Chapter Sixteen Estera Roberts’ POV (Present Time: A Few Hours Before)

With all the test results Ameera requested for Bennedith, I already knew where the Appendix was, right at the lower abdomen to the right corner of his stomach. I deftly made an incision about three inches over the area, examining the surrounding area of the appendix, making sure there were no other problems that I needed to deal with.
And I thought the patient was quite lucky to have come in at the time he did, the appendix was ready to rapture. I freed the appendix from its mesenteric attachment to the colon, cut out the appendix, and sewed over the hole in the colon. But before I sewed the incision I said, “Irrigation.” and a nurse stepped over to pour gentamicin-saline over the area I had worked on, to clean the area, making sure there were no bubbles and cleaning the debris left by the surgery. The extra precaution was to prevent Intra-abdominal abscesses or any kind of infection after the surgery. When she stepped back I closed the incision.
Checking the time on the wall clock directly across from me. I noted the time and saw that it didn’t take me more than twenty minutes. A few minutes of respite from the unexpected and terribly confusing kiss Cole gave me. I am one of those beings who tends to keep calm under pressure. And my work often serves as a means of escape. I have the ability to empty my mind when enclosed in these four walls. The most important thing to me was always ensuring my patient woke up after I have done my part. I let out a soft sigh.
I had done everything I could to avoid getting to this point with him and now he had gone and done it. As if my life wasn’t complicated enough. I bit down on the corner of my lips under my surgical mask and step back from the patient, giving the nurse room to clean up the mess.
“Well done, Doctor,” one of the nurses said and I raised my eyes to give her a blank stare, then nodded.
“I believe you can take it from here?” I said automatically.
“Of course, Doctor Roberts,” she replied. I gave her a curt nod and exited the room.
I found I wasn’t the only one that was unusually quiet on our way back to the apartment. Each one of us seemed to be lost in our heads. I wanted to be able to tell the girls about Cole and his arresting kiss. But I was acutely aware that no matter his interest in me, he was still my boss and mentor.
He was the one who taught me the practical aspect of surgery and had taken me underhand right from the first day I walked into Memorial Hospital. I even overheard one of the other physicians saying he was the reason why I was allowed to assist in most major surgeries earlier than expected, and that he kept recommending me to the other senior physicians.
Now, letting it get out that his interest in me had developed beyond expected would make people start to question his judgment where I was concerned. And I suspected that was why he always kept his distance from me inside the hospital walls unless we had a case to solve together. I took a glance at my friends, imagining Ameera’s reaction if I were to blurt it out. She turned in my direction and held my gaze.
“What?” she said with a curious smile.
“Nothing. I was just thinking what a kick-ass team we are going to make tonight,” I lied.
“Yeah? A real kick-ass,” she repeated sarcastically. I chuckled. Ashley nudged her on the shoulder and she chuckled.
“Don’t jinx it,” Ashley muttered, sounding tired.
I had expected to crash on my bed after having a thorough bath and wearing sexy lingerie I had purchased specially for the event but instead I laid on the bed just staring at the ceiling unable to sleep as planned, letting the scene with Cole play over and over in my head. I glanced at my phone that I placed on my nightstand, thinking about speaking to him about it, and yet stopped myself before I could.
Returning my gaze to the ceiling, I folded my arms against my chest. If I broach the subject with him, it might give room to some questions I was not ready to answer or might dredge up feelings I wasn’t ready to confront.
The fact that I feel a tad guilty as if I had not only emotionally cheated but physically done so proved to me that dragging Cole into my mess would be most cruel. Something inside me warned me of my presumptuousness. What if the thing between Cole and I was just a meaningless physical attraction and nothing serious? What if all he wanted was sex.
‘If that was it, then I have nothing to be worried about,’ I thought with my eyes darting in their sockets. Except for the simple problem that I was somewhat inexperienced in that department. I sighed. And even entertaining the thought of letting Cole be my first made me feel extremely weird inside.
‘He is your past, Estera. You are no longer his,’ a voice sounded in my head. My eyes smarted with tears as I let out a shaky laugh. “He may have even forgotten I exist,” I muttered and my heart clenched painfully.
“You are mine… mine, Estera, do you understand! You ever let any other man touch you, I swear I will surely be sent to jail for murder!”
His intense passionate voice echoed in my head, haunting me. My shoulders shook as I cried. ‘No! I know he will never forget me, wherever he is—’ I thought. ‘Then how come he never came for you, Estera?’ That rational part of me asked the crushing question that I have always refused to acknowledge. ‘Perhaps like his father implied, you were insignificant…’ the voice taunted. Uncontrollable tears streamed down the corners of my eyes.
“Maybe it is time to move on—” I said in a shaky tone, then picked an extra pillow to bury my face in, muffling my sobs. Crying for the love I found and lost, snatched from me when I was happiest.