anyone else, so he knew where she might have gone. I had to treat him like an adult for once.

Gina

I used the back door. Brittany helped me carry my stuff out to the car. She was crying all the way downstairs. Then I spent a few minutes with HR, going over some paperwork. My ex-boss locked himself in the office with his wife. They were shouting at each other.
The whole floor was buzzing with excitement and gossip.
Harry and I had fun, but I would have still been employed if I hadn’t agreed to sleep with him. He was the reason that I got fired and, even though he loved me, he wouldn’t open up to me.
Maybe he was confused about his feelings. I had no idea what I felt, or maybe I was too scared to admit that I’d fallen for him, too. The relationship my parents had taught me that I could never trust any man.
After I left the office, I drove for a while until I stopped feeling like my life was over. The moment Davies bought the company, I knew I wouldn’t stay there for long. Now I could finally do what I wanted. The next few months might be tough, but I could cover the bills if I got more clients interested in the pole. Nothing was holding me back anymore. I just had to start believing in myself.
I didn’t head home. I needed some time alone to figure out my next plan. In the past, when life was giving me lemons, I always turned to dancing. I had to practise today to clear my head, to remove all the toxic thoughts. Maybe after that, my feelings would finally make sense.
An hour later I walked through the door of the new studio. I had only just hired this venue, and all my equipment was still in the car. I had the whole space to myself. I carried everything inside and changed into more comfortable clothes.
Adrenaline coursed through my body when I climbed on the pole. My heart was racing, and slowly the tension began leaving my body. I secured my legs around the top of the pole and hung with my head upside down, until my muscles burned. For a moment, I imagined being in someone else’s body.
After that, I jumped back on the floor and warmed up for a bit, stretching and flexing my muscles. Soon Davies, Crystal, and my conflicted feelings for Harry were just a distant memory.
I started doing a more complicated routine, challenging myself even more, until sweat was dripping down my back and neck. My muscles were aching and it felt fantastic. Harry had shown me that my life didn’t have to focus on work alone. I didn’t want to love him back, but it was already too late. Seeing him in the office shook me, and the heaviness surrounding my heart was gone. He pushed Crystal away because he wanted to be with me. He didn’t care that he could have lost his new business because of that.
When I landed on the floor someone began clapping. I turned around and saw him standing by the door. I had no idea how long he had been watching me. I was lost in my own world for a while. Heat crawled up my cheeks, and I almost didn’t want to believe he was there. He kept clapping and I just stood there, staring back at him. I had no reason to be distant. Now everything was finally clear.
“That was fantastic, Gina. You were so focused. You shouldn’t be doing anything else, ever,” he said, walking up to me.
“How did you know I was here?” I asked, trying to catch my breath. He wasn’t the man to love, and yet I had fallen for him.
“Patrick said that you liked dancing alone when you were upset. Adler gave me the address. He told me you recently rented this place to teach,” Harry explained, and warmth danced in his eyes. I wasn’t angry; Adler assumed that Harry and I were still a couple. Besides, somehow Harry was always able to track me down. “I’m sorry about what happened earlier. I went over to Digital Box to talk to you. I didn’t want to wait until later. Then Crystal showed up in the conference room.”
“I saw you after the match, you know … when you were with her,” I said, finally ready to be honest with him.
“Saw me?”
“It was when you spotted me for the first time in the crowd. After you won, I went around looking for Adler. I thought I saw him disappearing in the corridor. I ended up getting lost in one of the locker rooms, then you barged in there with Crystal. I saw you two having sex while I sat on the floor. You guys didn’t see me.”
I had no idea why I was telling him this. Maybe I finally needed to get it off my chest and be honest that I had wanted him instantly. That evening I wanted to take Crystal’s place.
He looked shocked.
“You knew I was having an affair with her all this time? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I don’t know, maybe because I was embarrassed and jealous. Then, the very next day we met, and I recognised you from the match,” I explained. “I hadn’t been out with anyone on a date for years, and I was picturing myself replacing her. It was stupid.”
“That was the old me. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her in the first place. Then she trapped me, and I wasn’t sure what to do,” he admitted.
“She saw us, you know, after that second boxing match in the car park. She told me that I was one of many women.”
He walked up to me and lifted my chin. The warmth that radiated from him was unbearable.
“You’re special, and I haven’t been with Crystal or anyone else since I started seeing you. I’m sorry that I got you fired.”
I smiled at him.
“Davies would have found a way to get rid of me. Besides, I knew what I was doing when I agreed to sleep with you,” I said.
There was a beat of tense silence, then Harry sucked in a deep breath, taking my hand.
“I’ve been a wreck. The past two weeks without you were hell,” he said, and his touch sent tiny sparks of electricity through my body. My heart was pounding now. I didn’t know what that meant.
“Harry…I don’t know—”
He placed his finger on my lips and came even closer.
“I love you, Gina Martinez. Over the years, I thought I wasn’t capable of loving another person, but you showed me the light. This wasn’t supposed to happen, but I’m in love with you.”
“I know. I was with Davies when you were talking to Crystal. I heard everything through the speaker,” I said, feeling butterflies in my stomach.
“I don’t expect you to feel the same way. I have hurt many people in the past, but I’m ready to heal with you.” He was saying.
He was finally opening up to me and I had to do the same thing. Neither of us had been completely honest with each other since the start.
“I avoided men, the intimacy. My parents’ relationship was toxic. My mother lost her identity when she married my father. I saw it happening. I saw her being unhappy and I promised myself that I would never allow myself to be that way,” I said, knowing that I should have told him sooner.
“I didn’t give you any reason to trust me either, but I’ll get help. Maybe I will never be cured, but at least we could be happy together.”
I listened when he started telling me about some of the stories from the time when he was in the military. It was difficult to listen to him tell about all the killing and the sad, innocent people who were hurt, simply because they lived in the line of fire. But I needed to remember that I asked for it. I wanted to be there for him.
“I left the Army broken, hating myself for the ugliness of it all, and never sought any help.”
The past had damaged him, but he didn’t see that he was kind and loving, too. He needed to change his mindset.
I took all this in, thinking and knowing that his past would always affect him in some ways.
“What you see is a wreck of a man. I love you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way.”
“Harry, you have to get help, that’s the first step. The healing will come after,” I said, taking his hand. I loved him back. It took me a while to realise that, but my heart was saying it. There was no going back. “I love you, too, and we can be together as long as you will be honest with me.”
He lifted his head and looked at me in confusion.
“You love me? The broken man who’s hurt so many people?”
“Yes, I’m in love with you, too,” I said, knowing I had to give him a chance. No one had ever said that relationships were easy. I had been avoiding them for as long as I could remember. Now I had a chance to understand what true commitment meant. There might be a lot of obstacles along the way, but I was in love. We were both ready for the next step.
Then he kissed me, and I pushed him down on the floor. The desire flushing through my body told me that I wanted him.
It was the start of something special, and it was up to us to make it work.

The end