Chapter 61

Phoenix

I don't know how to handle this. I'm standing here...feeling lost. I've never been in a relationship before, I've never...loved someone. I don't know what to say to her to make her understand the depth of my feelings. Hell, I'd even get on my knees and beg for her forgiveness if that's what she wants.

Anything for her.

She sits lightly on the edge of our bed, gazing up at me with a blank expression. The silence between us is suffocating. I almost wish she'd yell at me or cry—anything would be better than this emptiness. I know how to handle, but this? This is foreign territory.

Not knowing where to start, I nervously rub the back of my neck, starting to pace back and forth in the room, stopping every few seconds to glance at her.

Fuck. Why is this so hard?

Why did Kate have to fuck everything up?

Taking a deep breath, I force the wall between my emotions and her to come down, letting her feel the emotions I've been struggling to suppress since the whole incident happened. If I can't find the right words, I need her to feel exactly how much she means to me.

Her eyes widen slightly, a small indication that she can feel what I'm feeling, but she still doesn't say anything.

Shit. Here goes nothing.

"What you saw back at the club—it wasn't what it looked like," I begin, my voice strained. "Yeah, I used to have sex with her, but it was only when I was stressed..." I trail off, realizing how bad that must sound and I immediately backtrack. "I just mean that my relationship with her was purely physical. She means nothing to me, and I haven't even slept with her in a long time."

I sit down beside her, gently placing my hand on her knee. "We all have a past, little wolf. We can't change it. The only thing we can control is the present and the future. If I had met you back then, I swear, I would never have touched another woman."

Still, she says nothing, so I keep going, desperate to reach her. "I don't even know what that was. It's like she was paid off or something, just to cause a scene and make you angry at me—"

"I'm not angry, Phoenix," Selene interjects softly.

She lowers the mental block, allowing me to feel what she's feeling, and she's right. What I sense isn't anger—it's hurt and embarrassment.

I grab her hand, brushing my thumb gently across her knuckles. "If you're not angry, then talk to me, little wolf. Tell me what's wrong, so we can fix it together. I understand why you walked out before, you needed some space to think and both of us were upset. But I don't want that to become our regular pattern. I want to learn how to communicate in a healthy way, I want to be a better man for you."

Her breath catches, and she looks up at me with tears welling in her eyes. "Me neither, and I want to be better for you too," she whispers. "I just..."

When she trails off, I raise my eyebrows, gently urging her. "What is it?" I ask in a soft voice.

She sighs, sitting up a little straighter. "Sorry, this is hard for me," she admits. " I-I live a pretty introverted life, Phoenix. Our lives are so different, and I want to try to get used to it, but it's just a lot. I didn't think we'd both be dealing with jealous exes at the same time, or whatever she was to you, but this feels...insane."

I silently nod in understanding, letting her continue.

I want her to keep talking, keep communicating her feelings to me.

This is how a real relationship is supposed to be. I don't have any experience with a real one, but I can just sense that this feels right. And it makes me feel good that she's expressing herself.

"I don't want to be mocked to my face by your past conquests," she says, her voice trembling. "Her behavior was so gross, and if that's what you like...I don't even know what to say about it. I'm never going to grab your dick in public, or cause scenes like that. That just isn't me."

I feel slightly offended by that, but I had it coming. Kate was my type at one point, but she wasn't that out there. Not like she was tonight.

"I don't want that either," I tell her honestly.

Selene averts her gaze to the floor. "She made me feel ashamed, Phoenix. Just because I'm not as experienced as her doesn't mean I'm not a real woman. I'm not ashamed of my lack of experience. Sure, I've only been with two guys in my entire life, and of course, I wish I knew more. I wish I had enough experience to..." Her cheeks turn red with embarrassment, and she trails off, unable to finish her statement.

What is she saying? That she doesn't think she's good enough for me because of Kate?

"Enough experience to do what?" I demand, but she only shakes her head, swallowing hard.

I cup her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. "Is my little wolf doubting herself? Are you starting to think you're not satisfying me enough?" I ask, my voice softening as I tilt my head to the side. "Please don't shut down on me. I like this, you telling me how you feel. I need to know so that I can fix it."

But she doesn't even need to know say it out loud for me to know how she feels. I can feel the self doubt, the uncertainty washing over me.

Something twists in my stomach. I had a part in this. Not for the run-in at the club, but for not reassuring her right then and there that she is it for me. That women like Kate were my past, but Selene is my one and only future.