Chapter 23 - Out of Control

*“Seek what sets your soul on fire.” — Unknown*

***Kiya***

*Don’t start a fire you can’t quench*.

We broke the kiss to fill our deprived lungs with air, our pants infusing as one. His lips were swollen, as mine were. His taste cauterized into my lips and my memory. I needed *more*. I needed a fix of the drug I didn’t know I coveted. Without giving Neron time to react, I lunged forward again, merged our lips together, and tangled a hand in his silken, coal-colored strands.

*Your control is slipping*. *Grab the reins before it is too late*.

I balled his hair in my fist and tugged, inclining his head backward slightly to indulge more of his tantalizing taste. A deep, rumbling growl spilled from his throat into my mouth, and I guzzled it. The forbidden flames grew higher. Hotter. Brighter. Passionate, yet destructive. I couldn’t stop, not until I get my fill of the damn opiate suffused in his presence.

*The heart wants what it wants—even if it is dangerous*.

Large hands drifted upward from the small of my back to the coils of my hair, my robe barely shielding my flesh from the heat of his palms. Neron’s hands held my head in place as his tongue parted my lips, staking his claim in my mouth with reckless abandon. Our tongues engaged in a battle of control, but in the end, he won. A low moan exited my mouth and invaded his. I fell back as I let him take what he wanted for so long.

*Thump*. *Thump*. *Thump*. *Thump*. *The beat of a heart on fire*.

My body fit against his like a puzzle piece; every groove and crevice carved into his flesh made to fit the curves and valleys waiting to be explored by his hands. My free hand slid from his shoulder down to his broad chest, twitching in irritation at the shirt blocking it from the true contract. Neron’s muscles jolted and undulated under my fingertips. His growls spoke the words of his desire, his passion, and his love for me, and I couldn’t get enough of it. The hand in my hair gently tugged my head back, my gasps spilling into the bathroom air when his lips latched onto my neck, just below my rapid pulse.

*Are you crazy*? *You must be crazy*.

It’s a mad, mad world.

The lunacy of tonight must’ve settled in my psyche. But it wasn’t the moon nor its energies. Perhaps I had this inside me all along and it took a supermoon to let it out, finally. The belt of my robe loosened, the covering falling away to reveal the naked skin underneath. Clad with a simple pair of black panties, the sodden fabric told the story of my arousal and the ache that laid hidden from the world. My gasp quickly fell into whimpers when Neron’s greedy hands scorched a path of raging flame into every inch of my skin he touched.

*What about the control you prided yourself in for years*? *Where has that gone*?

I couldn’t think about that with the way Neron was touching me. Kissing me. Warming me. Biting me. His hands strayed over my thighs, my stomach, my chest, my back—anywhere and everywhere he could reach, bypassing the one place I needed him the most on purpose. He palmed the globes of my ass and squeezed, my hips rising from the sudden contact. I gasped and trembled like a leaf in a storm.

I threw my head back and squealed when his fiery kisses made their way to my breasts.

*Dangerous*. *This is absolutely dangerous*.

Aren’t we **all** a little dangerous?

*You shouldn’t be doing this*.

I don’t care. I was out of the frying pan and into the fire, and I wanted to fucking stay.

*Resisting after this will be much harder*. *Who’s to blame for that*?

The throbbing in between my legs. The mate bond. **Me**.

“*Jeg elsker deg*,” Neron murmured into the valley of my breasts. “*Du er perfekt for meg*.”

The words, while I didn’t know what they meant, carried something beyond passion, beyond my feeble understanding. My body quaked and gyrated in his lap as he held me like I was the most precious jewel in the world. His hardened arousal pressed against mine, made aware of every stroke of my hips. The heat became too much. There was no control in sight. It all burned to ash the moment I kissed him.

Then, he suckled and bit over my left breast, beside my pack mark, and I was a goner. I cried out his name, snatched his shirt, and tore it from its seams. My hands palmed and rubbed his toned chest, my nails grazing at his flesh as if I was searching for the ultimate cure for my aches. Neron’s growling matched mine in kind, launching upward to conquer my lips again, falling backward until his back hit the bathroom floor, carrying my body with him.

We were two beasts drowning in the heat of our instincts, pulled together and trapped in the fire of the mate bond that refused separation. Two mates dancing on the tightrope of control and civility only to fall headfirst under the light of the full moon.

There was no end in sight.

***I want it***. ***I want it***. ***I want it***.

***I need it***. ***I need it***. ***I need it***.

My heart palpitated out of control. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think of anything else besides Neron. This was so wrong, yet it felt so right. I wanted to feel more, see more, taste more, and scream more. The want and need for the man under me went beyond the physical.

Because Neron is *mine*.

There was no force in the world that could stop—

‘*Eight years*’ the aggravating voice in my head told me.

I **froze**.

Logic was slammed back into my head, the haze of my desire clearing away to the reality it forced me to see. All the passion I felt earlier dissipated into a chill. My eyes flew open as my heart galloped, not with the fire of lust, but the fire of fear.

*It has been eight years since*. *Are you sure you’re ready to take that step*?

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

Neron must’ve felt the tension in my body, because he paused. I broke the kiss, lifting my head up with my eyes shut in shame. I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I wanted to scream in frustration, but my throat was paralyzed. What was I even doing? Why did I do this?

“We need to stop.” I managed to say, panting from the kiss and the heat pulsating between us. “We… not now. We can’t do this.”

I opened my eyes to connect with Neron’s, his pupils blown wide and bewildered. As if his own logic settled in, they shrunk back to his normal blue, and his face contorted to one of concern and shock. He immediately forced himself off the ground and picked me off his lap, gently setting my body beside him on the floor. My cheeks heated with embarrassment as I tightened the robe around my body, hiding the marks he left on my chest and neck, squeezing my thighs together in order to hide the dampness between my legs.

“I… we…” Neron cleared his throat, kneading the back of his head as his cheeks flushed pink. The remnants of his shirt hung over his shoulders and necks like dead weight. I blushed again, mortified. I cannot believe I did that. “We got carried away.”

“Um, yeah.” I coughed once, lowering my head. “W-we did. Neron, what we did just now…”

“I should’ve asked first.” He groaned, shame rolling off his scent. “I shouldn’t have gone as far as I did and—”

“Neron, don’t do that, please. Don’t blame yourself. I was the one who kissed you and made things spur out of control.”

And goddamnit, it felt *so good*.

Neron nodded, expelling a deep sigh while ruminating. What we did was incredible. Out of this world. But what just happened now opened not just one can of worms, but multiple.

I wanted *more*. I wanted *him*. But I don’t know if I’m ready to *go to bed* with him.

*Eight years*.

Goddess, has it really been that long?

“I need to shower,” I said awkwardly, working my hand through my hair, wincing at the tiny pieces of salt buried in my curls.

“Right, right.” Neron cleared his throat and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. The shower was still running beside us. “We have a big day and an even bigger night tomorrow.”

Right. Tomorrow night is the big banquet. I thought of the dress hidden in my suitcase. Rubbing the back of my neck, I nodded. “Got it. It’ll be fun.”

“I think so too.” His smile was awkward, considering what we just broke off. Neron rubbed the top of my hair, bid me goodnight, and stepped to the door. “Can I ask you one thing?”

“Yes, you can.”

“Did you enjoy yourself?”

My cheeks flared up in heat once again. Might as well be honest. “I did. Very much.”

Satisfied with my answer, Neron left, shutting the door behind him. Once he was out of sight, I released a breath I was holding, turned to the sink and grasped the rim.

*It started with a kiss*. *A kiss I initiated because I was caught up in the moment*. *And it became my undoing*.

The craziest part was that I didn’t regret it. I should, but I didn’t. I grumbled, rubbing my forehead before peering at my reflection in the mirror.

**Eight years**.

The human body replaces its cells every seven to ten years. Mine was in that range. I have a new body, but the impact was there. I still could see what others cannot see. The handprints. They blotched my skin with their sinister red, staining my must vulnerable areas.

My lips tightened into a scowl. What I did with Neron was the most I’ve ever done with anyone. I never went beyond the kisses and the caresses, only because the memories of my assault blitzes through the pleasure and fun. I hated it. I couldn’t take the step forward without a memory ruining it all.

I wasn’t ready for that kind of intimacy. I wasn’t ready for sex, no matter who it will be with.

My thoughts went to the man behind the bathroom door at how understanding he was. At how he didn’t push and stopped when he noticed my change. He gave me space. Neron did all the things a regular man wouldn’t think once about.

*He*… *Neron*… *he’s*…

I dropped my robe to the floor and hopped in the shower, sighing at the heat battering against my back. I scrubbed my body, scrubbed my panties clean, and filled the air with shea butter and vanilla from my body wash, but I still smelled Neron. His taste was still on my lips. Masculine. Woody. Spicy. Strong.

Oh Goddess, I’m a fucking *goner*. One taste was all it took to unravel everything.

After the shower, I scurried into the closet and slipped into a grey nightgown. The hem brushed against my calves when I walked into the center of the suite. Neron was in his bed, asleep. I eyed my bed and then eyed the space in front of him. His snores were low, but soothing. The blanket barely covered his chest, exposing everything from mid-torso upward.

I groaned inwardly. My bed was waiting for me, but I also wanted to sleep beside him.

Yep. I definitely started a fire I couldn’t quench.

In the end, I ended up in Neron’s bed with my back to him. My heart wouldn’t stop beating until I did. Once settled, I felt the muscles in my body relax and sleep lulling me into peace. A brawny arm wrapped around my waist just before I entered another dreamless sleep.

*Oh, how the mighty have fallen*.

----------------------------------------

Neron spent most of the day negotiating allyship contracts with other pack alphas, along with Anthony. I spent my time with Lyria and Alesia as their husbands worked, occasionally leaving if they were needed. They could sense something had happened, but I wasn’t sure how to tell them. The supermoon energy lingered, which meant I was drawing in more eyes than usual. Selene forgot to mention that the heightened frequency would turn me into a beacon for sex-deprived alphas.

I got hit on by a couple of Lunas, so it wasn’t ***all*** bad.

Wystan was a pain in the ass as usual, pining for my attention and affection. But if my family surrounded me, or Neron, he backed off. But he risked it all when he offered me a rose and tried to invite me on a date.

It took Onyx almost jumping out of his skin to ***really*** drive my ‘no’ home.

But that was the last thing on my mind right now. My main concern was setting these damn silver filigree tubes on my cornrows. I sat in my seat in front of the luxurious vanity mirror, getting ready for the formal banquet set to start in an hour. Everyone is to come dressed their best.

I styled my voluminous hair in a half-up, half-down updo with a set of curls hanging loosely at my temples. The cornrows on top of my head fed into the coily ponytail. I grabbed my rattail comb and picked at the thicker curls, separating them to complete the look. The robe I was wearing covered the dress underneath, waiting to be unveiled to the world.

The only issue was the pesky zipper in the back. I couldn’t reach the damn thing.

Dabbing on some blush and perfecting my pink lipstick, I stood up on my white heels that added an inch and a half to my height. I heard a door shut behind me and sighed with relief. “Neron! Perfect timing! Can you help me with my zip—”

*Oh, sweet Selene*.

My throat dried up like the Sahara Desert when Neron walked into the room adjusting the cuffs of his three-piece, deep postman blue suit defining his stature and his form. His muscles were hidden, but the curvature of his muscled biceps and equally muscular legs pushed against the fabric. Neron’s hair flowed behind him in perfect textured waves, my fingers aching to comb through the strands. His stubble bearded was perfectly groomed, somehow working both a youthful and rugged appearance.

His eyes found mine, and my lungs stopped working. My mind decided it was the perfect time to blank out.

*What was I going to ask again*?

“Kiya?” I could hear the smile in his godforsaken, heat-inducing voice. “You wanted me to help you with something?”

*Yeah, help me soothe the ache in between my legs, you fucking Skyscraper with good hair*.

“Um… uh…” I stammered. “Y-Yeah. I do.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “What is it?”

“What is it?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh! I need you to help me zip up the back of my dress. I can’t reach it.”

“Okay. That I can do.”

Neron stepped toward me. *Don’t say anything stupid, Kiya, I swear to Go—*!

“You’re hot.” I blurted out. He stopped, and I slapped my hand over my lips. “It’s hot! I mean, it’s hot as fuck in here! Did you turn the heater on?”

“The air-conditioner has been on all day, Kiya.” Neron pointed to the machine hanging above the window. The little green light told me it was indeed on. “You’re probably feeling warm underneath that robe. You should take it off.”

“The dress, too?”

“What?”

“Nothing!” I shrieked, turning and lowering my robe just enough to expose the zipper. “Can you please zip it up?”

“All you had to do was ask.” He chuckled.

I bunched up the robe in my palms, blowing out a sigh. This is fucking ridiculous! I’m acting like a naïve schoolgirl with a crush. I’m a warrior and avatar for goddess’ sake! Why am I acting so silly? I’m better than this!

When Neron touched the zipper on my dress, I held my breath. The heat from his fingers rolled across my bare skin like a lover’s caress. He moved the zipper upward, pausing just underneath my bra clasp. A barely audible squeak left my lips when his fingers brushed against the three hooks. He gulped and sighed before finishing, stepping back as if he touched fire.

“There. It’s done.” He whispered, clearing his throat. I breathed in major relief, removing the robe, and setting it on my vanity seat. “*Holy shit*.”

I spun around to see what the concern was, only to be met with the smoldering gaze of the Alpha eyeing me up and down. I felt naked under his scrutinizing eyes, and it wasn’t a bad thing. Steeling my confidence and resolve, I shined an innocent smile and adjusted my sleeves. “I take it you like it?”

“You’re fucking gorgeous, angel. You look like a gem.”

I was wearing an off-shoulder, tanzanite blue dress that reached to my ankles. Faux diamonds sprinkled from the lateral portion of my breasts down to my cinched waistline. My sleeves stretched from my wrists to mid-arm, meeting where my neckline rested. If I were to take a step forward, the fabric would shift to reveal the slit on my right leg, starting just above mid-thigh. The overhead lights of our suite glistened the body highlighter dusted on my exposed skin. I gulped, my shyness lighting my cheeks on fire as I folded my hands in front of me.

“Thank you.” I smiled. “Just need to add one more thing.” I reached toward the black velvet box on my vanity, opened it, and pulled out my full moon pendant from its bed. Before I was to put it on, a warm hand wrapped around my own, stopping me. I looked up at Neron. “What’s up?”

“Let me.” He insisted. I nodded, handing him the necklace. I stood in front of the mirror and watched as he brushed my hair over my shoulder to reveal the back of my neck. He slid the jewelry around my front and hooked it around the back, clasping it in place. Neron hummed in satisfaction, fixing my hair back.

I squeaked when he pressed his lips over the scar on the back of my right shoulder, resting his forehead against my skin. He mumbled something under his breath in Norwegian, mournful and painful. But when he lifted his head back up, traces of that sadness disappeared under his smile.

“Perfect. Absolutely perfect.” He said when I turned around. “I need to put on a tie, and we’ll head down to the hall.” He walked to the bed to grab the snake-like fabric and proceeded to the full-length mirror in the corner. My legs carried me toward him, and my hand stopped him from fixing it himself.

“Can I do it?” I asked.

“You know how to tie a tie?” He chuckled, handing it to me. I rolled my eyes and stood in front of him.

“Of course, I do. Dad taught me.” I explained, adjusting the tie under his collar. “Whenever he and Mom went out on a date, she always fixes his tie. Alesia does it for Anthony, too.” I tie the Windsor knot, reciting the steps in my head. “Dad told me that even though he does the knotting himself, he allows Mom to do it because she enjoys it, and he loves watching her do it. He taught it to me so that once I found a partner I care deeply about, I can do it for them. I guess it is an intimacy thing.”

“I see…”

I flipped the wide end over the knot and pulled gently. “There! Not too shabby, if I say so myself. Is it too tight?”

“N-no, it’s fine.”

“Fantastic! Now, let’s—” I looked up at Neron to see him staring at me and I freeze. His eyes locked with mine, sucking me into a vacuum where the world didn’t exist. We were inches apart from one another, our breaths mingling into one. The heat in my body grew, spilling into the miniscule space between our bodies. His hand cupped my cheek, his thumb gently brushing over my pink lips, gathering a smidgen of lipstick on the tip.

For a second, I thought he was going to kiss me again.

But he stepped back, the surrounding world fading into view once again. I watched as he grabbed my purse and cell phone from the vanity table, handing them to me. “Are you ready to head downstairs?”

I found my breath again. The moon shone through my window, its energies encircling me like a gentle fog. It won’t be as bad as it was last night; I feel alright. Sliding my phone into my white handheld purse, I gave a firm nod. “I’m ready.”

Neron grabbed his onyx bracelet off the lamp table, slid it on, and offered his arm to me. With a smile, I graciously took it. “Someone is a gentleman tonight.”

“I can be a gentleman when you want me to be, Kiya.” He shot me a wink, and I blushed. We left our suite together and headed toward the banquet hall.

This will be a night I’ll remember for a long time.

I’m sure of it.