Chapter 18

Harry

After our little conversation I was afraid that Gina would become distant. She didn’t. Instead we started spending a lot more time together. This went on for weeks and I wasn’t even a bit worried. I was helping her with her business plan, with venues, and all the legal jargon. She had to draft proposals, prep girls for the first competition, and of course keep fucking me. She hated when I showed up at her classes unexpectedly and watched her when she was teaching. The woman was hot, and I looked forward to the evenings when I could sit and admire her acrobatic skill on the pole.
I hated that I still hadn’t been completely honest with her about my past. When we were together my demons were sometimes present, the whispering voices reminding me that I didn’t deserve to be happy. That kind of life wasn’t for me. People saw me as a successful rich guy who wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone. They had no idea that I was scared of ending up alone, of losing the only woman who lifted me up.
We tried to eat together as often as we could. Obviously, since her meeting with Adler, she was even busier than before. Adler was already making plans for the future, networking with other experts in a similar field.
The atmosphere was strained in her day job, too. She was turning down all the extra hours and Andrew had become a double arsehole. She mentioned that he was mocking her during staff meetings. That guy was unbelievable. Gina was strong, but I hated seeing her stressed.
“Do you know what that arsehole did to me today?” she asked, walking into my apartment on Thursday evening. She went to a parents’ evening at Nina’s school and then she had a class. I had been cooking all evening, doing my special romantic dish. I took off her coat and led her to the table.
“You can tell me all about it during dinner, darling,” I said. I picked up a very good bottle of wine earlier, and poured some into her glass. She rolled her eyes at me and kissed me. The fact that she was in my apartment almost every day didn’t really bother me. I decided to take it day by day because we both knew that this wasn’t going to last forever.
“He told me that if I continue avoiding work, then I can forget about my next promotion,” she grumbled, shaking her head. I gestured for her to sit down. I made salmon with pesto tonight and added new potatoes. My uncle taught me how to cook, and some of my dishes were fantastic.
“Are you going for any promotion?” I asked.
“No, but he said that in front of everyone. Apparently, his assistant has been spreading gossip about me in the office. Brittany mentioned it today,” she said, taking a sip of her wine.
“And what’s the gossip?”
“That I’m dating, so work isn’t a priority for me anymore.”
“I won’t let him fire you. Don’t stress about it. Think about the orgasm I’m planning to give you later on,” I said with a wink. Her job wasn’t supposed to be her priority anymore.
“Yes, an orgasm is always good, but I can’t keep spending nights here. Nina is behind at school, and I might have to arrange some tutoring for her,” she explained.
“I have a few contacts. Just let me know in what subject she lacks, and we will figure something out,” I assured her, hoping that she would try to relax now. We started discussing her sister’s situation while we ate. I knew quite a few teachers, and in the end, I was glad Gina was willing to accept my help.
We had a delicious dessert afterward and then relaxed in front of the TV. She fell asleep wrapped up around me on the sofa, and when I stared at her, I thought that I could get used to having her with me all the time.
After some time, I lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom, knowing she was exhausted.
“Not so fast,” she said, when I laid her on my bed, trying not to wake her up. A moment later, she dragged me on top of her and, before I knew it, we were kissing. That evening we made love for the first time. It wasn’t just sex. I kissed her body all over, cherished her soul, and made her come hard. We both enjoyed being with each other. She fell asleep naked in my arms, whispering in my ear that I made her feel happy.

Gina

Someone was screaming, and for a moment, I thought it was just a dream. The bed was comfortable, and I snuggled against the warm body of a fine man who slept next to me peacefully. My feet were tangled around the cotton sheets.
“No. Mister… No, my family…they are inside!”
I opened my eyes and realised it was Harry. I was still in his apartment. He was literally throwing himself all over the bed, moaning and screaming.
“Harry? Wake up, come on, it’s just a dream” I said, shaking him gently.
“The blood, there is so much blood in here. Please, don’t make me kill them!”
I started shaking him harder, wondering if this happened to him before. Then his hands were on my throat. He was trying to strangle me in his sleep.
“Harry, no! Wake up, please. You have to wake up,” I shouted, but he was squeezing my throat hard and I felt helpless. Panic filled my lungs as I tried to pull his hands away from me. The man didn’t even realise that he was hurting me. I was losing oxygen, hissing and trying to hit him with my legs. Harry had me pinned down with his hard body.
“You’re a whore, just like every girl in that shitty village, and you’re going to die,” he snarled, squeezing my throat tighter. I realized he could actually end my life tonight. Panic knifed through my chest, and I struggled to move against his brutal hold.
It seemed that he was in some sort of sleeping trance. I was part of his nightmare, no doubt the dark past that he never wanted to talk about. I was just about to black out when he opened his eyes in the darkness.
“Gina? Gina?” he repeated a few times, finally releasing his grip. I took a sharp deep breath, coughing loudly for several seconds. I wasn’t even supposed to be here. He was now in my life and he nearly killed me. The truth was, I didn’t know anything about this man. “Are you all right?”
“You were screaming in your sleep and then you started choking me,” I explained, lifting myself into a sitting position. My hands were shaking. I was kind of glad it was dark, and Harry couldn’t see me like this.
He was completely out of control, but I kept telling myself that he had a nightmare.
“Sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked, moving closer, but he didn’t touch me. My throat hurt a little and my head was still spinning. He switched on the lamp on the bedside table.
I got off the bed, distancing myself from him. Tears swelled in my eyes, but I tried to put on a brave face. Harry nearly strangled me; this wasn’t something I could just forget about.
“No, I’m not fine,” I snapped with anger, finally realising that I was really upset. “Has this happened before?”
“No! I’m sorry, I had a nightmare and lost control. Fuck, Gina—”
“You were shouting stuff about blood, about wanting to kill someone. I need some time alone to calm down.”
He was staring at me and his eyes were red, a horrified expression on his face. He kept apologising, but I couldn’t deal with him right now. A few more seconds and I would have been dead. Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed over. This was moving too fast.
He threw the covers off and got up.
“Come to the kitchen. I’ll make you something warm,” he suggested, and I backed away from him, like I was too afraid for him to touch me.
Right, I had promised myself that I wouldn’t get attached, and here I was spending the night in his apartment again.
Maybe it was time to call it a day. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. There were so many things happening in my life right now. My family and business were much more important.
He was staring at me with that petrified and concerned look on his face. His whole body was tense; a vein in his neck trembled dangerously fast.
When he stared at me like that, looking so remorseful and sad, I quickly realised that I didn’t want to break up with him. I cared too much for him. We both were in a stage where it would be difficult to walk away. Harry had shown me a different side of him. I knew he was vulnerable and a little lost.
I couldn’t just dismiss what had happened between us in the past few weeks. We were seeing each other every day, we ate and slept together. To me, this was called being in a relationship.
“No, tell me about this dream,” I said, walking up to him. I had to help him get through it. The fact that he was trying to strangle me was upsetting. It was a big deal, but we could move past it together. He couldn’t just keep burying these dark memories inside him forever.
He narrowed his eyes at me, still breathing hard.
“There is nothing to tell. It was just a dream. You know I would never hurt you,” he said.

I was expecting that kind of answer, but I wasn’t going to give up so easily. “Never hurt me? You almost killed me, Harry. We have to talk about this.” Obviously, the things that he had done were still affecting him today. He had to talk about it in order to move past it.
He dropped his head into his hands. “I don’t deserve to have you in my life. I’m a mess. I can never fix it.”
“Harry, it’s too late. I’m in your life now. I think I deserve to know.”
Silence stretched for a moment. I could see he was thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons. He got up and started pacing around the room. He was truly a beautiful man, and I often felt lucky he’d chosen me. Now I wanted to make sure I was there for him. In some ways he changed me. I wanted to fully trust a man. After so many years, maybe it was finally possible.
“I was part of a special forces regiment. The dream was from the past. The nightmares are regular. I have no idea why I flipped tonight. I’m sorry,” he said, looking down at me.
“Calm down, take a deep breath, and tell me what this dream was about. If you want to continue this…whatever there is between us, I want to know what’s going on inside your head.”
Nothing had changed, and yet I wanted him to be honest with me.
“If I tell you then you will never want to look at me again. This conversation can wait, there—”
“You were away on a combat mission, I can gather that. You don’t have to be cryptic about it,” I said, cutting him off. My throat hurt, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Yeah, I thought I would be a hero, but in the end, I became a scum. I’m done talking about it. I’ll sleep in the other room. I think it will be safer that way,” he said and then stormed off.
I rubbed my tired eyes and laid down, wondering what the hell I was doing here. For years I had been telling myself that I could never fully trust a man, and now I had done exactly that. Harry wasn’t like my father; he truly supported me and wanted me to succeed. On the other hand, he shut his past life away.
I heard Harry moving around the apartment. There was something about him that urged me to trust him. I didn’t want to just give up.
I woke up around seven with an empty space next to me on the bed. My throat still felt a little sore. It was dark outside, and the room was cold.
I wrapped a sheet around my naked body and headed over to the other room.
There was an invisible barrier between us, and the incident from last night only confirmed it. Harry had secrets that he didn’t want to share with anyone, even with me. Before him I was alone, and most of the time, I was miserable.
I opened the door and approached the bed in the darkness.
“What are you doing here, Gina?” he asked. He must have been awake, too.
“I miss you,” I whispered.
“I don’t trust myself being around you. What if … what—”
“It was just a dream, forget about it,” I said, and slipped under the covers. When he wrapped his strong arms around me, I felt safe again. I listened to his heartbeat, and it pushed me to forget about my old insecurities and about his wounded past.
“Let’s put what happened earlier aside. Make love to me, I need you,” I whispered. He ran his finger down my arm, and when he kissed me, I told myself that this man was loving and caring. He wasn’t a monster. The sudden rush of desire simmered into numbing lust the second I felt his erection pressed against my thigh.
He quickly pushed himself on top of me and got rid of my lousy T-shirt and black knickers. When his skilled fingers began hovering over my skin and my breath became laboured, his nightmare was long forgotten.
“You’re mine. I want no one else, remember that, Gina,” he whispered, and then he thrust himself inside me. I was whimpering and shuddering with pleasure, ignoring the doubts in my head. I bit softly against his lips as he started pumping in and out. We were addicted to each other. Maybe right then things were unsettled, but I needed him.
Later on, when we were still on top of each other, trying to calm our breathing, he said, “You’re mine. There is no one else. I want to have you beside me. You’re my muse, my new family.”
I smiled, knowing he meant what he said. We were together for the good and the bad. I truly wanted to believe that there was a future for us, even if my mind refused to accept it.