~ Chapter Seventeen ~

Gina Morone worked quickly. I called her when I returned to the Emporer's Palace while the pack were busy with their own tasks, and by the time dinner came, I had a time and place to meet her and her bodyguards the next morning - early, upon my own request.

"I have to admit, I'm amazed this is happening," Xanthe admitted at four am in the morning, as we sat in the spare room I had been given. There was no reason to be awake at that time, but I was too restless to sleep.

"It's quite surreal," I agreed.

"I mean, for the pack, too. We've been waiting for Dimitri to find his mate for a while now and it seemed like it was never going to happen, and then we get you and..." She shook her head. "I guess the goddess doesn't always get it right. I hope you can find someone else. And Dimitri, of course. We need a Luna... or another Alpha." She gave me a look, and I laughed quietly to myself.

"I'm glad there aren't any bad feelings between us."

She smiled. "Of course not. Although..." She frowned. "No, it... it doesn't matter."

"Xanthe," I warned, watching her.

"It's not my place," she insisted.

"Just speak your mind, I'm not your Luna anymore."

She paused. "Well, it's just, you know, sometimes a pairing doesn't seem like it'll work out but it actually will, it just has to be put through the right thing. I wonder if... if you and Dimitri just didn't meet at the right time. You know, and the goddess has more in store for you?"

I looked away from her, unable to see the hope in her eyes without feeling guilty for this whole thing. I was almost tempted to go and find a scalpel and a doctor's white coat.

"Do you think that could be the case?"

"We rejected each other, Xanthe," I whispered.

"That doesn't matter to the goddess, she'll just pair you two together again. Surely you know that. It just takes one pass of the moon, and last I checked, it's the next day." She paused for another second, her eyes brightening. "Did you tell Gina to come here early because you're scared that if you see Dimitri, it'll turn out your bond hasn't actually gone and has just been put aside?"

"Xanthe," I snapped, and the excitement disappeared from her face. "Please, the thought of losing the mate bond is difficult enough, can you not make it harder? I'd like to leave this place and never look back. That's all I want. Gina is my out, and she's going to be here in the next three hours. So if you're going to say things like that, I don't want you to wait with me."

Xanthe's opened mouth closed and she walked over to the window, which happened to face the same part of the mountains that led to the beautiful field Dimitri took me to yesterday. I stared out at the dark sky as I thought about the flowers, the pond, the smell, the serenity I had felt for just a few sweet moments there. It had felt like I was really free, away with my mate, and then everything had come crashing down on us and we'd finally made a decision. I couldn't say I was mad that we had decided to part ways. Things happened; sometimes those things were shit, but they still happened. It was my job to deal with it.

And I'd dealt with plenty of shit in my lifetime already.

/////

I waited at the edge of the pack grounds, between the trees and the mountains, feeling sick to my stomach. My wolf was still yearning for the bond neither of us had been able to enjoy, chastising me for ending it with Dimitri. She was so upset that I was terrified to turn back, to accidentally catch his eye while he was training with the rest of his pack and open up the bond again. It scared me more than the idea of starting afresh for the second time, and that was why I was really going through with this little trip to Gina’s rogue refugee camp - or village, as she claimed it to be.

At exactly the right time, a sensible white car pulled up to the dirt path, a gorgeous white woman in the front seat. Gina stepped out, and two large male wolves stepped out alongside her. There was an air of uncertainty surrounding me now, but I wasn’t going to back down. I had made it so far, I couldn’t risk the look-back or deciding to give up on my morals and hold-ups. I stood almost proudly before Gina.

“Hello, Erika,” she greeted me politely. “It’s lovely to see my saviour’s face again.”

I smiled. “Hello, Gina. I’m so glad you could come on such short notice.”

“It is no problem. I am indebted to you, remember? Besides, it is always useful to take on a new pair of hands. As you are not exactly a rogue, you could help a lot of people for us.” She reached out to place a hand on my bicep. “We’ll find you a perfect place in the community, or we can find you a new pack.”

“I think I’ll have to make that decision on the road,” I admitted, feeling the weight of my own future on my shoulders.

“Oh, of course.” Gina chuckled and squeezed my arm, then let go. “It is a big decision, I can’t ask you to make it right away. Are you comfortable with an immediate leave, though?”

“Definitely.”

Her eyes moved over my shoulder. “Are you sure? You do not want to say goodbye to this pack?”

“I have said my goodbyes and thank yous to the people who have helped me, and it would just be easier if Alpha Stone and I did not have to see each other again.”

Gina hesitated for a moment, and I could see the same thoughts Xanthe had had floating around in her mind, but she did not act on the same feelings. She nodded, and one of the bodyguards stepped forward to take a bag of clothes I’d been given. He carried it to the back of the car, whilst the other guided me over to the passenger seat. Gina slid in elegantly, without so much as another glance at the training pack warriors. I was too afraid to look that way, so I busied myself with my seatbelt buckle, and then I watched the bodyguard closing the trunk and heading for the backseat. Soon, there was nothing else to stare at but straight forward, at the road ahead, as we flew into the woods.

I fiddled with my fingers a lot, unable to rid of the feeling that I had done something wrong. Finding your mate was supposed to be the best thing that happened to you, yet I had thrown it away in the course of a couple of days. But I had done that for me; I’d been walked over for my entire life, I couldn’t settle for someone who would do the same thing to me. It was not right for myself and - if I spent the whole time trying to change Dimitri - it wasn’t right for my mate, either. So we had rejected each other, and now I was regretting the agony my wolf felt. The further from the pack we went, though, the better she started to feel, and the fewer guilty thoughts I experienced.

I became less status-like, and Gina noticed the change in attitude immediately. She looked at me but didn’t say anything, her lips twisted into a soft, welcoming smile. I smiled back at her barely. Once again, I was fleeing a bad situation and it felt good, even if this time it was so much scarier.

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