Chapter 78: Outburst

< Shirley >
"Um... Hey, Shirley?"
I didn't reply and picked up my stuff.
"Shirley?" Dylan called out. I walked out of the arena with him trailing behind.
We were at a racing arena. No, not for the main tournament. It was a trial to check what I lacked. It was a small-time formula race.
You will be glad to know, I fucking lost. I became a goddamn runner-up though. Well, it didn't matter as long as I was not the winner.
Dylan understood he was going to get ignored, so he just walked silently beside me. I sat in his car and closed the door with a loud thud which made him flinch. He quietly sat on the driver's seat and started driving.
He was glancing at me continuously, which was getting on my nerves. His mouth opened and closed like a goldfish as if he were dying to say something but he was too afraid.
"If you are going to say something, spit it out already," I stated coldly.
He averted his eyes and mumbled, "Never mind. I am mute."
I rolled my eyes and looked outside the window. My eyes stung as the urge to cry was overwhelming me.
I was a good-for-nothing. It was supposed to be a small race consisting of only twenty-four contestants. How could I lose like that? That too, after being trained by Dylan.
How could I have made such a silly mistake? I could have gotten myself killed there. Why did I think of that terrifying image of Dylan getting hurt because of me?
After all the training and hard work, I lost. I freaking lost. Because of losing concentration in the middle of the race. I was not trying to make excuses here though. I know it was my own fault, but this overwhelming sense of loss just cracked me.
I felt the car come to a stop.
"Why did you stop the car?" I inquired.
"Uh... Because your apartment is here?" Dylan scratched his cheek.
"Oh." I got out of the car and he started following me. "Where do you think you are going?"
"With you?" He tilted his head with confusion.
"Aren't you starting your office tomorrow? You shouldn't be here with me. Sienna will be mad if she knew you sneak out like this." Both of us entered the elevator. "Perhaps, you should go home and check your schedule for tomorrow," I added.
I didn't want Dylan near me at this time. Because when I was angry, I said the worst things I should not, especially if that person was close to me.
"Don't sweat the small stuff." I glared at him when he had said that. "Okay, okay. I'm well-updated about it and Sienna gave up on me already 'cause I don't listen to her." I crossed my arms against my chest and gave him a cold glance. "Geez! You are scaring me," he muttered.
I chuckled humorlessly. "You, a mafia leader, scared of a pathetic person like me? Don't make me laugh, Dylan."
He heaved a sigh and decided not to say anything else. He started tapping his foot. With every tap, it felt as if he wanted to kiss me senseless.
Somehow, everything was bothering me, even his presence, which always calmed me.
The silence between us, while we were inside the elevator, was suffocating me. I wanted to hide under the deepest caves of the ocean where no one would find me. Alas, there was no such ocean nearby.
Ding!
Finally, the elevator door opened and I barged out in a hurry. I took out my keys to open the door, but the key wasn't connecting to the lock. I huffed and put more force into it.
I sighed, getting frustrated. Eventually, I trashed it on the floor.
"Love, may I help?" Dylan asked and I turned away my face.
He picked up the keys and opened the door like it wasn't a problem, to begin with, making me more frustrated.
Pushing him to the side, I entered my apartment and immediately locked the doors without allowing him in.
"You do know I have spare keys, right?" he spoke up.
I flat-out ignored him and rushed to my comfort zone.
Without changing my clothes, I jumped on the bed and covered myself with the comforter.
"Would you like to eat something? You didn't eat properly in the morning, even though I insisted on feeding you."
Remind me why was he so darn stubborn? Why doesn't he give up on me?
"No," I replied curtly.
"Are you sure?"
"Mind your own damn business."
"Okay. Take rest. Pretend I am not even here. Just tell me if you want anything. I'm here for— argh, I am not here. Whatever. I have never been good at these things, anyway." Dylan huffed.
I heard his footsteps fade away.
I didn't know why I was snapping at him. I just wanted to let all my frustrations out.
I curled up in a ball and let my tears flow, which I had been holding for so long. I put my hands over my mouth to not let out a sob. Dylan was the last person I wanted to see this side of mine. The miserable, loser side.
I wasn't even worth him. He was someone who carried the title of 'The Unbeatable' and then he had me...
"Want some ice cream and chocolates? Google says they help when you are upset." Someone said they weren't gonna be here.
I cleared my throat and said, "Leave me alone." My voice came out worse than I expected it to.
"What's with that horrible voice? Did your vocal cords get infected or what?"
"Leave, Dylan."
"Then get up and kick me out yourself."
"Get lost. I am trying to sleep." I closed my eyes, hoping the fountain of tears would stop.
"Well, guess what? It's not bedtime yet."
I didn't bother replying anymore. My throat was dry like that of a thirsty crow.
All of a sudden, the comforter was pulled away from me. "Reply to me, will yo— Are you crying?"
I quickly wiped my tears and sat up. "What's your problem? Why don't you leave me alone?" I snapped.
"Remember when I told you I will always be there for you in your good and bad times? I don't lie, you know." I shot him a death glare and he added, "At least I don't lie to you." He softly smiled at me.
Glancing at his heartwarming smile, I again realized I was not worth it. I was just an embarrassment to him; someone who could never hope to stand by his side as an equal.
I remembered what the winner from the earlier race told me, "I heard that Dylan Lewiston taught you. I can't believe my idol would waste his precious time on someone like you. Maybe you were so hopeless he didn't even bother teaching you well. It would've been much better if—"
I was brought out of my trance by Dylan.
"Shirley?" His alluring grey orbs were staring right at me. My breath hitched.
He cupped my cheek and said to me, "Hey, you can share anything and everything with me. I swear on Xavier, I won't be sarcastic about it."
I gulped and said something dreadful I shouldn't have. I don't know what came over me that time.
"It's your fault," I mumbled, almost subconsciously.
"What?"
"It's all your fault!" I raised my voice.
His hands left my cheek as he stood up. His eyes held utter disbelief. "What in the blazes are you talking about, Shirley?"
"Only if you had taught me better, then I could have won! I wanted to be your apprentice because you are the best and I knew you would make me win. Then how in the hell could I lose to a nobody like that tattooed punk? There must be something wrong in our training."
When you're angry, you say such horrible stuff that makes you want to dive into a deep pond without knowing how to swim—well, that's my case, indeed.
Dylan clenched his fist and said calmly, "It is basic human nature to blame someone else for their own flaws. But that doesn't mean that you will just put the blame on me and I will take it like a good, little obedient kid."
I clutched my comforter tighter to swallow the burning pain in my chest.
I gulped before saying, "You are the one who was always busy with your laptop and phone, while I was exercising my butt off. Tell me honestly. Did you ever really pay attention to my training? Or was it just a time-pass for you?"
"I have some standards. I don't do such lowly stuff such as training a novice to pass my important time."
"Well then. Why don't you leave me alone? Just leave me and be done with it! I don't want to talk to you or even see your infuriating face. You remind me all the more that I am a fucking loser."
He gritted his teeth and replied, "It's not like I want to keep looking at you or anything. I have better things to look and listen to, such as my cell phone and songs."
"Then do that. I will be grateful if you left me." I refused to look into his eyes because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle myself if I did.
"Fine, I will leave! Do whatever you want. I don't care." With that, he walked out of my bedroom. After a few seconds, I heard the main door close with a loud bang.
After he left, it became very silent. The lonesome feeling engulfed my heart. I took a deep breath and went to the balcony. I sat on the floor and pulled my knees to my chest.
I buried my face in my hands and started crying like a madwoman. The emotions swirling inside me were so overpowering that I couldn't describe them.
We, humans, were such peculiar creatures, weren't we? I was the one who wanted him to leave, then why do I feel so alone?
"Why do I want him to come back? Why is it that my heart is screaming to stop him? With an ego and pride as big as his, he will never even look back at me, will he?" I hiccupped.
"Still, I shouldn't have said those things to him. I am the one who always wanted to skip the training. Yet, he didn't point that out even while being angry. What a pity."
I leaned my head against the wall and gazed at the sky.
"Wow. Even the sky is cloudy tonight. Maybe it will start raining too. Perfect weather to mourn, huh?" I said to myself in a bitter tone with tears running down my cheeks.
"It's good that Dylan left me. I wasn't worth him, anyway. But still... He yelled at me too. Maybe he didn't love me, after all. It was just infatuation for him. That's great. At least, I will have that excuse." I chortled.
My heart was aching so badly. My hands were shivering. I felt as though jumping from the balcony would be the best course of action for me.
"Well, I wonder if I should try cutting my wrist or something like that to get some peace?"