Chapter 41

I wasn’t sure if I felt relieved or terrified. On one hand I wanted to end this silence and friction between Sten and me. On the other hand, I was terrified that the others shared his concerns. That they felt I was unprepared and liability.

My mates setting in around me pulled my attention back to my surroundings. Frode pressed against my side, Rune on my other side. Erik sat the chair beside Rune, while Sten stood leaning against the mantle of the fireplace. He didn’t look at us, instead his focus was on the flames that flickered below him.

“We haven’t pressured you, Astrid. But we know something is up. What is going on?” Frode’s voice was soothing to my nerves.

My eyes flickered to Sten who was acting like he was ignoring this whole scene. His body posture was tense though, and his body was still as he listened to what was going to be said. I wish he’d let me in so I could sense what he was feeling.

“Just a disagreement. I’m trying to sort it all out still.” I replied quietly, leaning into Frode’s warm body.

“Let us help you sort it. It’s been a few days. It’s killing us to see you so upset and not be able to help.” Rune’s warm hand wrapped around mine.

I hesitated, but after a few moments nodded.

“Do you think I’m ready to be going with you when you go hunt rogues?” I blurt.

Frode stiffened beside me and when I looked to his face, he was glaring at Sten’s profile. Sten hadn’t moved, but I could see his jaw clenching. He hadn’t meant to tell me about that, and apparently wasn’t supposed to bring it up. My gaze fell to Erik who was staring at the floor.

“Why would you ask that?” Rune’s hand squeezed mine.

His tone told me that he wasn’t aware of the conversation between Sten and Frode or what had happened in the office.

“Sten told me he thought I wasn’t ready and that he had voiced the concern to Frode. I still went on the mission. But if you doubt my abilities or if you have questions, I’d like to hear them. I don’t want you going behind my back to each other about it. I’d like to be a part of the conversation. I can’t fix issues or concerns if I don’t know about them.” My tone was moving away from hurt and more towards anger.

“Am I wrong in saying that this is a Sten concern only?” Erik asked, lifting his gaze to Rune and Frode.

They both nodded. Their response helped ease my concern some, but I knew the anxious butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t go away until everything was settled between Sten and I. Looking up at him, I saw that he was still looking into the fire, his body tense.

“I told you to let this go. Why are you so against this?” Frode asked, pushing himself to his feet so he could approach Sten.

Sten didn’t move or respond.

“I asked you a question, Sten.” Frode repeated, his alpha tone leaking into his voice.

The muscles in Sten’s cheek tensed as he clenched his jaw. Then his head dropped, and he sighed.

“I don’t feel like you guys are listening when I tell you that doing this magic could take our mate away. It could change her. That terrifies me, and you three don’t seem to care at all.” Sten’s fists clenched in anger, but he still faced the mantel.

“I thought we handled this back up north. I thought we were ok.” I hissed at him, lunging to my feet.

“I was until you used your magic. I felt like the first chance you got to act you were wielding death. You didn’t hesitate to take out those rogues. Did you even think about it?” He turned to face me, his expression cold and angry.

“Of course, I did. Not long, but I did. You were right, I didn’t give you guys a chance to try to handle the rogues. I saw Rune stumble and fall and in a compromising position and I didn’t give myself a chance to think thoroughly. But I’d do it again.” I snarled.

“What?” He asked, stepping back.

“I said, I’d do it again. No questions asked. There could come a situation where if I thought too long about acting, I’d put you in jeopardy. I won’t do that. I won’t let my inaction, or hesitation be the reason one of you gets hurt or killed. I followed my gut, and I don’t regret it.” I stepped toward Sten, closing the distance between us. “You don’t trust me.” I accused him.

“I do.” He spat back, turning back to the mantel.

I grabbed his arm and turned him back to face me. Emotions were running high, and I didn’t want to make things worse. I didn’t regret protecting my pack. However, I felt horrible for taking the rogues lives. I wasn’t cut out to be a judge and executioner.

“Look at me while we have this conversation. Look me in the eye and say you trust me.” I hissed.

“I trust you.” He glared at me.

“Not with this you don’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have questioned me. I’ll admit I could have helped without killing. But in the heat of the moment, I did what I felt I had to do to protect you. I don’t regret and I won’t. What I can do is promise next I’ll try something else before jumping to that.” I said, not admitting that there was guilt in my heart, but not for what he thought.

“You’re lying. I can sense your emotions, Astrid. It’s part of what’s been bothering me so much. That you used your magic and are so upset about it now. Why do you regret it? Did it change you and you won’t confess it?” He accused as he stepped into my space.

“It’s not regret. It’s more like guilt. I feel horrible about ending their lives. It was made worse when we found out they were being controlled. What if they didn’t agree to be made into the vicious rogues they were?” My shoulders sagged at my confession.

“Then you put them out of their misery, little one. If they were being controlled willingly or not, there was no saving them. Death was the only way to stop them.” Frode stepped up next to me and pulled me into his warm embrace.

My gaze met Sten’s and what I saw broke me. We’d been so rude and horrible avoiding each other since we’d returned, and all for nothing. A misunderstanding and assumptions we’d drawn of each other.

“I’m sorry, princess. For everything. I should have come to you. I should have had this discussion with you instead of letting it all fester between us. You have my word that I’ll do better, that I’ll be better. You deserve that.” Sten said, stepping forward his eyes pleading for forgiveness.

“I’m just as guilty. I should have forced this discussion, not let it grow to this point. I’m sorry.” I stepped out of Frode’s arms.

Sten instantly pulled me into his. This time I felt his sincerity in his apology. We were still growing together, but I knew we’d do better than this in the future. I leaned into his warmth and enjoyed my mate who’d been keeping his distance. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

“Now that we have that settled, can we find food? I’m hungry.” Rune mumbled as he walked to the kitchen.

I giggled into Sten’s chest. Rune would be the first to think of food. They were all probably starving after working all day with the other packs. My other mates went to help Rune, while Sten squeezed me a little harder before releasing me. I looked up to him and smiled as he took my hand and led me to where I could hear my other mates already talking, their moods all lightened.