Chapter 46 - Switch

*“No matter what evil might come one's way to be loved is to be protected.” ― Kate Morton*

***Neron***

“**I still think you need to think this, though, Neron**.”

“*You’ve been telling me that since last night, Onyx*. Y*ou won’t change my mind*.”

I inhaled the sweet perfume of maple and earth. The sun, poking its light through the leaves of the trees, stretched over me like a soothing blanket. Yet, I didn’t feel an inch of warmth. Leaning my back against a tree bark, I replayed last night’s events until I memorized every detail of what had happened.

A dull throb poked at my temple. My head was still reeling in from what Dad did to me. And to think he used my body to hurt Kiya. There was no way I could let this go. I had to nip this situation in the bud before it gets worse, and it *will* get worse.

No one could tell me I should be happy with the choices I made because I wasn’t. Every choice I made was a blade to the heart because there was one thing I hated most in the world, and it was seeing my mate sad.

Dad got a taste of controlling me from the literal inside of my body, and he’ll try again and again until he assumes total control. Was that his plan all along? Was that the reason he told me I was his ‘guinea pig?’ I was the main test subject for his curse, and he was going to do the same with Mom and Nuria if he was successful with me.

My stomach churned at the thought.

I told Kiya last night that we had a choice to make. And we didn’t make it. We were at a stalemate because she believed throwing me away in the dungeons to protect everyone was too extreme.

But I had to think like the alpha I was. I had to think about the best option to protect her and my pack from myself.

And that meant disappointing the love of my life. I wanted to punch myself in the face for that.

Last night was the first night, in a long time, that we slept in separate beds. I barely slept a wink. I couldn’t risk another headache, another slip-up, and harm coming to Kiya while she slept beside me.

I kept telling myself that I was doing this to protect her. Keeping my distance, for now, ensured her safety. To keep her safe from Dad.

Yet, every time I try to rationalize this, my heart continued to hurt more.

How do I keep Kiya happy but also safe if Dad struck again?

“**There has to be another solution besides locking you up**,” Onyx said as I pushed myself off the tree. “**I can’t think of a single person who’d be happy with you chained like a rabid animal in the dungeons**.”

“*If you have any ideas, I’m happy to hear them*,” I said, grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling it off me.

“**I know, and I’m thinking, because I don’t want to be separated from Kiya and Artemis**. **That is what your dad would want; to drive a wedge between us because his end goal is to destroy both you and her**.”

Kiya’s saddened face flashed in my mind when I told her she had to sleep in her room. She looked as if she was about to cry, but toughened up and donned her stony mask. The swiftness of her shielding her emotions twisted my gut because I was the one who made her act like that. It was my fault she had to resort to such a thing so she wouldn’t appear weak.

She’s far from weak.

“*I don’t fucking want this, Onyx*,” I answered, unbuckling my belt and shoving my pants off. “*To be apart from her like this, it hurts so damn much*. *But I can’t risk her getting hurt like she did last night*! *Seeing the blood on her arm made me feel—*”

“**Like a monster**. **For a moment, Neron, you thought you’ve become the old you; the one who had to become your father’s faithful little boy and the one who hurt her all those years ago**.” Onyx sighed. “**You can’t let yourself think like that because your dad is trying to shove you into that same box**. **That’s why he’s doing these things, not just to destroy what you and Kiya have, but to prove that you’ll always be the person you were before—the Neron he *wanted* you to be**.”

How many times had Andreas told me I forced myself to assimilate into Dad’s idea of me in order to survive? Yes, I wasn’t the person I was before, but I’d be damned if anyone makes me like him again.

“*Regardless, I have to stop this before it gets worse, Onyx*.” I took in a deep breath and allowed my body to shift. The snapping, deconstruction, and reconstruction of my bones sang its sour notes into the air. Black fur sprouted from my skin as soon as I dropped onto all fours and in half a minute, I was in my wolf form. Onyx, now in the driver’s seat, bolted into the forest like a bullet.

“**I still think there’s another angle we aren’t looking at**.” My wolf insisted.

“*I’ve looked at every angle, Onyx*. *The curse is going to continue to hurt the both of us the longer we let this marinate*.”

“**…It didn’t**.”

“*What*?”

“**The curse**. **I have felt nothing from it, at least, to the extent you’re feeling**.” Onyx hopped over logs and dodged protruding tree roots. “**Honestly, the only pain I’ve gotten was whenever your dad tried to bat me out of the way from helping you**.”

What the hell? I was under the impression Dad was fucking with both of us, but Onyx was alright this entire time. “*I’m so confused*. *We’re connected, so why isn’t the shit show bleeding into you*?”

“**Your Dad always thought of me as a nuisance, believe it or not**.” He huffed. “**I’m the person who not only talks you out of stupid shit, but also the little angel on your right shoulder**.”

“*You’re far from an angel*.”

“**I can be your devil too, but that’s beside the point**.” Onyx pounded his paws harder against the forest floor. “**Your Dad always expected me to fall in line with whatever you do**. **His attitude hasn’t changed at all, it seemed.**”

“*Onyx…I really hate to say this, but you’re a genius*.”

Onyx stopped and growled in a way that resembled a deep laugh. “**Oh, I always knew I was the smartest out of the both of us**. **It’s destiny**.”

“*Did you miss the part where I said I really hated to say that*?”

“**As if I care**. **Now, bow and kiss the feet of your intellectually superior**.”

I hate him. “*I’d rather pluck my eyes out with a spoon*.”

“**You’re missing out**.”

I resisted the urge to roll my own eyes. “*Anyway, I think I may have found another alternative to locking me up, and it involves you*.”

“*Does this mean I have to do all the work*?” He groaned.

“**Yes, you do**. **But, I think this alternative will benefit not just us, but Kiya and Artemis as well**. **And you need to get out more**.”

“**Tell me this plan of yours, ol’ wise one**.”

Onyx continued to burn the stress away in his muscles as I told him about the alternative plan. He was silent through the explanation. I felt hopeful since the fiasco of last night, and I believed Onyx would be on board. After a couple of minutes, he trotted back to the tree. I set my clothes by and sat on his hind legs.

“**I like it**. **It’ll save us both the headache**. **How long do you expect this plan to go on**?”

“*Long enough until there is a cure for the curse.*”

“**But neither of us knows how long that’ll take**.”

“*I know, and it fucking sucks, but I can’t let Dad win*. *If I have to retreat inside my head to stop his attacks before he slithers in, then that’s what I’m going to do.*”

Onyx sighed, pushing his paws forward and stretching his back. “**Alright**. **We’ll tell our mate tonight about our plan**.”

After shifting back, I was zipping up and buckling my pants until the world around me faded into a spotty haze. The sensation of being pulled from my consciousness accompanied the visual distortion, and my mind grew hot. A mist crawled in from the corners of my eyes, swirling and twirling into the center of my field, pulling in colors from nowhere to create a living, movable film reel in front of my eyes. I gripped the tree bark for balance.

A vision.

*I haven’t had one in a while*.

This vision played awfully fast, like someone grabbed the remote control and fast-forwarded the movie. However, despite its speed, I could understand what my ability was showing me. My head was hot, but the rest of my body was cool. Oddly, I felt bursts of cool pooling at my palms.

The vision showed an ethereal bond connected from one body to another. Misting with black ulcers of rot decorated the length of the thick thread. On one side, deep crimson energy swirled fast like a tornado, hurtling toward the opposite side. Suddenly, a splice of silver energy came down and severed the bond in half, leaving both halves to shrivel up and fade into nothingness. The cool in my body increased.

Then, the vision shifted to Kiya’s hand, sliding into my upturned one. Dancing silver light outlined her brown skin in a mirage of spirals and double helixes, ascending to her digits, jumping off from the tips of her fingers, and sinking into my skin.

And just like that, the vision was over.

My head cooled and my body warmed up again. Blinking, I took in a deep breath to acclimate myself back to my surroundings. The warm summer breeze brushed against my bare torso and the cardinals zipped past my face to fly into their homes in the branches.

“**Are you alright**?” Onyx asked me.

“*Yeah, I think so*,” I replied, settling my back against the tree. What did those visions mean? There had to be a reason I saw these just now, and with the nasty habit of these visions coming true…

There truly was hope in my situation, after all.

---------------------------------------------------

The sun had long set by the time I returned to the pack house. I had skipped dinner, and my stomach was growling for sustenance. On my way to the kitchen, I bumped into Raina carrying a sleeping Orchid on her hip. The sweet baby girl was drooling.

“Hey, Neron.” Raina greeted with a warm smile. “I haven’t seen you at dinner. Were you in the forest all day?”

“Yes. I needed space to clear my head for a bit.” I pointed to Orchid. “What’s the story there?”

“Ah, my little flower tired herself out from playing with the pack kids and Lupin all day. Luli gave the kids some yogurt after dinner, and yogurt knocks Orchid out like a light.” My Beta Female chuckled, adjusting her daughter’s head. “Thank Goddess for it; Val and I won’t have to break our backs trying to put her to sleep.”

I chuckled. “If only the children could lend us some of their energy for a bit. Is Luli still in the kitchen?”

Raina shook her head. “Nope. She retired for the evening. She left some food for you in the fridge, in case you get hungry.”

“How thoughtful of her. Well, goodnight Raina.” I walked past her toward the kitchen, only to be stopped when she put a hand on my wrist.

“Neron, can I ask you a question, if it isn’t too personal?”

I turned around and arched an eyebrow. “It depends. What is it?”

“I don’t want to pry, but tonight was the first night I haven’t seen you and Kiya together at dinner. In fact, she was holed up in her room all day. Alana and Aiyana have been asking about you two, but I wasn’t sure what to say.”

“What did you end up telling them?”

“I just said that the both of you were busy with your duties. They took it well, I think.” Raina sighed and gave me a small smile. “I know you both have a lot on your plates right now, but I’m a little worried.”

Expelling a deep sigh, I straightened my stance. “Well, it’s true that we’re dealing with a lot and I appreciate your concern, Raina. Things with my father reached an all-time high and I’m figuring out the best course of action I need to take. You said she was holed up in her room all day?”

“Yeah, she came down but took her dinner into the common room. She’s still in there in case you’re wondering. Is there anything you want me, Val, or the Gammas to do? We’re here to help you, too.”

I smiled warmly at Raina’s words. She had that helping gene in her DNA; always asking if she could help with anything, especially when we were moved here three years ago. “Thank you, Raina. As of right now, I don’t need help, but I’ll let you know if I do. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Oh, Raina, I heard you were planning a spa day with Lorelai and Kiya?”

“Lori can’t keep secrets if it’s to save her life.” She scoffed playfully before nodding. “Yeah, that’s the plan. I… I haven’t been able to spend a lot of time with Kiya, you know? I guess being an avatar is a full-time job, right?”

*Crap*. Now I felt guilty. Sure, Kiya had her magic stuff going on, but I also been taking up a lot of her time. Ashamed, I bowed my head slightly. “I apologize, Raina. I might also be the reason, given we’re in a relationship and—”

“Oh, Neron, I didn’t mean that.” She reassured. “It’s not because of you. Um, I think most of the blame is on my part.” Raina bit her bottom lip, suddenly tapping her foot behind her other ankle—a quirk she did whenever she was nervous. “I want to do things right by her and I don’t want to screw up like I did before.”

“I don’t think you’ll mess up, Rain.”

“Probably not, but…” She sighed heavily, her brown eyes reflecting sadness. “Sometimes, I think about what I did to her. I can’t ever forget that, but…I still want to be Kiya’s big sister. The best big sister I can be, even though I don’t deserve to be around her.”

Walking up to Raina, I placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me with sad, glistening eyes and sighed, rubbing circles on Orchid’s back, more to calm herself down than her daughter. “I can’t speak for Kiya because I feel the same way sometimes. If you let Kiya know how you feel, I’m sure you both can work something out, even if it is over facials and mud masks.”

Raina’s face brightened up with her smile, soft laughter spilling out of her lips. Inhaling softly, she bobbed her head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll talk to her when we have the spa day. Lori and I still have to figure out a day away from our kids.”

“Ah, I can’t relate to that. But I wish you luck on that.”

“Oh please, we’ll probably make you and our husbands babysit them.” Raina kidded, shooting me a wink. Something told me that there was some truth in her words. “See you in the morning, Neron.”

“Have a good night, Raina.”

And with that, the Beta Female walked up the steps to Orchid’s bedroom.

I spent the next ten minutes in the kitchen eating my plate of roasted chicken and vegetables. Afterward, I trudged toward the common room to see if Kiya was still inside. Her scent wafted from the door. Knocking on the door with my knuckles, I leaned against the wall by the bicep and waited for a response.

“Kiya? Are you inside?”

Silence.

How odd. I knocked again, only to be met with the same response. Why wasn’t she answering me?

When I pushed the doors open, I got the answer to my question.

Kiya was curled up in a ball on the black couch with one arm tucked under her head. Her chest rose and fall with her gentle breathing. Two black and white masses rested behind her bent knees and on her hip, their ears switching every once in a while. Ebony and Ivory were sound asleep with their owner. I walked closer to the couch to see my husky sleeping at the bottom of the sofa, his jaw on his front legs.

This was so sweet! I almost didn’t want to disturb them.

On the table in front of them housed her laptop flickering from its moon screensaver, a notebook with a pen on top, and an empty bowl and cup at the corner.

*My angel must’ve been so tired*…

I picked up her notebook and flipped through the pages filled with her neat handwriting. Black ink transcribed and detailed her findings of how to break curses, Miss Phoebe’s, Violetta’s, and Asim’s suggestions on potions and rituals, and ideas on how to conduct her own hex breaking ritual.

On the first page of her nose, written at the top, read *How to Help Neron*.

I darted my eyes from the notebook to Kiya’s sleeping form, surrendering into a haze of euphoria and happiness spiraling from my heart into my very soul. There was no greater feeling in the world to see, tangibly, that my mate cared about me. I wanted to pick her up from her slumber and hug her with every ounce of appreciation my body held. A twinge of sadness rained on my parade, knowing Kiya worked herself to exhaustion with her friends to help me.

Regret punched me in the gut. We separated from each other for the whole day, and I planned on rectifying it. Dad or not, tonight my mate will be with me. I couldn’t stand another night in bed without her body beside mine.

I shut her laptop closed, gathered her stuff, and set them aside. Kneeling down, I pet Lupin on the head to wake him up. Gold eyes burst open, and the dog growled because I disturbed him from whatever puppy dream he was having.

“Lupin, head to your bed.” I said, pointing to his dog bed in the corner of the common room. Lupin huffed and trotted over, settling himself on his pillow. Cautiously, I removed the cats one by one and set them in their own beds as well. Walking back to Kiya’s sleeping form, I turned her on her back and set her items on her stomach. Mindful of her hair, I tucked my arm underneath her knees and around her shoulders and lifted her up in my arms like she was my bride. The pack house was almost quiet by the time I walked toward the stairs, with the habitants turning in for the night. My footsteps echoed with every step I made up the stairs toward my room.

Suddenly, I felt a shift in my arms. “N-Neron?”

My eyes dropped to Kiya, stirring awake, her eyes barely open. “I’m here, *min gudinna*. I’m taking you to my room. Did I wake you?”

“No…you were gone all day…” She said in her cute, sleepy voice. “Are you okay?”

My heart started hurting all over again. “I’m alright.”

“You missed dinner.”

“I know I did. I needed a little time to myself in the forest.” I gently kicked my door open before stepping inside. “Forgive me for leaving you alone.”

“You did nothing wrong,” Kiya said as I set her on the bed. “You needed space. I would’ve done the same thing.”

Smiling small, I ran my knuckles down her cheek, admiring her beauty like I always did. “Are you up for talking, love?”

Kiya opened her eyes and regarded me with a curious look. Pushing herself up on the mattress, she swung her legs over the edge and patted the spot beside her. I took her offered seat, our knees brushing against each other. “What’s going on?”

Inhaling a deep breath, I propped my elbows on my thighs and folded my hands, maintaining eye contact with her. “Onyx and I have been talking about what to do with this situation. Given the circumstances and the risks, we’ve agreed to a temporary semi-permanent switch until we dealt the curse with.”

My girlfriend blinked, showing her confusion by furrowing her eyebrows. “So, Onyx will be in control for most of the time?”

“He will be in control one hundred percent. The curse only affects me, which means with Onyx in control, Dad’s influence won’t be as powerful, and you nor anyone else will come to harm. And I can better stop my father when inside my head, the first place where he’ll attack.”

“…I understand the logic. I really do. But, I hate the fact that you have to…” She sighed. “…go away. But I didn’t know the curse didn’t hurt Onyx. I assumed your father poisoned you both.”

“I assumed too,” I responded. “But it’s a loophole Dad didn’t care about, mostly because he probably expected Onyx to fall with me by extension. And that loophole is what we’ll use to our advantage.”

“Will this work?” Kiya turned her head to the lamp table and picked up her notebook filled with her notes. “I’ve been talking with Phoebe and the others about what we can do to help you. We might have to do a hex-breaking ritual, but we haven’t figured out the logistics of it yet, because according to Phoebe, these are powerful rituals that can go wrong if we’re not careful. And this type of curse is unique, so we’ll have to perform a ritual from scratch.”

“The four of you spent all day talking,” I said as a statement.

“Yeah. I just…I don’t like your father hurting you like this.” She set her notebook on her lap, gripping the edge tight in her palms like a nervous schoolgirl. Her eyes dropped to my hands, then rose back to my face, her eyes holding mine. There was a faint twinkle in her eyes, slowly growing into a star. The light held her internal secrets, trying to tell me something without explicitly saying the words.

What did Kiya *really* want to say to me?

“I don’t either, but he’s never going to stop.” The hardest truth of it all is even if Dad manages to get me, the abuse wouldn’t stop. If he gets to Mom and Nuria the same way he has with me, he’ll hurt them just as he hurt me. That’s why I’m fighting. That’s why I’m willing to live in the trenches of my head until the curse is lifted.

I was still a threat, whether we liked it or not.

“We still have to figure out what to do about Odessa, Rhea, Katalina, and who knows who else? It’s been almost a week since the cave incident.”

“If any of them try to attack our home, we’ll be ready. They won’t catch us off guard this time.”

Kiya fell silent, her body deflating with her silent exhale. She opened her mouth and promptly closed it, gently shaking her head. Her sadness stretched from her body and latched onto me. Unable to stand her forlorn expression, I sat up straight and turned my body toward her. My girlfriend looked up at me again, sighing in content when I pulled her into my lap. She sat sideways with her head on my shoulder and hand on my forearm.

I dropped a kiss on her forehead, setting my chin on top of her head. “I’m doing this to protect you. You know that, right?”

She nodded. “I know.”

“What happened yesterday was too close of a call for me. A threshold that should’ve never been crossed was. I refuse to allow anyone to control me or to use me to harm the people I love.”

“I know that, too.”

“Onyx will protect you in my stead, not that he’ll ever stop.” I chuckled. “I have confidence that you and the other avatars will find a solution to my problem. If it comes down to a ritual, or whatever else it’ll come to be, know that I’m willing to take all the risks to sever Dad’s curse on me.”

“What will we tell the girls? I wish we can tell them what’s really going on, you know? They deserve the truth, but I don’t want to burden them with worry.”

I took Kiya’s hand into mine, running my thumb over her knuckles. “I don’t like the idea of bringing the girls into our problem. Onyx has an idea on what to tell them if they ask why they haven’t seen me in a while. However, I like to keep them far away from anything related to Dad, Apophis, and everything in between. Kids should stay kids, worrying about kid stuff.”

A hum escaped Kiya’s lips as she nodded in agreement. “You have a point. Perhaps, when it is truly needed, we’ll tell them. The future hasn’t been written yet, so we don’t know what may happen, but someday, they’ll understand the whole magic and gods thing.”

“They’re smart. They’ll understand.” I raised my hand to smooth out the hair on the back of her neck, loving the feeling of her tight curls. “When the danger passes, I want to take the four of us out to do something fun.”

Kiya raised her head, a smile slowly stretching on her face. There it is, the cure for my ills. “We’re on the same wavelength. I’ve been thinking about it too. We can take them to the water park or a museum, a zoo, downtown Portland, or even Six Flags! Or we can travel to different states like New York? I think they’ll like Times Square—”

“You *really* thought about this, haven’t you?”

“Yeah! I mean, there’s so much we can do for them. I know you have a pack to run, but…” She shrugged her shoulders. “You can have fun outside of Oregon.”

“As long as you’re with me.”

We fell into a comfortable silence until Kiya spoke again, her voice just above a whisper. “With this switch…when will it happen?”

“Tonight,” I answered. “Dad could come and hurt me at any time. I can’t afford to delay it.”

“Alright.” Kiya nodded, expelling a sharp sigh. She grabbed my hand with both of hers, holding it to her chest. “I won’t rest until I find the answer to breaking this curse. You can count on me, Neron.”

“I want you to rest. You didn’t rest at all today.”

She averted her eyes. “Yeah…about that…”

“I don’t want to run yourself ragged, understand? No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You will find the answers, but not when you’re exhausted. There are twenty-four hours in a day—you can spend some of those hours resting.”

Kiya wanted to protest, but I silenced her with a shake of my head. Huffing silently, she tightened her grip on my hand and relented. “Fine.”

“And don’t think you can get away with not resting. Onyx will tell me everything, and I can still observe in the background.”

“Ugh.” She rolled her eyes. “I can’t get anything past you.”

“Hell no, you can’t.”

I didn’t want to leave her, but I had to. Onyx will take care of her while I take care of the curse from the inside of my body. This is only temporary, I tell myself. What that slip-up from yesterday had taught me is that once a problem appeared, it’ll only get worse unless I do something about it.

Kissing Kiya’s forehead again, I locked eyes with her once again. “I’ll be back sooner than you realize, my love. I believe in you.”

“And I believe in you.” She whispered, setting my hand on her lap and taking my face into hers, planting both palms on each cheek. “You’re strong, Neron. Stay strong in there, okay? We’re going to get out of this. You *will* get out of this.”

The way Kiya pulled my head toward hers to kiss my lips filled my body with a delightful shudder. Her warmth shot from her plump lips and held my organs hostage while caressing every cell inside and outside on my skin. Our lips moved in heavenly synchronicity, covering us in a dome of safety and bliss. Sighing softly, I wrapped both arms around her delicate waist and held her as tight as I could. Kiya adjusted herself on my lap, shifting her hands from holding my face to cup a cheek and hold the back of my head. I’d never tire of kissing her. Her kiss will be the last thing I feel before I retreat into my mind, reading myself for the battle Dad will bring to me.

Little did he know, Kiya’s encouragement was my honor and her belief in me was my sword.

She said I was strong. She engraved it into my onyx bracelet. I knew I was as an alpha, but as a man? I didn’t believe in it. Yet, Kiya was changing my mind about it.

I can do this. I *can*.

After we separated, my girlfriend rested her head on my shoulder once again, wrapping her arm around my torso like she was holding onto me. Literally, she was, but I knew she was holding onto something else.

My presence.

I rubbed her back again, drawing circles over her shirt. I opened my mind-link, feeling Onyx’s essence flooding in. “*I’m ready, Onyx*.”

“**Alright**. **Let’s do this**.”

“*Don’t do anything crazy*.”

“**As if I’ll listen to a damn thing you say**.”

Rolling my eyes, I knew Onyx was joking, but at the same time, I know him well enough to see that there was some truth to his words. I had sunk back into my head, feeling the all-too-familiar shuffle in space and the switch in consciousness. My wolf was the designated driver, and I was the passenger retreating to the backseat.

Kiya’s warmth lingered, misting around me like a welcoming miasma.

And now, I wait.

If Dad wanted to take control of me so badly…

He’ll have to put me down to do so.