Chapter 58

I lay on my bed in my room and stared at the wall. Rune or Frode was always with me, but we sat in silence. A part of me knew that they were just as lost and hurt as I was without their brothers. But my broken heart was all I could focus on.

It had been almost a week since they left. I'd learned that although I couldn't see their end of the bond like I could Rune or Frode, I could follow it until it disappeared. It was still taught and felt connected, so they were alive. A few times a day pain echoed through, another proof of life combined with a way to torture us.

I'd entered a cycle of laying in the room in silence and being thrown into the minds of Sten and Erik. I had no control over when I came and went, my magic sent me into the minds and my exhausted body pulled me back. When I returned to myself I was sick and exhausted, still able to feel their pain from the bond. All I could do was submit myself to the pull and travel back and forth as my body and magic fought themselves. Frode and Rune were starting to see the effect, although they believed I was doing it to myself.

The familiar tug pulled on me and I closed my eyes, submitting to the pull. I felt Sten's presence, indicating who I was connecting to. Continuing down the bond the room faded around me and I entered the darkness in between our minds. Then the smell of dampness and an ache settled in my mind. I heard a groan and then Sten opened his eyes.

His vision was blurry like he'd just woken up. It cleared after a few blinks. Pain riddled his body, I could feel it. He looked down at his side where his hand had been clutching. His hand was covered in fresh blood.

He glanced around the bright room. The brightness hurt his eyes as he looked around. Everything was tiled white, with a drain in the middle of the room. The floors sloped downward toward it, like a large bathing room. Red stained the grout and was splattered on the floor beneath him and Erik.

My stomach turned at the sight.

Panic flashed through Sten. He's the only one of my mates that can really sense when I'm lurking in their minds. I'm not sure if it's his own magic that helps him sense it, or if he's just more aware. He also has the ability to shut down the connection and send me back to my own mind.

His panic tells me he's figuring out I'm there, but since I'm still here, I figure either he's not totally aware, or he's not capable of sending me back. I'm not sure which is more terrifying. Him not being aware enough to know, or is too weak to do anything about it.

He looks at Erik, who is unconscious. I'm not sure if he's sleeping, or it's due to his injuries. His face is covered in bruises, and one eye is swollen shut. His lip is cracked and bleeding, and his torso is littered with wounds and bruises.

My heart breaks, and I try to shove it back down. Too much emotion and Sten will definitely know I'm here. I've been using these moments to check on my mates, but also to see if I could see where they are. So far I'd been able to do the first.

Suddenly, I'm being pushed back down the connection. I'm thrown back into my own mind and room. Leaning over the edge of the bed I grab the trashcan and vomit. I'm not sure if it's from the pain I felt from Sten, the sight I took in or being thrown from Sten's mind.

I feel warm hands bring my hair back from my face and out of the reach of my vomit. The bed shifts as pine and spices fill my nose. Frode's hand runs up and down my back as I finish heaving in the trash.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He mutters, handing me a damp cloth.

I just glare at him. He sighs and empties the trash and puts a new bag in it. Lately, it seems I've settled on anger for my emotion of the day.

I wonder if he'll be able to figure out I don't have control of it. I'm not sure if I want him to or not, but maybe it would at least help ease some of the tension between us. More than once I'd considered telling him. But, I couldn't find the words. How could I tell him that even after all this time, after all this training I still have no control?

"You need to stop this. We can get them back, but you have to fight. If you can't fight for yourself, fight for them. They need you. We need you." Frode's tone was gentle but carried a hint of scolding.

"How can I fight to save them, when I didn't fight to stop them?" I snapped as I turned, giving Frode my back.

"You didn't fight? I could feel your anguish, your emotions through the bond. The only reason you stopped was that Sten took them away. You have them back. Use them." He spat shoving himself to his feet.

I ignored his pacing behind me, choosing to focus on the dresser across the room. Taking a steadying breath I try to calm my emotions. The forced connection usually occurred when I was upset like my magic was trying to seek out the comfort of my mates, even though it only upset me more.

His words pushed silent arguments I'd been having with myself back into my mind. I knew what Sten had been doing. I knew that was why Frode sent him with me. That was their plan, their silent agreement.

But a small part of me wondered if I'd tried would I have been able to stop him. To take back my emotions? I knew they were up to something, yet I kept my walls down. I'd left myself open to him and his magic. I'd allowed it to happen, and allowed my mates to be taken from right in front of me without a fight.

Frode's heavy footsteps stopped. Silence and tension settled over the room. Anger and hurt bubbled up inside me, despite my trying to stop it. Pain crashed over me, making me gasp. Everything I'd been holding in surfaced and wanted a piece of me.

Pressing my eyelids tightly together, I tried to calm myself. I tried to bury the pain and anger. It was like wrestling a slippery snake.

Then I felt it.

A tug.

"Astrid, don't you dare. Stay here with me damn it." Frode climbed on the bed, taking my hand.

I tried to pull back, but I couldn't it was too late. Frode was connected and I felt his presence follow me down the golden connection. I tried to break the connection, panic consuming me. I couldn't we were going down this rabbit hole without a choice.