17: Elise

BUT of course, she’s not yet done.
“Wait. What did Brandon say?” she suddenly asked.
I looked at her in surprise.
“I knew it. He doesn’t even know,” she exclaimed. Alia had been disappointed with Brandon since a century ago. “When was the last time he even called?”
“Last week. Gian actually asked for him last night and only then did I even remember him,” I confessed. And I couldn’t even hide my sadness about this.
“Son of a fairy queer…”
“Alia!” I exclaimed again, shocked.
“Do you really even have a boyfriend?” she demanded skeptically.
I slumped further into my seat. “I don’t really even know anymore.”
She sat back down in her seat. “Do you still love him?”
I stopped, and I tried to really feel what I still feel for Brandon. “I still care for him.”
She snorted.
I rolled my eyes. “I am concerned about what’s happening to him, and how he’s faring with all the responsibilities his father is suddenly imposing on him. But… I’m confused because… I still want to see him and talk to him, but I can’t feel the excitement I used to feel just thinking about him before. Is that normal?”
Brandon was my first boyfriend, so I really couldn’t compare what I felt for him to any other man.
“Beshie, with how frequently he’s been gone since the two of you got together, I’m wondering why you’re still with him. Are you sure you haven’t invested anything more than your kisses and what else that’s not your… flower, for instance, to the guy?”
I laughed. That was funny. “How can I invest my flower when he’s always gone? And it’s not like just because he’s my boyfriend, it’ll be that easy for me to give myself to him. It’s been a few months. We were nowhere near really getting to know each other that well and it’s not comfortable for me to even think about it after what’s been going on in the last weeks—or lack of—with us.”
“In this day and age, if you’ve gone beyond dating, there’s sex going on.”
I rolled my eyes as I felt color heating my cheeks. “I’m sure. He doesn’t even call that frequently for us to try phone sex. I don’t even remember how we flirted with each other in the beginning. He’s not here and he’s not on the phone. What am I supposed to do?”
“Not like with Macoy and me.”
I groaned. She was talking about her first boyfriend, the one she first invested her ‘flower’ in.
She couldn’t forget the guy, even though she’s in a perfectly healthy relationship now with her current boyfriend, using the relationship as a template for what not to do and what to expect in dating a guy.
They did love each other. Macoy was Alia’s first love. But Macoy’s family migrated to Canada and he had to go with them.
Alia didn’t want a long-distance relationship and she broke up with him after getting more depressed than she was used to, ever.
That was four years ago.
And it hadn’t been easy.
It took her three years to listen to music again and date another guy. And even if she still felt sad about Macoy, she was honestly happy with her current beau.
“I honestly cannot feel any spark between you two anymore,” she continued to say as she sorted out the dirty plates and the rest we used to bring to the sink, with a glare thrown at me when I attempted to help her.
I sat back down. “Nothing?” She had already said this before. I really was super excited about Brandon in the beginning and what we needed to do to develop our relationship.
Now, I was confused about where all that feeling went.
It had been too long. I was always hoping it would get back to us when he went home.
But he was always back on another business trip with his father before we could squeeze in a date or two between his obligations at work.
Yes. He still had to go to work and often had overtime when he was here, so the only time we got to spend together was weekends at family events wherein we couldn’t even be alone for a longer time.
These frequent absences of his were the main reason I postponed and continued to delay telling him about my real family background.
I was already awkward about the barely palatable treatment of his relatives, especially his parents, towards me, because they thought I was just a regular employee to Gian.
They thought Gian’s family, especially his mother, just doted on me because she happened to like me.
If they only knew how ideal I was as a girlfriend to their son if you follow their standards.
It seemed petty now to imagine their faces once they found out about my father.
And I felt pathetic to even think about it.
My mother’s sacrifices and love and her own accomplishments were more than enough for me to be proud of where I came from and who had born me.
My spine straightened up when I suddenly realized something.
Was I staying on because it would look stupid to break up with someone like Brandon to people who regarded me as too low-class for them?
“If you still have the spark,” Alia was continuing, and because she faced the sink as she started to wash the dishes, she couldn’t see me, “you wouldn’t be a virgin anymore.”
That shocked me out of my own thoughts. I couldn’t help but pout. “What? Is it my fault that he’s not here anyway? It’s not like I’m not curious about it, too.”
She turned her head, but not entirely, that I saw when she wrinkled her nose. “Are you sure he’s… male? Like all-guy? Like a real man and—”
“I got it,” I said as I stared at her. “I knew him to be straight. But… why? Do you smell anything?” I asked her, wide-eyed.