Chapter 39

I sighed and stared at the colorful spines of all the books that filled the wall behind the desk where Sten sat. Tiredness was starting to settle into my bones and beg me to sleep. We’d been trying to find more information about exactly what I could do with my powers. The problem we’d run into was that my magic was so old. A lot of the records then were passed verbally, and as vuelvas died off so did their stories.

“You two look like you could use some sleep.” Erik grunted from the doorway.

My gaze snapped to him. I was so tired I hadn’t even heard him approach. I nodded and let my head drop back against the soft chair behind me.

“Did you find anything out?” Erik stepped into the room as his gaze bounced between me and Sten.

My mind bounced over what we’d discovered. It wasn’t a lot, but apparently vuelvas were useful in battle. There were tales of them creating a mist that was so thick the enemy couldn’t see, but the army attached to the vuelva could.

Another form described the mist as a thick fog, but it caused confusion. Targeting the enemy soldiers, but instead of disorientating them it pried at weaknesses and fears. The mist essentially creating a terrified being that couldn’t fight. We’d also learned that memories were vulnerable, and I could twist them and make them believe things happened differently that they had.

Other examples showed vuelvas that did readings for the enemy and mislead them with false prophecies and victories. Making them overly cocky and easy to be overwhelmed and facing a destruction they caused themselves. It put them in situations they weren’t prepared for and created an easy victory for the vuelvas side.

The problem was that despite having proof that I was capable of these skills, there was no good way to practice it. I didn’t want to risk my mates sanity, or some innocent wolf. I also didn’t want to use the magic just to see if I could do it. But by not knowing how to do it, I could be a liability. It took a lot of focus to wield my magic, and I’d be useless in fighting as I tried to conjure something that I may not be able to do or didn’t have the control to handle.

“Nothing overly specific. I think we’re going to learn as we go. Seems she does best learning that way anyway.” Sten shrugged as his words pulled me back to the conversation at hand.

His tone and posture reinforcing that he wasn’t a huge fan of my learning these skills. I rolled my eyes and scoffed before pushing myself to my feet. I shot him a glare which he ignored. I thought we were past this.

“Thought we’d moved on, brother.” Erik growled.

“We have, I didn’t mean it like that.” Sten sighed and leaned forward with his elbows on the desk.

He sighed and hung his head between his arms before looking back up to me.

“I’m sorry, Astrid. I should have minded my tone better. I’m not going to stand in your way of learning this, not when it means so much to you. I must admit thought, that I’m nervous about it. Magic has a cost. Usually, it’s tiredness or hunger. But we’re starting to drift into territory that can leave permanent marks on your soul. Something I don’t want you to have to deal with.” Sten met my gaze with glossy eyes.

“I’d rather have to handle a little darkness than handle life without you. I can handle whatever I have to, if it means I still have the four of you to fight by my side. Besides, this is a last resort.” I tried to keep my tone gentle and soft, but inside my chest anger and frustration grew as we kept arguing in circles.

Anger passed over Sten’s face. He pushed himself to his feet and leaned on his fists over the desk. A growl ripped through the room from his chest, his jaw clenched and moved back and forth as he ground his teeth. I could tell he was trying to pick his words, tame the battle that wanted to rip through him.

“Is that what happened the other day? When Rune barely received a scratched and you stepped in? You didn’t even give us or him a chance to regain control of the situation. I told Frode that you weren’t ready. I told him that you needed more time to train.” Sten growled and spun on his heel to face the books behind him.

“You what?” I spat, trying process his confession.

Hurt and anger bloomed in my chest. He might as well just wrap his fist around my heart and crushed it, the way it was hurting. Sten’s head dropped, but he didn’t turn around.

“You told him I wasn’t ready. I went behind my back to discuss my abilities and skills with Frode. Meanwhile, you acted like you were fine with me going. You said nothing to me.” I hissed, unable to keep the hurt from my voice.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, or make you doubt yourself. You are already so concerned with your control and abilities. I didn’t want to plant doubt that would make it worse or hurt you.” He said, turning to face me.

My eyes moved over him. His expression was pained, this clearly wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. Probably not even a conversation he ever planned on having.

“Well, you failed, on all accounts.” I spat, and pushed past Erik, who had become a silent statue in the middle of the room.

I stood in the living room looking out the window to the front yard. My fist open and closed as I tried to regain my composer. Hurt and anger pulsed through me in waves that kept crushing each other.

Sten had questioned my ability and control to the point of going to our leader but said nothing to me. I question my control and abilities, but he could have come to me. I would have been mad, but so far in this relationship I’d compromised when they made valid points. Sten had a valid concern.

Erik had closed the door behind me, and I’d heard murmuring from behind it, but couldn’t make out what was being said. Honestly, I was so upset that I didn’t want to know. I felt a warm tear run down my cheek. Leaning my forehead against the cool pane of glass was grounding and I closed my eyes as I leaned into it.

“Are you alright?” Frode’s voice came from behind me.

Sniffling, I cleared my throat and stood back up straight. I wiped my tears away and nodded.

“I’m fine.” My voice betrayed my emotions.

“Liar.” He stepped up against my back.

I held a scoff back, clearing my throat instead. He may not have gone behind my back like Sten had, but he could have said something. I wasn’t sure if it was fair or not, but there was a hint of betrayal that I felt towards him too.

“I’m going for a run.” I sighed and moved to the door.

“I’ll go with you.” Frode moved to follow me.

“No, I’d like time to myself.” I spun to face him.

“With the hunters I don’t want you by yourself.” He reasoned.

Did he doubt my abilities, too?

“Fine. Erik!” I called.

The office door opened, and Erik stepped out.

“Want to go for a run with me?” I asked him with a sigh.

He looked between Frode and I. Sadness flashed over his expression, but it was so fast it could have been missed. Frode stiffened and looked at me. He hadn’t missed it. Erik nodded and moved toward me and the door.

“Be careful.” Frode sighed and turned to the office where Sten was standing in the doorway.

I nodded and walked outside. Erik and I stripped and shifted. He waited patiently, recognizing that he was here to ensure safety. Who would have thought that my warrior mate would be the most sensitive to my needs?