Chapter 66

"A person's day of birth determines which animal twin they are linked to,"I was reading aloud from the book on Aztec magic Kai had brought to my attention. "Not all are born with the power to become Nahualli, direct English translation; Transforming witch."Sounded perfect for me. "Those born under especially strong animal links, such as jaguar or puma, can ascend to the position of Nahualli. These sorcerers could use their Nahual for good or evil depending on their personalities. They were known to transform into their animal twin, using this form to trick or to help others. Very powerful Nahualli were said to have the ability to enslave another person's Nahual or to take it altogether, leaving an individual bereft without his link to Nature."
I peered with fascination at the pictures of men caught in mid-transformation. Had humans actually been able to do this? It's hard for me to know what to believe anymore. Five years ago, I would have assumed that the stories were referring to a symbolic change; a magical link to animal energy. Transformations would take place in a metaphysical way only. After meeting werewolves and gods who could shift into anything they wanted though, it was hard to know for sure. Could Atlanteans have given humans such an impressive ability? Or was it possible that we had it all on our own? That this was just another magic that they had stolen from us.
I flipped past the pictures and searched for information on how a Nahualli came into his power. I was hoping there was a ritual described. A hint for me to follow. I could just do some focused meditation, but it hadn't worked so well the other day when Kai and I tried it. I had a glimpse of something white and furry, but that was it. I needed a little more.
"Here we go."I scanned a page detailing a ritual used to contact your Nahual. "Offerings of tobacco and alcohol were common; left on an altar dedicated to the Nahual. Often a bowl of cornmeal, into which the supplicant's blood was dripped, was placed on the altar as a connection."
I frowned at the page. Blood was serious business in witchcraft, especially using your own. It linked you to the work in an unbreakable bond. If I did this, there was no going back. There could be serious repercussions to welcoming an animal spirit into my life. I could take on traits of that animal. I could become unpredictable, even to myself. Or I could go insane.
Then I thought of facing Blue again without any kind of edge. I didn't even have the God Squad anymore; I was back to hunting alone. Maybe howling at the Moon every now and again wouldn't be such a bad thing. It sounded better than being burnt alive by Blue's heat or becoming his blood-ho' until he got bored and sucked me dry.
I got up to gather the items I needed. All the mentioned offerings were pretty standard so I had them in stock. The alcohol was in stock for non-magical use as well. I grabbed a bottle of Tequila, which I thought was appropriate. The cornmeal was in the pantry, but I poured it into one of my wooden ritual bowls and the tobacco leaves went into another little bowl.
I lit a bundle of dried sage, shook it until the flames went out, and took the smoldering herb around the room clockwise, just to make sure there wasn't any bad energy in the room. When that was done, I created a new altar on a hat box I placed in the center of the floor and covered with a white cloth. I lit two white candles and put the offerings between them, the bowl of cornmeal in the center. Then with my athame, I closed a circle around me and the altar. I needed to be sure I was safe, especially since I'd be working with blood. My house wards were strong but an extra line of defense wouldn't hurt.
I sat in front of the altar and closed my eyes; centering myself and clearing my thoughts until they were focused on my task. Then I reached up with my energy and felt it connect with the power of the Moon—bright and sparkling—before I went down into the Earth to feel it's stability rush up into me. I took a deep breath, filled with these swirling currents, and opened my eyes.
I picked up the sharp knife I used for bloodletting (I never used my athame for that) and made a small cut on my pointer finger. The blood welled and dripped onto the cornmeal with a little zing of magical intent. I felt the power gathering like static in a storm, and I knew I was on the right track.
"I come here for knowledge,"I stated firmly as I pulled my hand away from the bowl. "I come here for aid. I am threatened by darkness and need a light to guide me, to protect me. I offer tequila, tobacco, cornmeal, and my own blood. Three delights of the world and one connection to my flesh. Can you hear me, my Nahual? Will you help me? Take these offerings and let me know you, help me to understand you and how I may cultivate our power."
I sat back and closed my eyes again, trying to be as still as possible. After a few minutes, I began to feel a tingling in my fingertips and a weightlessness as if the ground had fallen away beneath me. Opening my eyes would ruin the spell so I kept them closed and concentrated on the sensation. Then came a brush of fur on my arm, as if a large animal had nuzzled against me, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes shut.
"Welcome,"I said softly. "Please accept these offerings in peace."
There was no answering voice or animal sounds, but I felt the words inside me; knew that my Nahual was there and was pleased to be acknowledged finally. Then, in my mind, I caught sight of her. She came slowly out of the darkness, just a white glow at first until the shadows pulled back and revealed her fully.
A white jaguar with golden brown markings and deep brown eyes. She sat there regally; looking at me as if she were staring into a mirror. She cocked her head, and I cocked mine. She lifted a paw, and I felt my hand raise as well. Then I felt an unmistakable wave of humor transfer from her to me. She was playing with me.
It became clear then. She was a part of me. There was nothing here to fear. She had been with me all along; had shared every hurdle, every triumph, and every tear. This was me in my animal form. She knew me like no other because she was me.
She opened her mouth in what could have been either a smile or a warning, and I saw her sharp teeth. Yes, she could bring me power to defend myself, and she could bring me knowledge of things hidden. This wasn't just my animal form; this was the form of my magic. This was the part of me the Gods were drawn to. I giggled a little to think that Thor had actually been attracted to a large jungle cat. The Nahual laughed with me—a wheezing, panting sound—and I laughed harder.
My heartache melted away with our laughter, and I suddenly knew that things were happening just as they needed to. That even if they weren't, I could only take responsibility for my actions and learn from my experiences. I couldn't change the past so it was best to accept it. The only thing I truly needed to live joyously, was this part of me that I had finally found and the knowledge of that was so freeing that a sense of peace drifted over me. I was calmer than I'd ever been but also completely in awe of the wealth of magic I'd just stumbled into. It was as if I'd been operating at half-mast for all of my life and someone had finally shouted; Hey idiot, haul up those sails!
This hadn't been about calling a new power to me. This wasn't an offering to a strange, unknown spirit. This was an awakening. This was an offering to myself; a way to bring suppressed parts of me into the light. My whole body shuddered as pieces of my soul opened to bring forth undiscovered potential. My eyes shot open as I gasped.
"Time to wake up."