Chapter 54 the countdown begins

…Tyler POV…
The countdown has begun.
In as little as eight hours, I will be taken to the theatre. Right now, every bit of this is scary. Yet, the only thing that remains in my mind that is a constant is the fear that I will not see beyond the eighth hour.
Everything pays the price…even love.
We are paying the price for the bad things in our past, for the bad people we have left behind. I would like to say that my past has come to haunt me, but when you truly reflect, it is Jenna that has left a string of monsters behind. Now in no way am I blaming my wife for what has happened, but I just wish that there was a point where she was more honest.
So, there have come uncomfortable silences between us as we sit and count down the minute in slow agony and some anticipation of hope.
I will be honest, I went from frightened to despondent, and angry when I heard the word come from the Doctor…blood clot…apparently you get different sizes, and mine, well, he showed me the white mass that is clearly visible on the scan. But we are determined; we will latch onto our faith and take solace in it, for we will overcome this.
Faith, well, it is a word that I truly have lost all faith in, if you may say it in such a strange way. What does a man like me do to deserve what has been thrown on my plate? I did not ask for it, I did not do any wrong, it was done to me, and I had no say.
Everything pays the price…even love.
We have paid the price…I have paid the price.
Fate is what happens when you are not watching, yet karma is the way to play fate s wicked game.
Now the only thing you can be sure of is yourself. What changes is everything else? The choices and the decisions that you make will remain the same. The only certainties are what you plan. But that too can change; as for me, I planned to live a happy marriage, yet I am finding myself in a hospital bed, thinking if I should be mad at myself or my wife for what has happened to me.
But yes, coming back to that word faith, all we can do is have faith in the Doctor to save my life.
So as the first-hour ticks by, I am looking for that faith that I need to have.
…Jenna POV…
I know that Tyler wants to give up; I know even more that he is, in a way, figuring out if he has to blame me. Well, he has all the right, for it is true, if it were not for the way that I treated the men in my past, they would not be coming after me.
Now, I have told him to have faith, and he only but cocked his head at me, and much to my shocked only but laughed in my face.
What I am trying to tell him, and it is with half an ear that he listens, as I try to speak to him, as I am trying to get him to understand, I give up and write it down, as I have done before, perhaps he will listen more if it is written for him to see.
So as he falls asleep, I take a piece of paper from my bag and start to scribble on it.
"Let your faith give you comfort when you are feeling sick and strength when you are at your weakest, because when all is said and done, you will have faced this demon, and by doing so, you will find that this is how heroes are made.
So maybe today you aren't feeling too hopeful, but I have enough hope for the both of us. My prayers will accompany this letter, and my hope is more infectious than clot on your brain that you are facing. My wish is for you to catch it and face what lies ahead with optimism and great hope. You are never alone, as long as I have a breath to mutter a prayer, or better yet, as you lift up your eyes in expectation.
These are uncertain times, and I want you to know that you are not alone. You have a team of doctors and a team of family and friends, and we are all rooting for you today, but better than all of that, you have faith and hope on your side. Today, I want you to focus on that; I want you to focus on the fight and not the fright.
So, please, Tyler, keep on having faith and hope.
Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other resolution.
Did you know that not only is faith such a powerful thing, but also is prayer? It is such a lovely thing. Some of it is asking, some of it is confessing. Some is praising, and some are just listening to that still small voice. But prayer is such a powerful thing, for it is knowing that someone hears us!
Cast all your anxiety onto your faith. The anxiety of the new and the unknown is huge. With every step you take on this journey, there are unknowns lurking around the corner.?
Tyler, believe and have faith that there are so many around that cares!
Don't lose hope. When the sun goes down, the stars come out.
Nothing can separate us from our faith. NOTHING! Not sickness. Not pain. Not loneliness. Not uncertainty. Nothing can separate you from this.
Faith is daring to go beyond what the eyes can see.
Do not fear this walk through the valley. We all have valleys to walk through. Many have been through this valley before you, and many walk in your footsteps. Do not be afraid. You are strong, and we all are with you every step of the way!
Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.
Physical strength may be difficult to come by these days too. You may feel washed out or worn out. You might even feel ready to throw in the towel. Don't quit! Rest. Give yourself time. Don't try to do too much.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at a time of challenge and controversy.
The wish for healing has always been half of health.
Strength. This is what we need today and every day. We need strength, sometimes just to take the next breath. But keep your strength.
?Every day that you challenge this and survive is a victory.
?When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters; one represents danger, the other represents opportunity.
This is your opportunity to prove the strength you have; this is your opportunity to you can, and that you will overcome this.
You're a superhero in my eyes. You're so strong and brave. Even though you've had a rollercoaster of emotions in your life for the past year, you still find the strength to smile. You inspire me to be a braver person each and every day!?
Did I ever tell you what a beautiful man you are? When I say beautiful, it is not only the outward appearance but also your amazing personality and kind heart. I am glad you are my husband, and sometimes I wonder what I have done to have you in my life.
I am truly, madly, and deeply in love with you. You showered me with unconditional love and were there for me through all my ups and downs. You are a man stronger than anyone I know. Thank you for everything you did for me. You are an angel sent from above.
I am not the most beautiful woman on earth; neither am I a match for your beauty. But you never made me feel any less of myself. You loved me with all your heart and trusted me with your life. This always made me strive and be the best wife for you. I am going to show you that I am here for you; we will fight this thing together. I will be carrying your faith and your prayer when you don't have the strength to.
I have never told you how blessed I feel to have you in life. So today, I am writing to tell you how much I love you. I love you so much, my dear Tyler, that I can't express it in words. Still, let me try to tell you what you mean to me. You are the center of my life, your presence makes my dull life beautiful, and most of my memorable memories are due to you or with you. Thank God I met you; otherwise, my life would have been very sad and dull. Now I can't imagine my life without you. You are the most important person to me, and I am nothing
So please, Tyler, I need to you remember, for every single of these eight hours to come;
Never give up hope. Hope is that little voice that you hear whisper 'maybe' when it seems the entire world is shouting 'no.'
Remember, love will always outnumber, overshadow and overcome. Against all odds and despite all obstacles, we are going to make it.
Strength grows in the moments that you think you cannot go on, but keep going on anyway.
Courage isn't having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength.
Faith is about believing. You don't know how it will happen, but it will happen.
Have patience; all things are difficult before they become easy.
Fight! This is only going to be a chapter in your life. Not a whole story.
Don't stop believing in yourself, no matter what happens.
Accept it. At some point, you are going to have to accept that this is not your fault. There is nothing that you can do about it.
Forgive yourself. There is nothing that you could have done differently.
Forget about it. Don't be a prisoner of things that you cannot change.
But most of all, remember there are three things you cannot recover in life. The moment after it is missed. The word after it is said. And the time after it is wasted.
The only thing I know more stubborn than this clot on your brain is you; it is one of your best qualities and your secret weapon. Now you fight, do you understand me!
…Tyler POV…
Jenna says to fight.
They say to have patience.
I am trying.
I know that we are okay, and I have realized that it is okay to be okay. For such a long time now, I have thought that it is wrong to feel okay, that it should not be okay when you are going through something like this, but then I realized that all we need to be is okay.
So as I lay here, in what seems like quiet agony, I slowly starts to open my eyes, and there is that beautiful smile.
"Hey." She gently squeezed my hand, as that smile only grows.
"Hey, yourself." I place a soft kiss on her somewhat cold hands. "Have you been here the whole time?"
"Where else would I be? How are you feeling?"
"A little bit better than before."
I lean in and pull her into the depths of my chest; I take a deep breath and pull her in even deeper, I break down in tears that consume every corner of my rosy cheeks; then, after what seems to be the better half of five minutes, I look at her.
"Jenna, I don't want to leave you behind."