Chapter 37

I don't know how long I layed in bed with Finn's naked body against mine. One thing was for sure, after going at it for two hours, I was spent. One hour with Finn was like three hours with anyone else. This man knew what he was going.





It was peaceful after. Neither of us said anything, he just held me to his chest as we laid there thinking. I thought about a variety of things. The fact that I was going to the Olympics, the sex I just had, my upcoming English exam; but mostly the sex I just had.



After a lot of contemplating, I had to bring it up. "What kind of sex did we just have?" The question sounded dumb but it was important.



"Um. The sex kind?" Finn said in a confused voice. His chest vibrated against my cheek soothingly.



"Stop making that stupid face." I didn't even have to see him to know he was making and 'are you stupid' face. "You know what I mean. One night stand sex? Romantically involved sex? Friends with benefits sex?" I squeezed romantic into the middle on purpose so it didn't hang in the air. I was sure that I wanted Finn romantically after that first kiss hours ago.



His thumb stoped moving on my back and that scared me. "Is this your way of asking if I want a relationship?" I didn't respond after a few seconds so he continued, much to my relief and pleasure. "Honestly, I want something more but I just didn't act on it. I was going to but then; you know....."



"You can be blunt about it. It's the truth. You did it in the office. I don't see the problem with saying it to my face." I said in a soft voice while intertwining my hand with his. We layed in silence for another moment before I spoke up again. "Why'd you kiss me? Now, I mean."



"I don't know. I was happy. Maybe I saw a bit of hope that we'd be together longer. If you're asking why I didn't kiss you those other two times, it just wasn't the right moment. I had just been forgiven and the other time you'd just been raped." The hand that wasn't intertwined with mine laid on my hip, with Finn rubbing his thumb back and forth lazily. "Why did you let me have sex with you? I saw that thing with Cameron at the beach."



"Would you leave it at that if I said you were better looking?" I smiled at the ceiling.



"As much as that would appease my ego," He said with a smirk in his voice before stopping. Finn's hand untangled from mine and found my left arm as he slid my upper body off of his chest and onto the bed gently. Finn leaned on his elbow so he was facing me. I took the que and proped up on my left elbow. "Sylvia, why me and not him?" He repeated.



I looked him dead in the eyes as I said it. "Because I like you and I trust you." My tone was soft but affirmative. I looked away from his intense gaze and found my eyes trained on the white ceiling as I laid back down again. "I don't want you to think 'oh my God. What have I just gotten myself into' but I feel like now sex is a little different for me. It hasn't been too long since the rape, but I feel like I have to trust a person to have sex with them. I don't think I'll ever be able to go have one night stands like I did before, unless I know and feel comfortable with person. It doesn't have to mean anything, but I need to know them. It's weird. I just feel anxious around people I don't know in general now."



I felt Finn's fingers touch my jaw and turn my head to face his. "It's not weird. Although, I won't object to the not having one night stands part."



A smile pulled the the corners of my mouth and I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Why would that be?"



A smile of his own found its way to his face. "Sylvia, I have more feelings for you than I have for anyone else in my life. Will you be my girlfriend?"



I didn't even need to respond, my smile was so big as I leaned up and kissed him. It was much less aggressive than before but it was somehow more intoxicating. Finn kissed me back without hesitation. His hand rose to my jaw and cupped my face.



Finn pulled away for a second. "I'm assuming that's a yes?"



"Yes, you fool." I laughed and pulled him back on top of me. His hands were on either side of my head and he leaned down to kiss me. Finn's lips pressed against mine slowly and moved with a slow pace. This must be what a relationship with Finn was like. It wasn't always fast paced and sex driven, he had a sweet side and that thought made my insides tingle. I had seen his soft side when I was down, but never like this. I liked it. I liked it, a lot.



When he pulled away, we looked into each others eyes for a few moments. I could stay like this forever. Our bodies pressed together with thought of anything else far in the distance. The only thing that mattered was us.



A smile broke out on my face and my eyes went slightly wider. "We're going to Tokyo! Holy shit; we're in the fucking Olympics!" My hands wrapped around his muscular arms.



Finn laughed and rolled off of me before we both sat up, my white comforter pooling around our waists. He ran his hand through his gorgeous dirty blond hair that was still perfect, despite the two strands hanging over his forehead. "Did that just hit you?" He smirked. "I know my God-like body is distracting but get a grip-"



I cut him off my hitting his arm forcefully. He laughed and rubbed his arm when I had left a red mark. I bit my lip in thought. "Do you think the Olympic Association will let me compete?"



"I'm going to be blunt with you like I always have been. If they don't let you play that's a damn mistake. You're a better player than a majority of us and you're stronger. The teams going to fight for you and you're going to fight for yourself. I think you'll get to play, or else they wouldn't have even considered you. Competing or not; you're going to Tokyo with us, even if I have to make you my plus one."



"Hopefully it doesn't come to that."



"It won't."



My eyes met his again when I spoke. "Finn, I obviously really want to be with you, but I want to keep this a secret. Just until we get our college offers in writing." I spoke hesitantly while trying to reassure him. This probably wasn't the best conversation to be having on day one of our relationship.



Finn was an understanding man and I was thankful for that when he responded. "You don't need to explain it. I know how it looks to date a teammate." He paused for a second. Finn's lips pursed before he finally spit it out. "Be honest with me. I won't be offended, I just want to understand. Does this have something to do with your rape?"



My brows furrowed and I looked at Finn with surprise. "What? No. I'm not doing this because of what happened. I'm doing this because I have feelings for you and I have had them for a while, I just don't want to be that girl before I get accepted into college."



"I know we haven't talked about it since it happened, but I just want to make sure you know I'm here." He whispered. Finn's hand trailed over mine before interlocking our fingers. I leaned my head on his shoulder and replied softly.



"You the only one I've talked with about it. I know you're there. I'm just trying to move on."



"How have you been healing?" He asked. I hadn't brought up my nightmares or even my physical state since that day in the principles office. I knew Finn was only asking because he cared, but I couldn't help but feel like he felt obligated to ask. Despite that thought, I answered him honestly.



"Well my bruises are gone and my vagina doesn't scream in agony when I move so that's an improvement. My throat hurts sometimes but it's nothing to be concerned about." Finn's heavy arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me into him even more. I loved when he did that. "I still get nightmares. Then again, it's only been a few weeks. I can't exactly expect them to disappear. I saw the guidance counselor as a mandatory. She said the nightmares might never go away."



My eyes watered at the thought but I didn't let the tears fall. I had spent enough time wallowing in misery and I didn't want to go back there. I was scared of going back there. "I think the scariest thing is knowing they're out there. It's something I can't help but I still worry."



Finn's hand started to move up and down my arm slowly in an attempt to comfort me. He didn't even need to try, his presence had a calming effect on me. I think it had less to do with my feelings towards him and more to do with the fact that he saved me. I hate to romanticize the lowest point in my life, but it seemed that that moment bonded us. Similarly to if two people survive a tragedy, they are likely to be close after.



"Being alone with men I don't know scares the crap out of me." I whispered lower then I had ever spoken. Any person could rape me like Jack did, regardless of gender or age but my subconscious still made me fear men more.



Finn didn't know what to say to that. There was no amount of comforting that he could do to fix this. There was no cure for fear and no solution to anxiety. No logic could trick my traumatized brain into believing that I was safe.



"It's strange for me. All I've ever known is having guy friends. Sleeping with whoever I wanted, the sexual jokes, the partying, the desensitized attitudes, just the mannerisms. I've been like that my whole life and now it seems like I don't know anything. Like every single thing I am used to is tainted and poisoned by something I can't fix." My eyes were watering but I didn't cry. I wouldn't.



"Have you thought about talking to someone? Like a psychologist? I want to help you, but I don't know how to." Finn admitted. He sounded almost sorry for it, like it was his fault.



"This is going to sound stupid, but I don't want to see a psychologist. I went to one once last week and I hated it. I just want to hope it gets better on its own. It has to." I tried to convince myself. If Finn didn't believe me then he didn't let onto it. He just let me hold onto that little hope I had that everything will magically fix itself.



"Why do you trust me so much? I know I've given you every reason not too."



"You were there for me after our first game; granted you were an asshole after but you redeemed yourself." I pushed him with my shoulder playfully. I didn't have to see his face to know he had rolled his eyes at me. "We get along well so it was kind of hard not to forgive you when we're basically attached at the hip; wanted or unwanted. I think we bonded on that Atlanta trip. I think a big part of it wasn't just that you saved me. Anyone could have done that; it was that you stayed with me even after I told you to leave. In retrospect I think that's how I know you care so much." My voice was soft at the end.



I didn't like Finn because he saved me. I liked Finn because he cared enough to stay with me even after I tried to force him to leave and was cold to him. I liked him because our personalities mixed and I knew we got along. We had similar hobbies, interests, goals, etc. It made it easy to want to be with him. Once you got through Finn's asshole exterior, he really was a sweet guy.



I twisted my head off his chest and looked up at him to give him a kiss. It felt amazing to be able to do that. It made my stomach flip, I was like a giddy teenage girl.



I stood from the bed and redressed (minus the shirt because it was downstairs). Finn got up and put his clothes back on too. I opened my bedroom door and walked into the hallway before Finn asked, "What are you doing?"



I smiled cockily as I responded, "Going to read the letter telling me that I am the best center defender in the United States."



A smile broke out on Finn's face as he let out a breath of air as if to say 'unbelievable' while he shook his head back and forth.



Either way, he happily followed me downstairs.