Chapter 17

Amanda Pov.
I get mixed feelings every time I'm around Ron. In the morning when I was with him in the basement I could hardly breathe.
I had to find a reason not to be around him until I figured out what was wrong with me. From the first kiss with him, I feel all kinds of things. The fear of losing him became greater. And until now I was afraid of losing him, but somehow I knew it was because of the care I take for him. But now...it's like it's something more. It's something that doesn't connect with what I know I feel for him.
Besides that, I also noticed some changes in Ron's behavior towards me. It's like he's a lot more sensitive with me, and it's like he finds a reason for anything to touch me. Sometimes he kisses my forehead, sometimes he caresses my face... I'm no stranger to his touches, but lately they're much more frequent than in the past.
Or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me and nothing has actually changed in the dynamics of our friendship.
-Amanda? I hear an unfamiliar voice and turn to see who is calling me. OMG. It's really you.
The guy, who looks about my age, hugs me and I don't know how to react.
-Um...Hello. Excuse me, but... Do I know you somehow? I ask uncertainly.
Maybe he's confusing me with another Amanda...
I don't think I've ever met such a…attractive guy. And tall.
I think I'm going to break my neck if I keep looking at it.
-You're joking right? I'm Roger. Your high school roommate from chemistry class.
My jaw I think is touching the sand on the beach, my mouth is so open.
Of course I know him... In high school, I had a crush on him. And that's the only secret I have from Ron.
-Wow... I say without shame. I mean, you've changed a lot. Very much. Were you always this tall? I ask and we both start laughing.
-I'm not that tall. You are too small. He says and I pretend to be hurt, putting my palm to my heart. Jokes aside, you haven't changed at all.
-Unlike you…
-What are you doing?
-I went to the beach with a friend. He went to buy some ice cream, then we'll probably go for a walk. I answer quickly, looking after Ron.
Did he go to Antarctica for ice cream? Where is it?
- Great... It was good to see you. Who knows?! Maybe we meet again. He says winking at me and I just nod my head in agreement with a wave as he walks away from me.
Unbelievable how much some people can change...I haven't changed at all since high school and I don't know if it's for good or bad, but I've accepted the fact that not everyone is blessed by Mother Nature with beauty.
But still…Roger was hot in high school, but now he's…the icing on the cake.
-Who was that guy? I hear Ron behind me and startle a little in surprise.
Since when did he become so quiet?
-A former high school classmate. I answer him and take the ice cream from his hand. Thank Heaven you arrived with the ice cream. I thought you got lost somewhere.
-What did he want? Your former colleague.
-Nothing. He saw me and wanted to say hello. I didn't recognize him. A lot has changed since high school.
-Ahem... How exactly has it changed?
What are all these questions?
-What is this?
-What?
-What we are doing now. I say pointing between us.
-We are discussing.
-Nay. It's an interrogation. I say and take him for a walk on the beach enjoying the pleasant sea breeze.
- I was just curious. How do I know it's not some idiot picking on you?!
I get the point, but I feel like he wants to control me. I don't think I would like to be controlled.
-Hey, where are you running to? He asks grabbing my arm, stopping me from doing anything else.
Now I really think there is something in between. I'm sure Ron is hiding something from me and I think it has to do with me.
-Ron, what's going on with you? I ask him sincerely worried for him.
He steps back and frees my arm by putting his hands in the pockets of his shorts.
-What you mean?
-You act as if you are afraid of something and you don't want to talk to me.
Ron stares at me for a few moments and I think he's gone into a trance, but then when he swears almost under his breath, I wait patiently to hear his answer.
- I've been in love with you, woman, for so long, and you don't realize it. He bursts out at me, surprising me, and I drop the ice cream from my hand.
-Here you go…?
-Of course I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll lose you. I'm afraid that someone will appear in your life and you will leave me. I'm afraid you don't feel the same way about me.
-Ron...
-You see, Amanda... I'm afraid of a lot of things, but they all have you as a common denominator.
-Ron, this is... It's so wrong.
-What's wrong? Why does it have to be wrong?
-Because you always told me that for you I am like a younger sister. In theory, it's like liking your sister. It is wrong.
-Amanda.
-Not. I don't want to hear anything more. I say quickly, then pull away from him.
-Where are you going?
- I want to be alone for a while. I answer him over my shoulder, putting more and more distance between us.
His words echo in my mind and I try to understand them. Hell, I'm even trying to figure out when he started feeling all this for me.
Ron is a very rare person on this earth. He's someone anyone would want as a friend, but…But right now I feel very cheated.
The way he feels about me is roughly how I started to feel about him a few days ago, but…
Oh God…I'm in love with Ron and I didn't realize it until now.
-Hey! Amanda! I hear a voice and turn my head to see Roger waving at me.
What the hell?
I wave to him too and see him running towards me.
-We are playing beach volleyball and we need one more person. are you getting in?
Well...I have nothing to lose.