Chapter 20

Harry


“So, are you going to tell me where we are going?” Gina asked for the third time, looking at me intensely. I felt under pressure and kept asking myself if I was doing the right thing bringing Gina to the place where I had grown up. It’d been months since I visited my uncle and today, I was going to show up with a woman. This had only happened once before and nothing good came out of it. A couple of days ago, I had an episode when I went to Digital Box, hoping to take Gina to dinner, but instead I ran into Crystal. Her threat to ruin me probably triggered it. My mind was filled with flashbacks, so I decided to drive home. It was embarrassing, and I didn’t want Gina to see me in that state.
Apparently, my uncle was going to talk to me about the farm. He had been living there for as long as I could remember. He sold most of his livestock when he retired, but he wasn’t ready to get rid of the cottage. Maybe he finally changed his mind. We had talked about this in the past and he was just being a stubborn old man. He wouldn’t let me help him.
“If I tell you, it won’t be a surprise,” I said, smiling. She wore black trousers that showed off her backside. She was a tease.
“I don’t understand why you have to be so secretive, and you know we have to get back in a few hours. Josh is looking after Nina, and we both know that those two can be trouble,” she said, shaking her head. I had a feeling that Josh had a soft spot for his younger sister, and he let her do anything she wanted.
“You will be back in no time, trust me,” I assured her, and squeezed her thigh. I was considering stopping somewhere to get a little dirty. Things between us were strangely calm, like before an upcoming storm. Today Gina seemed distracted and I started doubting myself, thinking that maybe this wasn’t going anywhere. We were driving down the country road and we weren’t far from the farm. It was still early, and the mist scattered around the fields.
I’d left the farm when I was eighteen and never looked back. Then I joined the Army and my other life was over. My Uncle Fred was like a father to me. He took me in when I was still a child. He was in the military himself and he was never married. Over the years he had never brought a woman home, so I had no idea if he ever dated. We never really talked about that.
“You’re terrible, and just so you know, I don’t like surprises,” she said, folding her arms against her chest.
It took us another half hour to pull up to the familiar road. My stomach tightened, but I told myself to get a grip. Gina wasn’t the only woman I’d ever brought here with me. Louisa had insisted on meeting him and I gave in. Uncle Fred really liked her. He was devastated when he learned that she tried to kill herself because of me. We argued about it many times, and he urged me to get help, and I refused to listen to him.
The farm was situated on a field of several acres. There were some outbuildings at the back with crop machines and horse stables. A few years ago, when my uncle was more active, the farm generated a lot more profit. It was a great business venture that I never intended to pursue. My uncle bought it outright and then built a small cottage with stables. His van was parked outside, and the dogs were barking. This place always made me nostalgic. I had spent most of my childhood here, running around and tending to the animals. My uncle brought me up the best he could.
“Where are we? What is this place?” Gina asked.
“My uncle’s farm. This is where I grew up before I started the high life in the city,” I said, stopping right in front of the cottage. Fred most likely already knew we were here because of the two dogs guarding the entrance. He didn’t get many visitors. He used to go out every Friday for a drink at a local pub, but lately his health hadn’t been a hundred percent. I felt guilty, because I should have visited him when he wasn’t well.
Gina looked surprised, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good sign. Our relationship wasn’t supposed to be serious, but things had moved fast. I thought Gina needed to meet Fred.
“And why did you think this was such a good idea?” she asked, slightly apprehensive.
“Fred is the only family I have left, so I thought it was time for you to meet him,” I said, trying not to make a big deal out of it.
My Uncle Fred showed up at the door a moment later. He narrowed his eyes at me and gestured for us to get inside.
“He doesn’t seem happy that we’re here,” Gina said. She looked around, curious, but somehow reluctant. Louisa was excited too when I brought her here. She thought that it was a huge step. She’d worn her best shoes, but they were ruined by the time she walked through the mud. I had no idea why I was thinking about her. The past didn’t matter. What was important was that Gina was here with me now.
“That’s just Uncle Fred. He’s kind of a moody bastard, don’t worry. Deep down he’s thrilled to see us,” I assured her.
“If you say so,” Gina muttered. When we got out of the car the dogs grew more excited, barking, and trying to jump on us. Uncle had two collies and Gina seemed instantly in love with them, stroking them, and laughing when they tried to lick her face. Louisa hated the dogs.
“All right, let’s get inside; otherwise they will never leave you alone,” I said. The cottage needed to be renovated; some of the walls were cracked inside.
“If I hadn’t called, you would probably only show up at my funeral,” Fred said, walking up to me. We hugged and he slammed his hand against my back a few times. He was never an affectionate guy, so this time he must have really missed me.
“I was planning to see you sooner, but the timing was always an issue,” I responded. “By the way, this is Gina, my girlfriend.”
Gina glanced at me, looking shocked. I was done playing games with her. The past few weeks were great. We were together, and I wanted to call her my girlfriend. Maybe I was going crazy, but hell, I didn’t want to wait around for a better opportunity.
“It’s nice to meet you. I heard a lot of good things about you,” she said, shaking his hand. My uncle was grey and short. He had many more wrinkles and he looked very pale today. The guy was in his late seventies now, but he always had to do something. I’d offered to get him help. He had a couple of boys who looked after the horses, but he always insisted that he needed to move around.
“Don’t listen to this charlatan. I’m not as odd as he makes out,” he said, lifting his lips in a tiny smile. “What would you like to drink, love? Coffee, tea, maybe single malt whiskey?”
“Coffee would be great, thanks,” Gina said, laughing.
I was glad to be back, but my head seemed screwed. Things were looking up for me, and I needed to chill out. Gina had managed to stick with me until now, and that meant something. She wasn’t planning to run away.
“So how did the two of you meet? I thought you were planning to stay single forever,” Fred said. He was trying hard to wind me up. Gina laughed. She knew that was the truth. We weren’t planning to get together. It was supposed to be just sex.
“Gina is my promotional account manager. I’m launching a new app very soon and I’m trying to find a new audience through social media,” I explained, thinking about that day in my apartment. Since then a lot of things had changed, and our agreement didn’t seem real anymore.
We then talked about the farm, my business, and Fred’s health. He kept saying that he was fine, but he seemed slower than usual, in some ways, exhausted. He’d obviously aged and he wasn’t getting any healthier.
Gina was listening, talking about her siblings and her pole dancing dream. After we had a few drinks, Gina excused herself upstairs to the toilet. Fred waited until we were alone to tell me that it was about time I got my shit together.

Gina

I had a feeling Harry and his uncle needed some time alone. I was glad I had agreed to this trip, especially after what happened in the office the other day. I needed some reassurance. My conversation with Crystal had made me uneasy. Then overhearing her conversation with Harry only confirmed I wasn’t just one of those women Harry slept with then tossed away. We were making progress, and that bitch was finally out of the picture.
The man was slowly opening up, and I started to believe that this really could work out. I was reluctant to tell him about my trust issues. I didn’t want to ruin anything between us. Last night Adler phoned me, saying that all the plans had been drafted and that the business could expand over the next year or so. I needed at least one instructor to open another office in Glasgow. Things were moving smoothly, and I was looking forward to my first competition with the girls.
Nina’s grades had improved a little, but she was unhappy. Apparently, Robert broke up with her and she refused to go out. I felt guilty that I had been so busy with work and my new business. We needed to spend some quality time together. I owed it to her.
I washed my hands and left the bathroom. The house was old, and the floor squeaked when I walked through the corridor upstairs. I passed a room with a white door and peered through it. It must have been Harry’s room from years ago, but it seemed like his uncle was stuck in the past. An old desk stood in the corner and there were some old posters on the wall. The books in the cabinet were the kind Harry liked and probably his, and he had a few rare classic editions. The room was dusty, the bed stripped, and there was only an old mattress with some blankets on top. Fred most likely hadn’t cleaned this space for a while.
I couldn’t resist checking the closet and spotted his Army uniform hanging there. When I tugged at it, a picture fell by my feet. I picked it up and gasped. There was Harry smiling at the camera, and he was with a woman. She was stunning, blond, tall and she looked really happy.
I will always love you.
Louisa
She must have given him this picture when they were still dating. I had no idea that he’d brought her here, too. We hadn’t really talked about her, apart from that one day after he attacked me in his sleep.
I put the picture on the cabinet and headed downstairs. The two men weren’t in the kitchen, so I assumed that they went to discuss some private matter. I went outside the cottage and wandered around, hoping to play with the dogs a little. It was cold, but the air around here seemed much fresher than in the city. The dogs were nowhere to be seen, so I walked around admiring the view.
I heard them talking in what looked like the study on the other side of the house. The window was ajar, and I could hear his uncle.
“How long are you going to pretend you don’t want to settle down? She’s the one. You haven’t stopped talking about her.”
I didn’t want to stand there and eavesdrop, but it had been weeks since his nightmare. Harry wasn’t planning to open up to me. Maybe this was wrong, but I needed to know what was going on with him.
“I’m not pretending, but there are other issues I'm dealing with right now. This was supposed to be casual, but I guess it’s much more serious now. We are great together, but I’m fucked up. We both know I can never love her, not the way she deserves,” Harry explained. That stung, but it wasn’t unexpected. He often said he wasn’t capable of loving anyone, even me. I began to wonder why he even brought me here if he didn’t believe in us.
“It’s been years. PTSD isn’t something that just goes away. You won’t be cured. That woman out there cares for you, and you have to tell her what’s going on with you,” Fred stated, sounding angry, and a cold shiver moved down my spine. PTSD, of course. How did I not see it? Harry had all the symptoms. Those terrible nightmares were my biggest clue.
“It’s not a good time for me. One of my ex-lovers is blackmailing me. I went into business with her husband years ago. He was dodgy, so I backed away quickly, now she is threatening to report me to HM Revenue and Custom. I could lose all my capital—”
Wow, this was getting really complicated. I was certain that Harry was talking about Crystal. Maybe that’s why he was so stressed lately. I couldn’t believe she was blackmailing him. Now everything was clear. Harry never wanted her, but he was forced to be around her.
“Get a lawyer, but first speak to Gina. Tell her what is bothering you. Don’t be like me, don’t become isolated and waste your life. It’s too late for me now,” Fred continued. “The farm is yours. I’m too old to look after it. You will do what you think is best, but this girl out there…she’s special and you have to tell her everything.”
“It’s too complicated. Gina is responsible for three younger siblings and she is running a business,” Harry insisted.
“Don’t jump hoops yet. You care for her, and that can easily develop into something deeper,” Fred said, and then I decided to back away.
Shortly after that I went back to the living room, thinking how fast things had developed between us. I gave him a chance and in some ways his uncle was right. I didn’t think I could ever trust anyone to love me, but what if Harry had fallen for me anyway? We must have developed some kind of feelings for each other, but I didn’t think it was love. It was too soon for that.
It was clear to me that we needed to talk about what we wanted from each other. Maybe Harry believed we would never have to talk about his past, but that wasn’t the right approach.
And there was also the issue with Crystal.
I was now too involved to let him go, but the tiny voice in my head reminded me that maybe I needed to, for my own sake.