Chapter 30

Amanda Pov.
-Talk to me, Amanda? Did they touch you? Ron asks me again and I look at him scared.
What could I say to him? That their hands roamed my body? That even though they haven't moved on, I still feel dirty?
-Ron... I say and tears flood my eyes. The answer to your question is yes and no.
I can see him seething with anger next to me and I can see him trying to hide it, but I still don't feel better.
-What is that supposed to mean? He asks me and I wipe my cheeks with tears.
-Their hands touched my body, but it was nothing more than that.
He runs his hands over his face then stares at a fixed point on the floor.
-How do you know this?
-I went to a gynecological consultation. All is well.
- There is nothing good, Amanda. Tests are never accurate.
Until now I haven't felt horrified by the harsh truth about myself, but now I realize that Ron knows nothing about my sex life.
Oh God...Now I really want to disappear.
-Say something, for God's sake. He yelled at me and I flinched.
-I'm a virgin. I whisper and he turns his attention to me.
-Here you go?
Is this man for real?!
-I'm a virgin. I say something louder this time, and his eyes widen like onions.
This is exactly the reaction I have always avoided when it came to my sex life. People cannot fathom the idea that a woman in her twenties can still be a virgin.
He is silent for a few moments then stands up from the edge of the bed preparing to leave the room. It seems to me that he is at a loss for words and therefore decides to leave.
Really?! He pulls my tongue and I tell him this big secret and he says nothing?
-If you need me, just call me. He says and leaves the room.
I look at the door and try to get rid of the lump in my throat. I look at the clock and see that it is midnight.
Great… Simply great.
My stomach starts making hellish noises and I realize I haven't eaten anything today.
In fact, I can't remember the last time I ate.
With all the embarrassment I feel, I work up the courage to leave the bedroom and go to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. When I open the bedroom door, my eyes fall straight on Ron who is watching something on TV with his arms outstretched on the back of the armchair. He turns his head, looking over his shoulder and time I think stops for a few tens of seconds.
Come on Amanda...Go on.
I take a deep breath and head towards the kitchen.
-Do you want me to prepare something for you too? I'm just asking him to make conversation.
-There's no need.
okay…
I open the fridge and decide to make myself a sandwich.
After removing all the ingredients, I remember the night I was kidnapped. And then I ate the exact same thing.
Damn, Amanda. Snap out.
My hands start to shake and I take a deep breath to calm myself down.
- Do you want to see a movie? Ron says from the kitchen doorway and I let out a small yelp.
- Yes, sure... I can't sleep anyway. I answer him quickly, calming myself down.
I can tell by the way he's looking at me that he's seen it all, but I'm grateful he doesn't bring up my tremors.
- I will make popcorn, and you will choose the movie, ok? I say, putting the ingredients for the sandwich in the fridge, giving up on making it and I start preparing the popcorn after Ron tells me where to find it.
Ten minutes later I'm next to Ron with a bowl of popcorn and he's playing the movie.
-Hey...Kissing Booth? I like what you chose. I say excitedly, and he makes himself more comfortable in the armchair by placing an arm behind my back, on the back of the armchair.
I know he doesn't like rom-coms at all and chose this movie just for me, but I'm glad he decided to watch it with me.
The movie doesn't start well and I'm already bursting out laughing because of the naivety of the female lead. In fact, I'm laughing so hard I drop some popcorn on the carpet.
Ron finds it funny how I manage to teleport into the action of the movie and feel him watching me.
An hour later, Ron is dozing off in the armchair and I'm barely keeping my eyes open. Half an hour ago I felt my whole body tense up so I laid down next to Ron still watching the movie.
When the movie ends I'm already very tired and I can't get up from the armchair.
I will sleep here too...
I lie down on the armchair, finding a relaxing position, then close my eyes.
Ron's arm goes around my waist, pulling me closer to him and I become alert. It's the first time I sleep with a man in the same bed, in our case, in the armchair. Maybe it would be a better idea if I went to the bedroom? My mind tells me to get up from him, but my body doesn't seem to be responding to the impulses sent by my brain, and my back is pressed against Ron's chest.
Why do I do this? Ron could take all this closeness the wrong way. And yet...I feel good now that he's holding me.
-Stop thinking so much and sleep. Ron says in a sleepy voice and I bite my lip.
-Sorry... Do you want me to go to the bedroom? I ask in a whisper, which only makes our conversation seem intimate.
-Would I still hold you if I wanted you to leave? He asks me in the same tone as mine and my skin gets goosebumps, in a nice way.
A smile makes its way to my lips and I'm glad I have my back to him… He'd joke about how I love this whole situation and think it would destroy the magic I'm cocooned in.
- Good night, Amanda.
I don't answer his wish and close my eyes praying that the dream world won't teleport me back into a nightmare.