~ Chapter Thirty ~

Jessica was as harsh on me as she had ever been, regardless of her hesitation to step outside. We had travelled into a private space behind the house, rather than broadcast our spars to the whole pack, some of which may not even realise that it's training and think we were fighting for real. Which I hadn't taken off of the table just yet. I threw my fist toward Jessica's face as my first move, before she'd even prepared herself, and she responded with a matching excitement. Punches, kicks, spins; we did anything we could to avoid falling still, for if I fell still, I worried I would break down, and I wasn't ready for that yet.

"You have certainly improved," said Jessica, panting, as she flung herself to one side out of the way. "I can't tell yet if that is because of your frustration or your training."

"Training," I answered firmly. I still sounded angry. "You would like Leanne."

"I have met her before. I find her methods to be very..." She trailed off as she stared toward the house, blocking one of my jabs at her face. I quickly followed her gaze, but looked away when I caught brown eyes looking at us. I threw another, stronger jab at Jessica, then another, then another, until she was forced to only pay attention to me so that I wouldn't actually hit her. I'd already completed three of the combos Leanna had taught me to trip up my sparring partners.

"Jessica," *he* called, "go inside."

I hit her palm harder. "He's seriously undermining me." Jess gave me a sympathetic smile, stepping out of the way, and Dimitri quickly took her place. She hurried inside without a look back.

"Train," Dimitri demanded, nodding at his two raised palms. I didn't hesitate to throw my fists into his hands as hard as I could, letting out all of my energy, anger and guilt. "I want you to listen to what I'm saying."

I didn't answer.

"Not telling you about Nola was another fuck up on my part, but in my defense, I didn't think you'd want your night to be ruined by something so terrible. Isn't it easier for you to have that untainted memory, and then this awful morning as a separate thought?"

"You're justifying your wrong-doing," I snapped and switched unexpectedly to his gut. He blocked my jabs quickly, staring at my face.

"Then I am sorry, okay? I am."

"Not."

He groaned. "Erika, I am *trying*-"

"Let me tell you what your issue is." I grabbed his wrist before he could stop me, twisted, and sent him tumbling to the ground on his front. My knee pressed down onto his back, holding him in place beneath me, in submission to me. "You're terrified of someone being on the same level as you, so you do everything you can to keep them from it. I didn't realise this last night, but saying 'alpha stuff' instead of explaining to me, your *Luna*, what's going on, isn't being a good mate. That's just purposely keeping me in the dark. And to bury my childhood friend without even asking me!"

He suddenly spun around on the floor, forcing me up to my feet, then dragged me down and flipped me onto my back, his body astride mine. His fingers closed around my wrists above my head. "You're probably not wrong, Erika, but last night, I really did think I was helping you. Nola wasn't sent to us in one piece, it was an horrific image I wish my warriors didn't have to see. I worried that, for you, it would be traumatising in a whole different way."

I pressed my lips together, untensing my arms. He let go of them but didn't get up, so I threw myself upward into him. As I stood, I reached down for his shoulders and dragged him up, too. I expected to be able to put him in another hold of some sort, something that I could use to keep him still while I got my turn to talk, but he spun me around so that I was against his chest too soon, his arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind. I raised my hands to tug on his forearms, as I struggled against the death grip.

"I still should have known," I argued.

"I know."

"I should... I should have been able to sit and say goodbye to her. I've done her so wrong, leaving her there with Roger, and to know that she was tormented by him first..."

"I know." Dimitri tightened his grip on me, and I stopped pulling against him. His head dipped down next to mine, his lips at my ear. "I know, Erika, I know."

"But you don't," I whispered. I sounded like I was crying but I wasn't; I was too numb for that.

"I know that I fucked up again and I know that you're hurting right now because of something that had to happen."

"Nola should have come with me..." I trailed off and shook my head. "Dimitri, why can't you get this mate thing right?"

He sighed. "I don't know that, but I'm trying."

I peered back at him, leaning my head on his shoulder, and he used one hand to pull my crazy curls away from my face.

"I really am trying."

"I believe you," I breathed. "What will we do about Roger?" He turned me around to face him and placed his hands tentatively on my hips. I tucked myself willingly against his chest, hoping that if I held onto him for long enough, all of those annoying little controlling traits would go away.

"Roger was always going to come for us at one point or another, whether you were with me or Gina, he would have taken us both down," Dimitri explained. "Now that we're together in the same pack, he's been given a solid target.

"Normally, I would say that we should relocate, or maybe send out some sort of attack party to destroy the threat, but this time I don't think that'll work. This is too personal; if Roger survived the attack, he would come for us again, harder, probably. It would be catastrophic. So, this time, we wait for Roger to come to us. We train the shit out of everybody, we set up the perfect trap, and when Roger comes, we destroy him and whoever he has lured into his army."

I ran my fingertips across Dimitri's skin as he spoke. "And the people he's torturing now?"

"That's your call."

I started. "What?"

"They're your friends, Erika. I can give you advice, but the ultimate decision on what to do about them will be given to you. It is only fair, after all. But remember that if we try to rescue them, we could either find out that they're already dead - or, if they're alive and we fail, we could put them in more danger than ever."

I bit my lip as I looked away. "Oh."

"I'm here to help," he assured, rubbing at my hips. "But in the meantime, would you rather pay your respects to your friend?"

I nodded.

"Then come with me and we can work this all out together later."

"Okay." I sounded weak.

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