~ Chapter Twenty-Three ~

Xanthe, Maeve, Dylan, Jessica and Dimitri; all of them in the kitchen, all of them deep in discussion. In any other situation, I would have felt bad for interrupting such an intense conversation, but there was something so important for me to talk about that it didn't feel like I was intruding, so much as it felt like they were a quick obstacle to overcome, like opening and closing garage doors either side of parking your car. Xanthe was the first to look at me when I opened the door, alert, a steaming plate of food in front of her on the island; then it was Dimitri with his hesitant - albeit relieved - expression.

"How are you?" Xanthe asked almost immediately, drifting away from the small group.

"I'm fine," I replied. It felt weird to be back here. "I was just tired and hadn't eaten enough; my fault, really." I tried to smile but it felt too fake, so I opted for a casual shrug instead.

Her lips pressed together for a moment. "Well, I made you some food. Kelsey - the medical lady from the village - guessed it might have been something food related, after all." She turned and grabbed the plate, holding it out to me.

"Thanks, you didn't have to."

"You could be our Luna again," she dismissed, waving a hand. "Anything for the Luna."

Hearing that word again sent shivers down my spine and panic to my heart. I didn't want to admit that I was terrified of being involved in this pack again, of suffering from the same troubles I'd experienced last time. But it was true: I didn't want to be here right now. However, I knew that what Gina had told me was right and that I shouldn't jump into any decisions or prejudices before I'd spoken to my mate.

"I need to talk to Dimitri," I told the room.

"Sure, no problem." Xanthe tugged at her sister's wrist, pulling her out of the room, but not before they had both given me a sympathetic smile. I slid onto the island stool as Jessica walked out without acknowledging me, and Dylan patted both my and my mate's shoulders. The door was quickly closed, leaving me alone with the man I had rejected.

"I think you should come sit with me," I said as I motioned to the stool beside mine. He looked at it but he didn't move. "Unless you don't want me to eat because I'm over there with you?"

"I just assumed you wouldn't want to sit with me," he admitted quielty. There was something so different about his voice; it sounded... guilty? Unsure? Regretful?

"I asked, didn't I?" I challenged.

He nodded. "I suppose you did." I took my first bites of Xanthe's food as Dimitri came and took a seat next to me. His presence was huge, demanding, but I was enamoured already by Xanthe's amazing cooking, so I hardly noticed him there for a short while. He let me eat in silence, watching me from the side, and I let him organise his thoughts. When I glanced at his face, I found a deep longing in his eyes that melted me.

"I guess the Moon Goddess isn't done with us," I said, trying to sound casual.

"I guess not," he agreed, "but that isn't the reason I think you should stay."

I started.

"I don't care about the Moon Goddess, but I do care about *me*. I didn't realise before I met you that I was missing out on so much. Now, mates is all I can see, all I can think about. I'm nearly thirty and I've never... felt anything for anyone before - and I was fine with that for ever, until I got caught that one time outside of Roger's pack and was dragged into his doctor's office to meet you.

"The things I was saying to you before you left? That I don't think I can change for anyone? Well, maybe it will be difficult but I want to at least try, so we can finally make this a real mateship. Clearly, we can make it work, we just have to figure out how. Will you help me?"

My lips were parted in surprise at his outburst, amazed that a man who seemed so distant could be so honest with me. I hadn't expected it to be this different already, even if I thought he might just be on a saviour-high, since I had saved his ass just a couple of hours ago. But he sounded too genuine for this to be anything but real. Whatever had happened to him while I was gone, it had completely altered his perspective on mates.

"I-I will help," I offered. "You know you're going to have to lose control of me, though, don't you?"

"I know." He looked sad.

"I want to train, I want to help with the alpha stuff. I won't be a doctor and I won't just be something to hang off your arm."

He nodded. "You can do whatever you want to, but I... I'd like you to stay way from Maeve during training. She's too rough, her opponents always get hurt..." He trailed off when he caught the look on my face, then sighed. "I will do my best to let go," he promised.

"Then you should know that I'll try to make it easy for you. If you don't want me to fight Maeve, I won't fight Maeve." I smiled. "Though, it seems like it could be fun..."

He glared at me.

"Can we not joke about all of this yet?"

"No, I'm not ready for joking," he admitted. "It's been a tough couple of weeks."

Guilt shot through me like a rocket, not because I had left him two weeks ago - I'd had reason - but because the last two weeks hadn't been hard for me at all. I'd thought about him, but I hadn't been necessarily sad about leaving. The way he looked at me was like he'd experienced a relationship that I hadn't, and it only made me feel worse.

He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I cleared my throat. "The last two weeks were... weird for me, too."

"You're lying to me."

"What?"

"Gina kept in touch with me, Erika." Dimitri sighed, collapsing his arms on the table, so that he could lay down his forehead. "I know you were the happiest you've ever been working for her. Although, she didn't exactly tell me you were working for her. I thought she'd sent you to another pack." His voice was slightly muffled.

"I won't say they haven't been the best two weeks of my life," I conceded, "but you know that has nothing to do with you. I felt free at the village, I could choose to do whatever I wanted. It wasn't like I'd been given that privilege here."

His head snapped up as if he was about to argue with me, but when he caught my gaze, the annoyance on his face dissolved, and he slumped to lean against one hand. "I guess you weren't exactly free here."

"No but that's going to change this time, isn't it?"

He nodded.

"Then I am sure the next years of my life will be the best." I paused, scooping up one of the last few bites on my plate. "I won't be here for two days, though."

His eyes flickered straight to my face accusingly.

"I'm coming back soon, I just want to leave the village properly. And then I'm... sort of all yours." I smiled half-heartedly at him. "I think it'll be better for me to stay at the guest house with Gina for the night, too, so we don't get too attached. Just for the next few days."

"Well, I can't force you to stay," he grumbled, staring down at his hands on the island. I considered comforting him, but I wasn't going to congratulate him for giving me freedom, nor console him for not being able to control me. It wasn't right. "As long as you promise to come back to the pack."

"You think I would just abandon you without notice?" I challenged, and he gave me a look. "I gave you notice before!"

A small, smug smile flashed over his face. "I guess you did. And no, I don't think you would, it's just hard when my wolf wants... so much more to happen so much faster."

"What does he want to happen right now?"

Dimitri glanced down at my lips but didn't answer me. His eyes were dark and longing when they met mine, his skin glistening under the unnecessary light above our heads. I couldn't help but look at his lips, too, like a reflex. And then I *wanted* to kiss him, too. I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than kiss him.

"I'm gonna head to the guest house," I blurted.

He blinked out of the trance, turning away from me, and I hopped down from the stool.

"No attachment, right?"

"Yeah," he muttered. "No attachment."

I paused halfway to the door already, peering back at his back as he sat, rigid, on his stool, staring down at the countertop. I could imagine the look on his face, the frustration of the moment being so ruthlessly killed. I abandoned the door and walked up next to him, standing on my toes to reach his tall figure even sitting down. With a hand on his shoulder, I whispered into his ear, "I wanted to."

His head turned to look at me as I walked away this time.

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