Chapter 50 doomed to fate

Tyler really struggled last night, the headaches and dizziness were beyond what he could bear. I sat with him in my arms the whole night while he was crying in complete agony. Every single second was pure torture for me, once again I cannot help him. Just the way that his body trembled in my arms was enough to render me helpless. I cannot protect the man I love, what type of woman does that make me.
After much protest this morning, I brought him out to the creek. It is early morning and the sun is just starting to tickle the horizon. I lead him towards some shaded trees right in the middle of almost nowhere. The smell of sweet flowers that are coming into bloom fills the air. Nearby on a tree branch sits a bird humming a beautiful song welcoming the new day. Everything else almost seems quiet; it's peaceful, it's perfect.
I thought I would do something nice for him and make him a picnic out in the fresh cool air. He has been stuck inside for most of the day since we got back yesterday. I know that he is not feeling well, but I need to give him a reason to remind him not to give up. Waiting for the Doctor is killing both of us, I have been keeping it together, but for how much longer I do not know.
So we sit quietly and watch as the bees hop from one flower to the other. I watch as a sparkle enters his eyes, and for what almost seems as a few minutes, he seems happy again. But then I see his mind gets consumed by the reason that we are sitting here, not to spend a day in the sun, but to run away from something that we do not know. But yet I remind him that we are living in the moment, living for today, and making the best that tomorrow brings.
But after what seems to be the better part of an hour he turns to me, and I can see the strain in his eyes, "Jenna, can we go back home? I am starting to feel cold."
"Sure, baby."
As we get back home, Tyler does not make it; he falls to his knees halfway as we go up the stairs. This time it's worse, it's fast, and the pain of his sobs are deafening. I need to get his body back to the comfort of his warm bed. He is hurting; he looks like he is in so much pain. Brooke helps me to lift him up and carry him back to bed. And that is where I keep him for the rest of the morning, watching him sleep in my arms.
It is early afternoon when he wakes up; there is a purpose behind him now. He wants to speak to the Doctor, he wants those results. I knew he dreaded to go for them and even to hear the outcome, but I think this morning has had him in a new determination.
So while I dial the number, he is pacing back and forth between the counters in the kitchen. He is hysterical; he is crying; he is laughing. He feels like he is losing his mind.
I am impatiently tapping his fingers on the countertop; I am irritated and downright mad. I have been holding on to speak to the Doctor for nearly ten minutes now.
The poor receptionist, which is now becoming rather annoyed with my persistence, pleads to me, "Jenna, he is busy with another patient at the moment I will get him to phone you back."
"I will hold thank you."
"You going to wait at least half an hour."
"I will hold."
She is now really getting frustrated with me, I know the girl is doing her job and I am not making it any easier, so she asks me as politely as she can, "Jenna, I need this line open for other patients to phone."
"He has to phone me back. He needs to phone me urgently."
"I promise he will phone you as soon as he is done."
I drop the call and turns to Tyler, "Baby, please come here."
He steps straight into my arms. I pull him into me ever so tight and lovingly. Now it is my body that is trembling, and I feel out of breath. I am not going to let him go, not until the Doctor phones. I can see my tears slowly drip down his back; I can no longer hide this pain; my own sobs fill the emptiness in the room. Tyler lifts my chin to meet my eyes, his own pain reflecting in mine.
He cups my face between his hands and softly place his salty lips against my sweet ones as he whispers to me. "It is going to be okay, Jenna. Isn't it?"
"Tyler, it is going to be okay. We need to know, we need to know now; we cannot wait any longer. I cannot anymore."
And then, just as promised, the phone starts to ring. It is the Doctor. I know I must pick up but I am scared, I am terrified of the unknown. I see Tyler staring at me; the terror in his eyes does not even match that of mine. He reaches out and holds my hand and squeezes it tight. He gives me one of his biggest smiles and I answer the call.
"Hi, Doctor."
"Hi, Jenna. How are you guys holding up?"
"Tyler suffered a lot of dizziness and headaches last night, then this morning fell again. But apart from that, we are holding up, looking forward to what Doctor has to say."
I look at Tyler, and he can see it; I can see it. For once, there is a glimmer of hope in our eyes. So it is with hope in our hearts that we are holding on to each other, for what comes next will determine how we spend our lives together. And as the Doctor finally starts to speak again, I feel as if I can faint.
"Jenna, I received Tyler's tests back, and…" I hear him hesitate, and I can only think what this is doing to Tyler that is standing next to me, crying now.
"Jenna, I am so sorry, Tyler has a blood clot on the brain."
"What? A blood clot? On the brain?" I hear myself saying it, but it does not register that it is me that is asking to hear the very thing that shall destroy us.
"I am afraid so Jenna."
I drop the phone to the floor and pull Tyler closer as we both crash down into a bundle of emotion and tears. We were so hoping for that good news, we were hoping to hear that it will okay. I promised this man that cannot keep one ounce of himself together, that it will be okay. I cannot fix him and now I lie.
With that, I pick the phone up once again, "So what do we do Doctor?"
"I want to have it surgically removed, there are other options, but that is my advice. So take some time to think about it."
Then in an instant, my world comes crashing down. And should I even dare to say this, but if it was not for me, then he would not have had that accident and now he would not be in this either. Did I just bring heartache in pain in his life? I love this man but are we just doomed to fate. The moment that we find each other, then it bursts apart by the seems. Life is not fair but where is the fairness in love. You cannot put two people together but yet you want to tear them apart.
This is by far going to be the biggest challenge of our relationship together. I hope in all honesty that we do not fall apart, I do not want to lose Tyler. I almost did once, I cannot and I will not do it again. I will hang on with every last thread even if I am not supposed to, but I am not letting him get away again. Nothing, no blood clot, nothing will come between us. I know, and even though we don't think it right now, but he will be okay. What will be tested is our relationship.
So as I look over to him as she stares at me through eyes only but swimming in tears, under short stuttering breaths he speaks, "Jenna what are we going to do?"
And with that, we shatter into a million pieces again, this time, this time we do not know if we can get up again. I can for certain say that our lives have just come to a screeching halt. So we stay here, on the cold kitchen floor in each other's arms until some of the pain eases. Until we know what we are going to do.