Chapter 19

Cesar
I took her hands and pushed her away roughly, leaving her stunned. Sometimes I tried to understand if she did this on purpose. She was embedded in my mind, making me dream about her. Since I went on the trip, I had dreamt of her every night. She was careless, inelegant, poorly dressed, stubborn... and to top it all off, I could walk all over her, and she had no pride. Yet, she managed to stay in my mind. This was what she had aimed for from the start... and if she had none of the qualities that attracted me to a woman, why on earth was she getting my attention?

"Why are you looking at me like that? I was only trying to help. Just admit you hate me..." she said bluntly.

"Because I know what you’re trying to do, but I’m out of your league."

"Out of my league?" she asked, feigning confusion.

"You think because you resemble Belladonna, you have a chance with me? Look at yourself, you only cause me trouble."

"Hey, listen! Don’t go too far with the insults. You won't belittle me just because I'm not at your status. I've survived on my own. What have you done besides complain all the time?"

"How dare you raise your voice at me!"

"Then fire me, because I'm done begging for my job. I’m tired of putting up with your insults. Do you think you can treat people however you like?" She walked to the door and opened it just as Miss Benelope was entering. She walked past her, slamming the door behind her.

"Mr. Cesar, should I draft the dismissal letter?"

"Now I understand everything... she's in love with me."

"What... did you say, sir...?" Benelope's confused voice responded. But it was quite clear to me now.

"That's why she was so offended when I said she wasn't worthy of me. She's in love..."

♥

Two days had passed since the argument with Mr. Cesar, and as always, I regretted my words. I suffered from a big mouth, but my irredeemable conscience kept reminding me that I hadn't behaved well, and I hated that feeling. I felt a bit lost, and the regret was also present. It was as if I had fallen into a crossroads. I hated Mr. Cesar, but I wanted to stay for Mr. Keylef... so with this washing machine of thoughts in my head, I went to visit my Grandpa. He always gave me good advice, and seeing familiar faces in my environment relaxed me. I entered the hospital with a big smile and some flowers to decorate Beethoven's room. When I crossed the door, a cloud of something that wasn’t cigarette smoke greeted me.

"Beethoven, what are you doing?" The nurse who was with him quickly put out the joint and nervously indicated.

"I think it's time for me to leave." I gave her a disapproving look before turning my eyes to my Grandpa, who continued smoking his joint near the window.

"My little star, how are you?"

"Neither little nor a star... Don’t smoke that... you’re supposed to be here to detox. And even the nurses are joining you?"

"I'm trying, but it's very difficult... withdrawal makes me very angry, so the nurse just helped me with a cigarette." I opened my eyes wide; it was the first time in years that I could talk to him without him losing his memory.

"I know that, but at least don’t try to replace one drug with another, Grandpa."

"Tch... you talk too much when I'm the one locked up here. I'm tired of being here." I had never heard Beethoven use that tone; was he really getting better?

"I came to see how you were, Beethoven," I said, and he didn’t even look at me.

"Stop lying and say why you really came. Knowing you because I raised you, you must have gotten into trouble with those rich people as I warned you. Let me guess, you lost your job?"

"How did you know?"

"'How did you know...'?" he mimicked me with a silly face. He was really irritated like I had never heard him before. "Because you're so naive, it's pitiful... you need to wake up once and for all."

"But Beethoven... I’m trying, and everything goes wrong. Are you really okay? You’ve never behaved like this before..."

"Explain it slowly; I'm getting old, Belle."

"My boss is a real tyrant. He’s crazy!"

"Then why do you stay there? You're probably letting them treat you badly and humiliate you. Have you lost your dignity? The rich love that..." he said, looking out the window melancholically.

"I'm doing it for you, Beethoven. I want you to continue your treatment." He laughed heartily and said.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I'm forgetful, not stupid, little one. I know perfectly well that a man is the motivation behind your eagerness. I see things more clearly without the alcohol," ashamed, I lowered my gaze and said.

"I like him, Grandpa, and I know you told me not to give my heart to any of those rich people, but he's so kind and treats me so well like no one ever has. He helped me when I needed it the most. I promised to repay him for that favor with something important to him."

"Oh, oh, oh... you give me headaches, only pure headaches."

"What should I do, Beethoven...? Give me advice like you always do."

"Whatever I tell you will go in one ear and out the other. You're in love; there’s no remedy for that. So, all you can do is see this through and hope for the best."

"I'm scared..."

"You're beautiful, my child."

"But I'm not like them. I'm not at their level."

"Who told you that?"

"The master of the house. He's right... Keylef will never like me."

"The bastard might be right, but you have much more value than anyone in that house. If you let them trample on you without fighting for your dignity, don’t come back to see me because that's not what I taught you."

"I didn’t stay quiet. I yelled a lot of things at him. He didn't hold back either."

"That's my girl."

"Then I felt guilty and thought it would be better to apologize for the sake of my life."

"But you're foolish. I knew I couldn't trust you completely. What do you mean, apologize to that sour milk!"

"But Grandpa, it's better to do things right."

"I’ll give you something right on your head."

"But he's right; I'm a dirty puddle next to him... besides, they compare me to a woman. They say I look like her, and that's starting to make me curious. Do you know anything about my mother, Grandpa?" He was silent for what felt like an eternity.

"Why do you ask so much? Why don’t you stay quiet and solve the boiling cauldron you got yourself into? You’re going to get burned, mark my words," he said, completely agitated. It was clear that withdrawal was playing tricks on him.

"So, you don’t know anything..."

"And how would I know! Go ask the orphanage." He said, not looking at me, lost in the window of that completely white room. I hugged him tightly, causing him to grumble.

"Alright, alright, now go before I do something crazy."

"Thanks, Grandpa... I feel better now. I’ll be back soon to visit, and please don’t give up. I know it’s hard."

"Better not come back until my mind feels less confused."

"What do you mean? Are you remembering your past?"

"Everything is small, child... I don’t even know who I am anymore."

"Okay, I’ll leave, but don’t doubt that I’ll be back soon." I said goodbye, but that idea still buzzed in my head. I wanted to know what Belladonna looked like... did we really look that much alike? I had to see it with my own eyes. I just needed her last name and I would look for something about her on the internet. I had to unravel this mystery.

♥

Keylef
"Why didn’t you wake me up for breakfast?" I said, coming down quickly, afraid she might leave again. Just losing sight of her was enough. I sat at the table and looked at her with a serious expression.

"You didn’t call me, you didn’t send me a single message since I left. Tell me the truth, Keylef... did you even miss me a little?" A rage boiled in me like a volcano slowly reaching its limit.

"Do you really want to know the truth?" Without looking at me, she raised her cup and drank.

"Then, if you found me, it means it's time to go back." Go back? I didn’t want to go back... If it were up to me, I’d kidnap her so this moment could bind us forever.

"I suppose so..."