Chapter 59

I look around the white tile room. It's dark than it usually is but still bright enough we can see. A groan pulls the vision to Sten.

His face is bruised and there are a few cuts that need to be cleaned and sutured. He's slumped against the wall across from where we sit in Erik's mind. Sten winces and tries to sit up more, his hand automatically going to his side to support it.

A wound that I remember from the last vision is there. It's weeping blood. It should have been healing by now.

This is the first time I've been in their minds that they seem actually alert. Relief fills me as I see them alert. Alert is good, it means they aren't wounded too badly.

"Bet you're glad your beta, with your protector healing, huh?" Sten grinned at Erik.

Erik scoffed.

"You're just jealous, brother," Erik grumbled.

At least they had their sense of humor.

"I miss them, I miss her." Erik's eyes closed and I could feel his pain through the bond.

"I know, me too." Sten's voice is quiet.

"Sometimes I swear I feel her." Erik groaned.

"Because she's in your mind. Push her out." Sten's voice darkened.

"What?" Erik's body froze as he went on alert.

"Her magic. It allows her to use our bond to see through our minds. She figured it out by accident one day with me and has never done again, it until now. I don't even think she means to." Sten's gaze was angry. "She doesn't need to see this, feel this. Erik pushes her out. Put your wall up."

"What do you mean she doesn't mean to? She can control her magic." Erik's voice was full of confusion.

"I'm not saying she can't. I think that our leaving did something to her, and it's made her vulnerable to her magic. She wants to see us so her magic does it. But I can push her out too easily. Astrid would dig her heels in and be harder to push out. I only have to put up a weak barrier and she's pushed back. Either she's not in control, or she's too tired from doing it all the time. I've been trying to reach Frode, but the bond is too weak. It can only be initiated from her end by her. Hopefully, he'll catch on soon, she must be exhausted." Sten explained.

"So just put up my walls?" Erik asks.

"Yes, it'll send her back to her own mind. She doesn't need to see this, as nice as her presence is." Sten's smile is weak.

I feel myself being tugged back down the bond. I try to dig in, but I can't. Sten is right, I'm tired. Too tired.

The white room fades and the bedroom comes back into focus. Frode is beside me, still holding my hand. He meets my eyes, and I see his heart shatter. I can't stand looking at him, so I turn around.

"Don't turn away from me," Frode murmurs, stopping me.

He takes in my appearance like he's really seeing me for the first time. His gaze is heavy it travels over my form. He clenches his jaw and looks away.

"Sten's right, you're exhausted. Are you controlling the visions, or are they controlling you?" He asks softly.

I let my silence fill the void. He nods and kisses my forehead before standing. He leaves, but Rune was already at the door. I hear them talking in hushed tones, but can't make out what they are saying. Rune nods and steps in closing the door behind him.

"Glad you're awake." He smiles and lays beside me on the bed.

I smiled and snuggled next to him. He slid down and wrapped an arm around me. I sighed and leaned into him, closing my eyes.

"Hey, don't go to sleep. Frode went down to throw some food together for you. You need to eat. You've lost weight, and will need your strength, angel." Rune rubbed my back.

"Tired." I murmured.

"I know. Why don't we go downstairs? It may be good for a change of scenery, or maybe a shower." Rune suggested.

I shook my head.

He sighed and held me closer. I didn't need to use my magic to feel his pain. To feel how I was breaking his heart.

I regretted ever suggesting going after the hunters. We should have let them come to us as Frode said. Did he blame me? Is that why he was short-tempered with me?

"Whatever you're thinking you're wrong. I wish I had Sten's magic right now. Astrid this getting ridiculous. Erik and Sten aren't dead. you've seen that for yourself. You've felt their pain. You can feel their bond now. But if we don't do something, if we keep sitting here like this, moping, they will be. And that-that will kill the rest of us." Rune said his tone flat.

I didn't respond. How could I? What could I possibly say to make this better?

Frode knocked at the door and let himself in. He had a tray with some eggs and toast and tea. He set it down and handed me the mug.

I sit, it was a new herbal blend, but I shrugged it off. I picked at my eggs and toast, eating enough they didn't bother me. My appetite was gone though.

After I finished eating my tea, I laid back down next to Rune. Frode sat beside the bed in the armchair. It didn't take long for the effects of a full stomach and the constant visions to pull me into sleep.

I'm not sure how long I slept, but it was dark when I opened my eyes again. I wasn't ready to be awake yet, so I closed my eyes. Voices pulled me back towards consciousness.

"Faye said the tea would make her sleep, at least until she was rested. Then it would make it so the magic didn't control her-" Frode's voice was soft and filled with concern.

I stopped listening. They'd drugged me with herbs. I was so out of control they weren't even giving me a chance. I couldn't stop the growl that grew in my chest.

"Good evening, little one. Ready to join the conversation, or will you just sit there and fume?" Frode asked, his voice sharp.

"You trust me so little that you drugged me?" I sat up.

"It's not about trust, Astrid. You aren't caring for yourself. As your mate, your alpha, it's my job to make sure that you're cared for. If you refuse to do it, I will. You've let yourself spiral out of control." Frode stood up and moved to the edge of the bed, kneeling beside it.

"I lost my mates." I shot back at him.

"No, they are alive. They gave you a chance to end this, and you're laying in bed mourning them while they live." Frode's fists clamped around the blanket.

"How do you call that alive?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"They are breathing. Hell, they even have a sense of humor. We saw that earlier. They are warriors, they are trained and can take a few hits. If we keep sitting here doing nothing, they will die. And you will be mourning. But we aren't there yet. It's time to fight, Astrid. Not let your magic go wild and starve yourself of nutrition and sleep." Frode stood and moved to the window.

"If you have so much faith in me, why give me the tea?" I ask quietly.

"So you could rest. You stood no chance of controlling your magic if you were as exhausted as you were. If we didn't give you the tea you would have stayed in that cycle until you were too exhausted and malnourished to live. I told you this isn't about trust. I know you can control your magic, you just have to believe in yourself. Something we can't make you do. That's something that only you can do. But know this, and never forget it. We trust you. We believe in you. You have it takes-skill and knowledge." Frode's voice softened as he finished.

"Control is like sand. If you grip it too tightly you'll lose it all no matter what, but if you cradle it gently you'll keep your grip on it. If you grip your magic too tightly, it'll lash out. If you soothe it and nurture it, it'll flourish." Rune added.

We sat in silence for a while. Their words spun around in my head. Frode wasn't wrong. I'd been mourning, but my mates were dead. They were alive and waiting for me.

I wasn't as confident about my magic as they were, but what choice did I have. I couldn't let Sten and Erik die in that white-tiled room. I couldn't let them die, period.

The bed shifted as Frode sat down beside me. He brought his large warm hand up to my cheek. I leaned into his touch.

"Little one, if you could see yourself as we see you, you'd know we're telling the truth. It's late. Get some rest. We'll talk in the morning." Frode smiled and moved to get up.

Without thinking my arm shot out and I took his hand.

"Stay with me? Both of you?" I looked past Frode to Rune.

"How about you sleep with us? This bed is too small." Rune's nose scrunched as he considered the bed.

"Fine." I smiled.

Frode grinned and scooped me up. We moved down the hall, and he paused outside the door to the master bedroom. He looked at me, waiting for a sign I was ready. I hadn't been in here since they were taken, and Frode and Rune had been sleeping in the chairs in my old room.

I took a steadying breath and nodded.

Rune opened the door and we stepped inside. Erik and Sten's scent instantly hit my nose, bringing tears to my eyes. I nuzzled into Frode's neck as a sob broke through my walls. Frode shifted so he could rub my back and soothed me.

"Are you sure you want to be here?" He asked.

I nodded and he set me down on the bed. I grabbed Sten and Erik's pillows and buried my face in them. I felt Rune and Frode join me on the bed and I fell asleep with their warmth around me and Sten and Erik's scents in my nose.