Chapter 9

We beat New Canaan 3-1. I was ecstatic yesterday because my defense plan actually worked. It wasn't perfect, but we managed to stop the game from being a high scoring one. Believe it or not, I scored a goal while Finn stayed back behind the restraining line. I think he just wanted me to prove myself to Buzzcut and Coleman. I wouldn't complain though. It was a solid goal. Finn and Chris also scored one each.





Despite the tense relationship between Finn and I, we managed to give each other half smiles when we won. Sam came over after the game and we celebrated with pizza and beer. It put me in a good mood for the rest of the night and well into the next day.



That was until I showed up at school of course.



I had just dropped my shit in the lacrosse locker room and was going to my school locker when I noticed a crowd of people looking at something near mine. When I got to my locker and pushed through some people, my heart stopped.



On my locker the words 'SLUT' and 'WHORE' were painted in black letters but it got worse. There were pictures taped to my locker and the two on either side. Those are what made my heart drop.



One was a picture of me shirtless during practice which didn't even matter. A picture from yesterday of Finn holding my shoulder and whispering in my ear and one of Sam doing the same thing. All innocent unless you had a preconceived notion. There were multiple of me giving Finn a lap dance that came from a distance so I knew it wasn't taken by someone in our group. Those weren't even the worst of it, though.



There were pictures from California. Ones that only one other person would have seen. Ones that made me want to give up.



One was a picture of my ass and the other of my boobs with my lips in the frame. There was a picture of me, naked in a bed with covers only covering half my breasts. There were others too, ones of my bare breasts that I had sent in confidence. Worst of all, there were two pictures from the same day. One of me in a camo T-shirt and ripped jeans being pushed against my Jeep and kissed by my ex boyfriend. The other was a picture of me with my friend who grabbed my ass to be funny. This was way out of context.



The picture that made it all to clear what this was for was the one of a broken lacrosse stick with the handwriting scrawled across it that read 'stick to dick not sticks'. Whoever did this didn't want me playing lacrosse. I already had a gut feeling about the perpetrator.



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I couldn't think anymore. I didn't even know some of these pictures existed in the first place. My heart was pounding and I could feel eyes turning to me. This is the type of thing that would stop me from getting a scholarship.



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Instinctively my hand covered my mouth and my eyes watered but I didn't cry. Instead I turned and walked out of the school in the calmest fashion I could. Chris and Al could be heard in the background calling for me while I heard Sam and Finn herding people away. I don't care, I needed to be alone.



The first period bell rang but I kept walking until I was alone on the terf field. I dropped my bag and dialed an all too familiar number. The phone rang twice before it was answered by a deep voice.



"Hey. Why are you ca-"



"You mother fucking son of a bitch! What the hell have I ever done to you!" I screamed, not caring of someone heard and thought I was crazy. "I swear to fucking god, Andy. If you sent my nudes to someone I will personally see to it that you rot in jail, you mother fucker!" I seethed. I didn't care if our relationship ended amicably. Right now, Andy was public enemy number one.



"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked. Not angry; but surprised. He always balanced out my hot headedness.



"My nudes are posted all over my fucking school. Only you had them. Some of them I didn't even know were taken. You took pictures of me in bed? And why the hell are there pictures of us making out?" The fire in my voice died midway and it turned into a shaky tone on the verge of a break down.



"Babe. I swear to god my phone got hacked but I don't know why there are pictures of us together. I took one of you in bed. I'm sorry. I don't know this would happen." Andy was always good to me but I broke it off because I was moving. I couldn't see why he would do this and for some reason I believed him. I knew that if I stayed on the phone I might even forgive him. That couldn't happen so I hung up without responding.



I felt so betrayed but I didn't know who to feel betrayed by. I gripped my phone so hard it could have crushed under the pressure. After a moment the lacrosse ball in my backpack found its way to my hand and across the field as I screamed in anger. The ball almost hit a car arriving at school late but it flew right over the moving hood.



"Vandalism is a crime you know." I turned around to see Finn standing there with his hands in his pockets.



"I'm not in the mood, Riley. Leave me the fuck alone. Incase you haven't noticed, I'm in the middle of having my life completely obliterated." I sat down against a chain link fence that lined the field and leaned back. Finn was here but the tears fell down my cheeks anyway. There were only one or two but it was enough to make me feel better.



I put my head in my hands. Finn sat down next to me, our legs and arms touching. He too, leaned back against the fence. "Sorry. That was a little blunt. You know what was on your locker isn't true right? Those were all premeditated situations. Anyone who knows you doesn't believe it."



"It doesn't matter what the people I know think. It matters if someone important sees it. What do you mean 'was'? They're still there for everyone to see." I said hopelessly.



I heard Finn shuffle through something but I didn't look up until I felt something sharp nudge me. My eyes saw it was the corner of a stack of pictures. Those pictures. My eyes trailed back to Finn who weakly smiled. "Sam and I took them down as fast as we could."



"Thanks." I whispered. Despite myself, I shuffled through them again one by one. Finn's green eyes burned holes in me but it didn't matter. I had bigger problems then feeling inferior for ten minutes or Finn seeing my nudes.



I stopped at the photo of me naked in bed with only a sheet covering my nipples. It was the corner of the blanket so the rest of my chest and abdomen were exposed until the picture cut of right above my navel. At least my face looked good. I almost snorted to myself. That's one hell of a consolation in this mess.



"I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be mad at." I whispered. Finn was only here because he was captain of the team and it was his job to make sure I was okay. Besides, this is directly related to my position on his team. He was probably biting his tongue so hard right now, trying desperately not to call me out for being an idiot and a whore. "I didn't know any of these existed. Except for the two I took, obviously. Not my brightest moment." I admired guiltily.



"Do you think it was whoever you were just talking to on the phone?" He asked gently.



"No. He was such a nice guy. We were friends. I couldn't imagine it. But then again he did take at least one of them. It had to someone from New Canaan or someone from here."



It was silent for a moment. I stared out at the field in front of us and he looked at the pictures he was in. Maybe he knew. Or maybe he was actually trying to help. This feminized me to his team again. Something he doesn't want.



"It doesn't matter who did it. Everyone's already seen them. You just got to keep your chin up. You know what they said isn't true and your friends know it isn't true. That's all that matters." He sounded sincere. I hoped he was.



My voice cracked. "How am I supposed to walk with my chin up when everyone's seen me naked? What if this gets out to the colleges I'm looking at? My life could be over." Another tear fell down my left cheek. Finn's eyes felt like weights on my shoulders. I shuffled through those dreaded photos over agin. My brain was convinced that if I moved them around enough, they would just disappear. It wasn't working.



I stopped shuffling on the picture of my full bare breasts and my lips. The weight of Finn's eyes flickered off of me for a second as he eyed the picture. As crazy as it sounded, I wished he would just look at my nudes instead because when his eyes returned to me, the weight was even more than before.



"It's obvious you didn't take most of those pictures. Most of those were in private or were exadurated for high school drama. If colleges care then that's shitty victim blaming. Look, if you care so much about it then I'll drive you home for today. It will die down."



I couldn't help but feel the impulse to ask where Sam was. I needed a hug and I doubt Finn would give it to me. The only time we ever touched was that lap dance and when we spotted each other during work outs. "Where's Sam?"



Finn let out a slow breath. He probably though I'd be mad at him. "I told him I had it handled. You know I don't particularly like you so I figured my honest opinion made you feel better. Figured you would know it wasn't sugar coated. Besides, I'm your team captain. Had to make sure that you're okay."



We were silent again for a moment. My eyes ran over his sculpted face. His mouth was turned down slightly with sympathy and his eyebrows drawn together in worry. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before facing the field again. "I know we can't really tolerate each other let alone like one another but, I could use a hug right about now."



He didn't respond with words. Instead he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. His other arm wrapped around my front and he rubbed circles with his thumb on my outer hip. It felt like a nice, warm, weighted blanket that calmed everyone down. I loved it. Finn's warm chest was pressed against my cheek. Somehow his hard pectorals were comfortable. I just sat there and let him hold me in silence. It didn't feel awkward.



I don't think Finn and I have actually had an awkward moment. We both were always so focused on showing up the other one that we never lingered on awkward tension.



I realized that Finn was probably right. If Sam was here I wouldn't have believed a word he said because he was my friend. If there was one thing about Finn that I could trust, it was his brutal honesty.



I'm not sure how long I sat there with him pressed against me, thinking about how everyone viewed me, but it was a long time. Finn didn't say a word the entire time. There were moments when my breathing would get faster and I would be on the verge of breaking down and he would hold me tighter. No matter how much distain I had for him, I couldn't deny that he helped me a lot today.



"Do you want to go hide from administrators in the weight room? Maybe get in a little workout?" I mumbled after a while.



"Sure." His voice was horse from sitting in silence for so long. His chest vibrates against my head when he spoke. Finn slowly let his warm and comforting arms drop and I stood up. I helped him up with my hand and we slung our bags over our shoulders.



"Thanks for this, Finn. I needed it."



He opened his mouth to reply when I heard an all too dreaded voice behind me.



I'm not sure how long I sat there with him pressed against me, thinking about how everyone viewed me, but it was a long time. Finn didn't say a word the entire time. There were moments when my breathing would get faster and I would be on the verge of breaking down and he would hold me tighter. No matter how much distain I had for him, I couldn't deny that he helped me a lot today.



"Ms. Mason! Mr. Riley! Get into my office now!"