Chapter 29

Hours later I still wasn't feeling better. My eyes were dry from crying out all the tears I had and a pounding headache was starting to make itself more present. I had taken pain medicine and the cops had to take pictures of my injuries. When the cops first arrived they put Finn in handcuffs....





My face was beaten and his knuckles were roughed up from kicking Jack's ass so they just assumed. After some very panicked explanations, they freed him but he was understandably not happy about it. I didn't want them to call my dad. I was eighteen so I demanded that they didn't notify him. Eventually he would find out, but I didn't want to have to tell him. I didn't have the stomach to do it. Finn argued with me about it, but ultimately relented since I was in no shape to debate with him.



We both got driven to the police station together since he was a witness. We separated once we got there, though. The most painful part of the whole process was having to retell the experience word for word, not leaving out any details. I knew Finn and the other detectives were watching me recount it on the other side of the glass. I could understand why so many people don't want to testify in court. I don't know if I'll be able too. The detective tried to be comforting, but ultimately her efforts went to waste. It took me at least an hour to get the events out in clear words and detail. Knowing the whole thing was being recorded and written down only made me more anxious.



Finn ended up getting a ride back to the school after my interview. He got my keys from the scene after pictures and finger prints were taken and got my stuff. He waited for me at the station after that. It didn't surprise me, I'm sure any decent person would wait.



When I had to go to the hospital for the rape kit, I told him to go home. I didn't need the knowledge of him waiting for me while I got processed for a rape kit. It was a small and insignificant thing, but it felt a lot bigger. My mind was trying to distract myself from the issues at hand. Regardless, Finn refused to leave and waited in the hospital waiting room for two hours. By the time everything was said and done, it was almost midnight. My father was spending the week in New York City again which saved me from having to explain anything to him.



He'll find out eventually though......



I shook my head to push the thought from my mind. Finn was driving me home. It was a two hour drive, essentially from boarder to boarder. The ride was quiet, even the radio was off. I think Finn wanted to give me time to myself. I couldn't think of anything that I wanted to be said to me. It was just going over the same thoughts in my head while the drugs the EMTs gave me tried to keep

me from trembling.



I can't believe this happened to me. I don't know how to feel. I'm anxious about this getting out. How does this affect my future.



Repeat.



By the time we were almost in Groton, I had given up on trying to think. I felt vulnerable. I couldn't protect myself and here I am, trying to be some an Olympic Athlete. I was pathetic. I was in pain despite the medicine they had given me and I just wanted to forget about today. Everything had been going so well before this.



The cops said they would make arrests as soon as the rape kit was processed. Having Finn and I testify along with the physical proof was enough for them to get 10 years each. The words of the doctor still rang in my ears.



"Everyone is different. You might experience anxiety, depression, PTSD, sexual disfunction, anger, sense of vulnerability, intense fear, panic attacks, changes is diet, insomnia, and changes in mensural cycle. You might experience none. You might experience all."



It was like those words were stuck on repeat in my head. I hate to admit it, but sexual disfunction had to be the most embarrassing. I hope that doesn't happen to me. God, I sounded so superficial. I hated myself.



Then again, I hope none of them happen to me.



My elbow was rested on the window, with my forehead against my fist. I starred at Finn the entire drive. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. It was dark out and late, but I wasn't tired. My heart was still beating faster than it should be.



Finn eventually spoke up in a horse voice. He sounded like he was trying to be gentle with me. "What did the doctor say?"



I could easily tell him that I didn't want to talk about it, but I didn't. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest. I took a deep breath and puffed it out. "Minor concussion. Should be gone by monday. Take it easy on the throat, I'm going to have severe bruising." I paused, not sure if I would be crossing a line. I continue anyway. "Gave me drugs for pain. Vaginal tearing. Alot of blood but you don't want to hear about that. Should be good in two weeks. I'm sure you can figure out the possible side affects." I mumbled the last sentence and looked away from him, and out the window. Stupidly, I felt almost shameful. We sat in silence again before I spoke up again. "You didn't have to stay."



"I know. But I didn't want you to be alone. We are friends after all." He said gently. I normally would get mad for being treated like a doll but I didn't have the fight in me right now.



"Thanks for saving me. I think I'd just about given up then." I whispered. A tear rolled down my cheek. "I feel stupid and helpless. I know it wasn't my fault but I can't shake the feeling. God, I just fucking let it happen." I bit angrily at myself. Tears that I didn't have at the hospital were now rolling down my cheeks again.



"Everything was going so damn well for me. Now this." I gestured with my hands before placing them on either side of my nose, supporting my forehead. "I knew Jack was an asshole but I didn't think he'd go so far. The things he said don't even bother me. It's the things he did."



Finn hesitantly asked, "What did he say to you?"



I snorted humorlessly. My mood was cynical at this point. "You mean besides when he accused me of playing men's lacrosse to get boys attention and accusing me of sleeping with the entire team? How he was going to teach me a fucking lesson? Maybe your asking about when he said no wonder you couldn't keep my on a leash, I was a fucking slut. Or when he asked me if I moaned like a whore for you too?" I don't know why I got so angry. Maybe the side affects were already affecting me. I spoke again before Finn could respond. The air was tense now. I shouldn't have mentioned him. "Look...I'm sorry I snapped at you I just- I don't know. Maybe those side affects are already kicking in."



I glanced over at Finn who had a guilty look painted on his face. "I know what you're going to say. Shut up. It wasn't your fault."



"Yeah but they obviously thought I played enough of a roll to mention me." He muttered.



"If I can't blame myself then you sure as hell can't blame yourself. Besides, you did save my fine ass." I was greeted with silence. I awaited a joke but it never came. I turned my head and raised an eyebrow at him. "No comments about my 'fine ass'?"



"I think it's a little too soon for those types of jokes." He commented while getting off the freeway.



"Finn. I just want to be treated normal." I said while slumping into my seat. "Don't over think it. Soon everyone I talk to is going to treat me like I'm glass. Finn, I trust you. Just say what's on your mind. I'm not going to get over it if you dance around it."



"It happened five hours ago! Besides, I wouldn't call it something you 'get over'...." he hesitated as he turned the car into my driveway. Finn cut the engine of my Jeep and looked into my eyes.



"You know what I mean. Where is your car, by the way?" I asked while pulling my eyebrows together.



"Chris drove me to the game. I told him I was going to catch a ride home with you, hence why I was still there. Good thing I banked on you having no plans..." I smiled slightly as his half jab at the end but the silence held the bitter truth of what would have come after if he continued.



I might have been beaten and raped to death, left to bleed out with no one to help me.



I looked up again to meet his emerald orbs. "Thank you, Finn. I mean it."



"I know you do. No let's get you inside. It's late."



I didn't argue as he grabbed my phone and the bottle of prescription pain killers from the center console. By the time I was slowly climbing out of the Jeep, Finn was by my side to help me. I thought about waving him off because of my pride, but the feeling in my uterus stopped me. I felt like Jack had tried to claw me a new one. My throat burned like a mother fucker and probably looked like I survived a strangulation attempt. Those bruises would be bad.



He helped me to my room and sat me on my bed before digging out a T-shirt and a new pair of underwear. "I'm assuming you can drink since they sent you home. Did they say anything about food?"



"I'm living off protein shakes and water for the next week. But I'm not hungry or in the mood to try and drink something." My pills were about the biggest thing I could swallow and even water caused me excruciating stinging. It wasn't too extreme to function but it was enough to make me not want to attempt it. Luckily, Ryan hadn't strangled me too hard or my life would be looking a lot more miserable right now.



Finn handed me the clothes and I hobbled into the bathroom with his help before turning to face him, "Go get yourself some food. I know you're hungry."



When I finished up getting ready for bed, Finn was waiting at my desk having just finished eating something. I knew because I had heard the microwave a few minutes ago. He stood from the desk when he saw that I was getting into my bed.



"I'm going to sleep in the guest bedroom. You shouldn't be alone right now." He said and started to head for the door but I stopped him.



"Can you stay with me?" I asked in a quiet voice. I sounded so weak and I hated myself for it.



Finn looked me up and down hesitantly before relenting. He turned off the light and pulled his shirt over his head, leaving him in his clean pair of lacrosse shorts. Finn climbed into the bed beside me like we had done numerous times before, but he made no move to put his arm around me.



"Can you stay with me?" I asked in a quiet voice. I sounded so weak and I hated myself for it.



If I had to bet, he was probably recalling that a few hours ago, I flinched away from his touch. I didn't mean to; it just happened. I hope he knew that it had nothing to do with him personally.



Regardless, I wanted his comfort and to let him know that I needed him. My left hand gently took his arm and draped it over my waist like usual.



"I'm not broken, you know." I whispered.



His arm tightened around me and pulled me back into his chest.



"I know."