Chapter 84 - Well Overdue Pt. 2

*“Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” ― Voltaire*

***Kiya***

Diana was invested in the conversation since she wouldn’t stop staring. I tried my best to ignore her brilliant gaze, stepping an inch from Neron so I could breathe easier. Being so close to Neron messes with my mind.

“You’re a good person, Kiya. Nothing can ever change that.” Neron responded, his eyes glued to the moon above our window. “Selene wouldn’t have chosen you to be her representative, otherwise.”

“I don’t think her avatars are supposed to become killers.”

“Kiya, I’ve killed before. So did Anthony, your parents, and a good chunk of the werewolf race. If your definition of a monster is a killer, then we’re all monsters in this fucked up world.”

“But Osiris—”

“Manipulated you and toyed with your vulnerability. Being like him…” Neron huffed under his breath, gripping the windowsill hard, embedding his fingerprints on the wood. “If anyone is deserving of my hate, it is him. He hurt you, not in the same way the rest of us did, but he did and that is unforgivable.”

“I’m supposed to be strong.” I whimpered, pressing my back against the wall as I felt the tears burn again. “I shouldn’t have fallen for his tricks.”

“Even the best of us fall, Kiya. I’m expected to be strong too.” I found Neron’s gaze again as he continued. “For so long, I’ve been trying so hard to find out what it means to be a ‘good Alpha’, even where I neglected the fact that Alphas make mistakes too. Alphas need to feel, have empathy, and not make rash judgements, but is there truly a ‘good Alpha’ out there? We still do things that are subjectively bad, like killing rogues. None of us will ever be this perfect, cookie-cutter image of morality, but we’re doing our best, right?”

“I feel like I failed everyone.”

“Your emotions don’t make you a failure, Kiya. It means you have humanity.”

“I’m supposed to feel remorse.”

“Tristan violated you.” He reminded. “Odessa led him to you and broke Darien’s heart. Elder Sage tried to get Tristan acquitted. Dad made it his life’s mission to make you out as the bad guy. Your biological parents refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Zircon Moon abandoned you. Raina hurt you, as well as I. You shouldn’t feel guilty for hurting us the way we hurt you.”

“It sounds like you're excusing my actions.”

“I’m understanding why you did what you did, Kiya. And why Lady Sanguine was hellbent on revenge for you.”

“She’s still me, Neron.”

“A part of you that has protected you for so long and continues to do so.”

Cathartic. Despite not being in control mostly when Lady Sanguine delivered her ‘divine’ punishment, it felt good. Releasing. But because I didn’t want to become this person who resorts to murdering people as a solution to her pain. Humans go to jail for life if they did what I did or get executed for it.

I did bad things, and it is hard for me to see that I’m a good person right now. Do I hate myself? Yes. Will I get over this? Probably.

“I feel like I’m stuck in this maze trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong, but being so scared to move forward.”

“Let us help, Kiya.” Suddenly, a burst of warmth tucked my hand underneath another. I looked down to see Neron’s hand on top of my own, and for once, I didn’t pull away. His hand was the only bout of warmth I could feel while I’m stuck in a tundra. “Your friends and family are here for you and want to help you. And I want to help you too. Let us in.”

I scoffed under my breath. “You’re insane for continuing to care about me.”

“Caring about you comes in a package with loving you. I can’t opt out of that.” He chuckled.

“That’s another thing that worries me.” I brush a curl behind my ear. “You think about me all the time and I appreciate that, but, Neron, you need to think about yourself, too. What do you genuinely want in life?”

Neron tapped a finger on the back of my hand. “To be happy. While I’m not completely happy now, I’m thankful for the bits and pieces that I have. I have my friends, the love of Mom and Nuria, and you’re back. You’re okay. That is more than enough for me. As for the future?” Neron flashed me a pleasant grin, showing off his white teeth. “There are a few changes I like to implement.”

“Like what?” I asked, curious.

He shook his head. “I’ll tell you when the time is right, or rather once I get started.”

“Okay. Keep your secrets.” I offered a short laugh. Without warning, a spider-like sensation crawled up on my skin, and the right side of my neck pulsated painfully. Phantom nails scraped against my skin and my head pounded hard, like someone was trying to bypass the barriers of my mind. A weak mewl escaped my lips, my legs buckling beneath me. Before I fell to the ground, muscular arms held me up, carrying me back to the bed.

“Kiya! Kiya, breathe.” Neron murmured, running a hand through my hair once he sat on the bed. “Breathe, angel. What is happening?”

There was only one person who made their home in my mind without my permission. Artemis growled and barked loud, chasing away the unseen intruder invading my sacred space. Pain pulsated through my head for a few seconds until I felt tiny pricks on my thigh. I look down to see Diana hobbling over to me and nuzzling her head against my torso.

The pain disappeared in an instant.

Osiris was still trying to control me, despite our distance, and it infuriated me. I wanted him gone.

“I need to stop him.” I whispered, my fingers scratching Diana’s head as she wiggled her tail feathers. Neron’s grip tautened around me, his anger pouring out of his pores. “He tried to get in my head.”

“Thank Goddess we’re safe here.” He muttered. “We need to come up with a plan to stop Osiris for good. We have Asim, so that gives us some leverage.”

“You aren’t fighting in this battle.” I reprimanded, my gaze sharpening into a glare. Neron sized me up and glared back. “You haven’t healed, Neron.”

“This is coming from the same woman who didn’t hesitate in jumping into a fight right after she was poisoned.”

Heat colonized my cheeks again. “T-That was different! You can’t hold that against me.”

“Then, don’t be hypocritical.”

“Neron, I’m worried about you.”

“Likewise! I’m worried about you too!”

“So, you’ll stay behind to recover?”

“No? I can still fight. I want to be there when the snake falls.”

I groaned, throwing my head back. “You’re infuriating, Alpha.”

Neron let out a loud laugh, poking my nose. “I’ve been told that once or twice.” After we shared more mirth, he patted my shoulder once. “Are you up for eating?”

My smile vanished into a frown. “I’m not hungry.”

“It doesn’t have to be a meal. Your friends got you chicken dumplings, so why not a piece or two?” I remained silent, ignoring the twinges of hunger in my stomach. “Everyone is concerned about you not eating. It’ll make them and you feel better. Besides, last time I remember, you can eat twice your body weight.”

“I don’t eat *that* much.” I rolled my eyes, chuckling low. Osiris fed me but running on bloodlust and spite eliminated my hunger for some time. Diana waddled to my shoulder, burrowing her tiny head to my cheek as Neron and I hopped off the mattress, making me giggle. “I’ll be out in a minute. I need to wash my face.”

“Alright.” Neron marched to the bedroom door, turning the doorknob when he turned back to me. “It’s good to have you back, Kiya. Everyone can rest easy, now.”

After he left, a heavy sigh left my chest. Rubbing my face, I stood under the luminous moonlight at the window, admiring the white flecks highlighted in the air like miniature diamonds. Diana hooted, careful to not press her talons too hard into my shoulder. The full moon glowed through the glass, feminine energy oozing from its celestial presence. I knew Selene was watching. Tears pricked my eyes once more, this time falling without the barrier of my eyelids.

That guilt finally settled in. The guilt of disappointing my Goddess with my weakness.

“I’m so sorry, Selene.” I whimpered, tiny sobs burning my throat. “Please, forgive me for all I’ve done.”

-----

***Later that Evening***

The safe-house rested under a thick blanket of warm silence. Since going outside was illegal, we had to stay for the night, so Asim showed everyone to their shared rooms after dinner. There were quite a few of us, so no one couple, or individual, had their own room except me. I was thankful for the privacy, but falling asleep proved to be a challenge.

I couldn’t stop tossing and turning in my bed. Thoughts and emotions swirled down and around like an un-plugged drain, wild and uncontrollable. The deaths, Osiris, my family—nothing could give me the peace I needed for slumber. Tomorrow laid in the bowels of the terrible unknown, waiting. I tried thinking about other things that brought me joy, like Diana sleeping on the lamp table beside my bed, but nothing worked.

Growling in frustration, I threw my covers off my body and swung my legs over the edge. Stupid brain with its fucked-up imbalances! I ran my hands through my hair, wishing my bonnet was covering it. But beggars can’t be choosers.

“*Maybe, some water would help*.”

I tip-toed out of the room, careful to not disturb sweet Diana from her dreams. Once outside, I padded toward the kitchen, grabbing a cup, and filling it with water. The cool liquid soothed my throat and my body, but my mind still ran a million miles a minute. I was so absorbed in my thoughts and the silence that I didn’t notice a figure sitting on the couches in the dark.

“Kiya?”

“Holy fuck!” I jumped, water spilling on the hem of my shirt. Squinting my eyes to seek the intruder, I sighed with relief, settling my cup down. “Neron, don’t do that! You scared the shit out of me!”

“I’m sorry.” He stood from the couches and approached me, the faded light above the kitchen stove illuminating the side of his face. “Couldn’t sleep?” I shook my head. “Neither could I.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” I asked, leaning against the counter.

His eyes found the tiled floor as a lengthy sigh escaped his lips. “Asim said his brother will recover soon, and he’ll be on the hunt. Anthony and I contacted our packs to prepare for his intrusion in case he starts there.”

“That’s a good start.” I murmured, rubbing the back of my neck “Whenever I close my eyes, I see him beckoning to return to him. It is a nightmare, and my swimming thoughts don’t help either.”

“Nightmares aren’t fun. I came down here because I had one of my own.” He rubbed his eyes, exhaustion showing through his youthful features. “And they always end with him taking you away again and ripping my heart out. I haven’t gone back to sleep since.”

“Who knew this bastard would be such a terror in our lives?” I sighed. Suddenly, a lightning bolt of realization struck my thoughts. “He had a lover.”

Neron arched an eyebrow, mouth agape. “A man like that is capable of love?”

“Outlandish, I know, but, he did. She was the avatar before me.” I explained. “Her name was Amber, and he remarked on our similar appearances. He gifted me her necklace when I was first… turned. Her story is very tragic, but it is what motivated him to do this to us.”

“But you aren’t Amber. He can’t just recreate his lover out of you.”

“Try telling him that.” I rolled my eyes. “But I’m afraid he won’t stop until he gets me. This damned mark on my neck is more trouble than what it’s worth. I sympathize with him because our pasts are similar. But what he is doing to me, to us, and to my family is inexcusable.”

A yawn escaped my mouth and Neron took notice. He brought a hand up and caressed the top of my hair, love oozing from his palm. “This is a lot for one night. You should get back to sleep.”

“My mind won’t let me. I think I’ll be all night.”

A pregnant pause fell between us before Neron grinned, clapping once. “I have an idea that might help. Do you trust me?”

I stare at him for a moment, searching his eyes before nodding. “I do.”

He took my hand, and we made it back to my room, waking Diana up by accident. Her watchful gaze tracked our every move as we moved to the bed. Neron hopped in on one side and patted the space next to him. He wanted me to sleep next to him. “Come on.”

“I don’t know if this would work…” I hesitated, taking a seat at my side.

“Mom used to hold me in bed whenever I had nightmares. Did Lyra ever do the same?”

Memories of Mom crawling into my bed and singing to me whenever I had severe night terrors came to mind; her soothing, melodic voice, her powerful arms holding me, and her kisses to my forehead, sealing the promise of protection. “Yeah, she did in the first two years I was in her home.”

“Then, this shouldn’t be any different.” The man rose from his pillow. “But, if you’re uncomfortable, I can get her for you if Nikolai doesn’t strangle me for waking him up.”

“He is Papa Bear; he needs sleep.” I laughed, my smile stretching. “What if the nightmares don’t go away?”

“Then, I’ll chase them away.”

I scoffed. “My knight in shining armor. Scoot over.” We shuffled under the thick blanket; my back pressed against his front, with his breath tickling the back of my head. His arm rested lazily around my waist, his heat warmer than the blanket. The last time we shared a bed was when I was in deep the trenches of my heat months ago. That seemed so far away now.

It was hard to describe the feeling sitting on my chest. Pleasant?

“Hey, Neron?”

“Hmm?”

“Our bond.” I mentioned, fiddling with the hem of our blanket. “I think I broke it.”

“You certainly gave me a taste of my medicine, that’s for sure.” The tremor of his laughter rolled through my back, shooting jolts of pleasure to my toes. “It is not completely severed, just… very weak. Can you hold your hand up for me?”

I complied, and he pressed his palm against mine. At first, nothing happened, but seconds later I felt the fleeting sparks of our mate bond erupting underneath our skin, flailing out to reach each other, only to fall short because of distance and depth. I’m bonded to Osiris, but still bonded to Neron. Artemis’ happiness reached my heart, knowing the bond still connected her to Onyx.

“Will…” I bit my lip. “Will it be okay?”

Neron shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know. It has been through hell and back.”

“I guess time will tell.”

“Indeed.”

As the minutes rolled by, I thought about what to do about Osiris. How would I stop him, and how will I kill him? I’ve been in and out of his home, memorizing the layers and hallways I’ve walked through during my madness. The inner mechanisms of his mind are strange, but I know his weakness.

It is my responsibility to stop him. I caused this mess, so I need to fix it. And I have a rough idea how.

“I have a plan. I’ll tell everyone in the morning.”

“Alright.” He murmured, sleep drenching his voice. “Go to sleep, okay? I’ll be here in case you have a nightmare. I won’t let Osiris hurt you anymore.”

“Neron?”

“Yes?”

“… Thank you.”

“My pleasure, angel.”

A slight breeze picked up and settled next to me. Diana leapt on my pillow and plopped on her stomach. She turned her head to the side and chirped softly, her gold eyes fluttering close. I chuckled, running a hand through her feathers.

“Goodnight to you too, Diana.”