Chapter 51 - You're Not a Failure

*“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” ― Elbert Hubbard*

***Neron***

Garnet Moon bustled with uncontained life and vivacious energy under the brilliant morning sun, embracing a new day full of infinite possibilities. Sweet Diana soared high above the redwood trees, singing her song before coming to rest upon my shoulder. In my palms held a small bowl with nuts and fruit Lead Omega Cleo helped prepare. The owl immediately noticed her breakfast and hopped to my lap, burying her beak in the assortments. Laughing, I watched the bundle of feathers feast happily.

I’m sitting on the hood of my car, waiting for Kwame and Raina so we can head back to Nevada. Early this morning, I’ve written a list of situations I needed to take care of, beginning with Odessa. I need to settle this madness. Valerian texted me to say she is awake and responsive in the hospital, then demanding food from the nurses. Her fate rests in my hands. Death is the logical solution after she admitted to fraternizing with the enemy, framing an innocent woman for her crime, and attempting to kill Kiya again.

However, I’m conflicted. Death continues to linger around me as an invisible miasma, grasping at my throat. There is no alternative for Odessa’s fate other than her body in ashes, but I don’t know if that is the avenue I want to take.

I saw how Kiya changed after murdering Tristan; the light burning in her eyes died. I’ve killed rogues and criminals before, but this is different. While I no longer hold no love for Odessa, I’ve never taken the life of a woman before, specially the fated mate of another.

Speaking of, I was pulled out of my thoughts when I spotted Darien walking toward the entrance point of the redwood forest. Aware of my eyes on him, we both shared a glance. His revulsion of me reared its ugly head when he sneered at me, appalled, before retreating into the woodlands.

There was so much I wanted to say to him but couldn’t say. If I was in his position, I’d hate myself too.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips. I picked Diana up and placed her on my shoulders after she finished eating, discarding the leftovers in the trash. Dusting off my hands, I hear the shuffling of footsteps behind me, unhesitant with purpose. I assumed it was my wolves until I turned around.

My eyes widened when I found the person to be Nikolai. We stood three feet apart, sparing glances at one another in silence. A man full of wisdom and experience, he emitted a type of energy I couldn’t describe. I wonder why he’s here.

“Neron.” He spoke. “Do you need anything before you depart?”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t. but thank you for asking. I’ve asked Anthony to text me about the updates from Miss Phoebe, in case we get a lead on Kiya’s location.” Pain erupted in my chest at the thought of Kiya. Onyx whimpered as well, concerned about her wellbeing. No one knows if she is okay.

“Of course.” Nikolai gave me a curt nod. “How about you? You look as if you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“Perhaps the entire universe, if I’m being honest.” Chuckling, I checked the gas tank to see if I had enough to make the five-hour trip home. “You know better than anyone that an Alpha’s job never ends. There are some pressing situations I have to take care of back home.”

“Do they include your father?”

My left eye twitched in irritation. “More or less.”

Nikolai shuffled slightly in his stance, huffing. He didn’t look nervous, but contemplating what he is about to say next. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as the sun revealed the gold undertone of his greying hair. “Neron, I understand there is a lot of pressure on you. But what I want you to know is to trust your heart and your instincts, always.”

I arched an eyebrow, perplexed. Closing the fuel line of my car, I walked to him again, ignoring Diana preening my hair. “Where is this coming from, Nikolai?”

“I won’t butt in your personal affairs. It’s not my place to. But, coming from a father, I want to say—no, implore you to do what you believe is right. Trust your gut, for it knows what your head hasn’t figured out. Listen to yourself and understand that your father isn’t always right.”

Nikolai is the second person to tell me that besides Kiya. As the days pass, I’ve grown more cognizant of how faulty my father’s view of the world is; at how he believes the sole way to earn respect is through power and fear. That’s not the person I am and not the person I want to be. Respect earned through fear isn’t genuine respect. I’m a grown man capable of making my own decisions, yet that is where my dad and I butt heads the most. Our beliefs contradict each other.

“One more thing, Neron.” He seized my attention once more. “You’re not a failure.” And with that, he left. My heart stopped beating in my chest, soaking in the finality of his words. Nikolai telling me those words was like a fresh gulp of water after countless days in heat. It illuminated a light for the path I couldn’t see and haven’t seen, ever. I bit my lip, struggling to keep back the monsoon of emotions surging within me as I watching his receding form fade into the pack house.

Why did he say that? Dad’s brutal words of how I **am** a failure bombarded my mind, whipping me until I couldn’t fight back, but Nikolai’s words swooped in and turned them to ash.

“Hoo?” Diana croaked out, pecking my cheek gingerly. I turned to spare her a glance as she craned her neck to the side. Smiling, I rubbed her head with a finger.

“I’m alright, just…surprised.”

It wasn’t long until Raina and Kwame arrived at my car and we made our way back home. Throughout the entire ride and Diana hopping around the dashboard entertaining my trusted wolves, Nikolai’s words rung in my head like a siren, growing louder until I couldn’t hear the music blasting from the radio.

You’re not a failure.

*You’re not a failure*.

***You’re not a failure***.

--------

It was almost noon when the three of us rolled into my lands. Already, the atmosphere differed from Garnet Moon’s jubilance; uncomfortable to breathe in. Everything looks the same as I left it, minus the pup trainees’ training on their side of the grass, mourning the loss of their instructor.

Kwame and Raina reunited with their mates who were impatiently awaiting their return whilst I made my trek to the pack hospital. Upon arrival, Dr. Jackson and his team led me to Odessa’s room, where a couple of my warriors were posted to make certain she didn’t escape. I can’t be too careful as more traitors come to light.

Dismissing my soldiers, I opened the door to the hospital room and walked in. Odessa was sitting in her blue hospital gown with strips of her bandages exposed from her short sleeves. Her hair is somewhat dishevelled, sticking out from the ends, and her skin lost its tan luster. However, her nostrils flared when inhaling my scent, snapping her neck toward me. From there, she grinned, hopping slightly in her bed.

“Neron!” She exclaimed, overjoyed. “You came to see me! I missed you so much!”

I didn’t match her enthusiasm. Onyx rumbled in my chest, unhappy to see the woman who took part in causing our mate pain. Her confession is still fresh on my mind since the day she said it, raw. Leaning against the threshold, I crossed my arms and stared her down. It took her a minute to realize that I wouldn’t be gracing her with my smiles.

“I’m not here for pleasantries, Odessa.” I revealed. “You have a lot to answer for.”

“Before you do anything, just know that I did everything for you. My intentions were pure, I swear! You know I’d do anything for you!” She exclaimed, her hazel eyes glittering with limitless hope. “I loved you for a long time, Neron. That hasn’t changed. You know what the humans say, risk everything for love.”

“That’s no excuse for the amount of people you’ve hurt, including Darien.”

Odessa’s breath hitched in her throat, eyes moistening with tears at the mention of her ex-mate. Quickly, she averted her gaze back to her lap, clutching the bottom hem of her gown. “He didn’t understand, Neron. And he didn’t love me enough to stay with me.”

“I don’t think anyone would stay with the person who betrayed them. Odessa, he’s hurting. You’ve hurt him on your conquest for my affection. Don’t you understand the pain you caused him? That’s not the type of love I want; where you have to hurt others to get it. See how messed up that sounds?”

“I don’t care!” She screeched. “He rejected me, so it is his loss for losing someone as wonderful as me! The Moon Goddess destined us to be together, and he threw it away!”

“You did too.”

“Because I love you and I can’t let you go, Neron! You’re mine!” Odessa plopped her head back on her pillow, wiping away her tears with her hand. “You were always there for me, even when my parents died. Even when my bitch of an aunt couldn’t stand the idea of taking care of me, you were my rock. The sun to my moon; the shining light in my darkness. No matter how much Aunt Leah told me I was a burden, you were there to tell me I wasn’t. I proved her wrong, didn’t I? Someone loved me, and it was you—an Alpha—someone she’d never dream of loving me.”

My eyes drifted closed at the remembrances of our past. Her aunt always pushed away Odessa, her sole caretaker after her parents died in battle. Leah Rossi had on a clever façade that she’d take care of young Odessa, but in actuality, was praying for her ‘burden’ to disappear. I despised her and her deceit, but no one would believe the words of a child. I comforted Odessa and built her up against her Aunt’s horrible projections, and along the way, we fell in love. Somewhere that all changed.

“That is, until you abandoned me for someone else after we made a promise to be together always! You need me and I need you!”

“Odessa, can you sit there and honestly say that you loved me for me?” I challenged her, cocking my head to the side, curious. “Did you want to be with me because I’m the one for you or because I’m an Alpha? I did love you, but this? This is crazy.”

“You always made me feel powerful, Neron. By your side, I was invincible! No one could ever touch me. You proved that I’m your number one when you chose me. If only your damn wolf was onboard, I’d be your Luna. Hell, even Ariel had a problem with that, but she was awfully stiff in her beliefs to see that she could’ve been powerful too.”

“Was that all I was to you? A tool to give you power? My personality or aspirations didn’'t matter to you, it seems. It was about what I could give you.”

“N-No, I didn’t mean it like that, Neron.” Odessa rubbed her forehead in irritation. “You made me feel good. You were a sweetheart. Handsome and powerful—but you were soft. I didn’t mind that because it was meant for me. But to see you wield so much authority was seductive. You had people crawling at your feed, begging for forgiveness! Darien couldn’t give me that. He was my mate, but he is a Delta. Power and status attract women, and he didn’t have either.”

“Darien was a far better man for you than I ever could be. It’s a shame you couldn’t see it.” Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose. Could our love have been so twisted than neither of us saw the raw truth about one another? Odessa spoke about nothing but power, status, and supremacy. If that is what all I was to her, then I’ve been a fool blinded by love, or what I thought was love, just as Dad said. “He loved you, and you tossed him aside.”

“Just like you did for that worthless bitch! I may have broken Darien’s heart, but you broke mine first! Even now, your eyes don’t shine for me anymore! You let me go without a fight. I deserved to be fought for. You threw away the best thing to have happened to you, and I hope you regret it until the day you die. You’re a failure, just like your Dad said! I hope you suffer for your choices and are damned to a life of loneliness!”

An uncomfortable silence fell between us for what seemed like an eternity. With nothing else to say, Odessa turned her body away from me, pulling her blanket to her neck. I’m not sure what to feel except I’ve ruined someone again. First Kiya, and now Odessa. King Midas’ touch turned everything to gold, but my touch turned everything to dust. Onyx offered his warmth to comfort me, but I said nothing.

As I turned to leave the room, I was stopped by a “Alpha Neron, wait.” Turning, I faced Odessa, sitting upright on her bed, staring at me with intense desperation. But it wasn’t Odessa because her eyes aren’t emerald green. It is Ariel. “I have a request and I’m willing to take whatever risks necessary to accomplish this.”

Both curiosity and dread bubbled in me, but I nodded. “What is it, Ariel?”

“I want to separate myself from my human, and I’m willing to die for it."