Chapter 21

To say their drive to the restaurant was awkward was a tad understated. Thomas glued his eyes to the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel as if this was his first time driving a car. His knuckles were getting shades whiter with each second. As for Avril, she kept a steady gaze out the window, not that it mattered. If Thomas wanted to kick her out right here on this spot there was no way she would know where to go. That was the level of her concentration.

Her mind was unusually silent though maybe because every other part of her was freaking the hell out. It's not as if she never spent time alone with Thomas but this was different. First, they were blindsided by Trish's failure to accompany them, secondly, this seemed to strain their relationship as host and guest, and thirdly, Thomas' presence, his look, his eyes, his smile...his everything...took some getting used to and this impromptu alone time with him resembling a James Bond character was doing nothing for her senses. She might as well for the entire world appear an idiot.

Oh, and did she mention his silence was making her nervous? She was irrationally tempted to yank the car door open and roll out among the shrubs and other greenery that she wasn't even sure existed despite her eyes following every movement.

Nervous. Anxious.


Those were the words that performed a duet in Thomas' brain. Why would a man like Thomas Lynne be either of those things was a mystery. He debated, with himself, that a man who was versed in all things female did not suffer from such aversions. The very thought was absurd. Maybe the better word was stupidity he rolled his eyes at himself.

"I can't believe, Trish ditched us." Avril broke the silence without looking his way. He took a chance and stole a glance at her.

God was she beautiful. He had to resist the urge to reach over and touch her.

He felt some form of peace having her sitting mere inches away from him. The very person who had plagued his dreams and drove him to return as soon as he could was sitting next to him and his breaths felt easy.

"I can't believe she is going on a date." He countered. His brain insulting him for having less courage to begin a conversation than a girl. He should have initiated the conversation, he had missed listening to her voice.

"What?" That had caught her attention. She was animated now as if the awkwardness has never existed. He liked this about her. Her moods changed in the blink of an eye it was something he adored. He tried to hide his smile.

"What?" He repeated her question, ready to hear more of her voice. He kept switching his gaze back and forth between the road and her.

"Trish is gorgeous, I won't be surprised if she has male callers breaking down her door." Avril smiled, the image of Trish filling her head.

"Ugh...yes, because that is exactly the image I want of the woman I consider to be a mother to me." Thomas shook the thoughts away and made a mental note to find out exactly how many male callers there have been. Something told him that he wouldn't quite like the answer.

Avril laughed. "I think it's great for her to have some human interaction apart from both of us." she gazed at Thomas' profile and her heart skipped a beat. "You know, someone to cater to her needs instead." Her eyebrows wiggling suggestively as their eyes met for a moment.

"Okay, now you're doing this on purpose." Thomas couldn't stop looking at her. He noted her bite her lip to conceal the smile.

"Fine. I'll stop." She giggled, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. His attention making her nervous and elated in equal parts. She didn't want this easiness between to stop.

Thomas pulled into a parking spot at the restaurant, their moods much improved from the drive. They were lead to a table. They sat in the middle of the dimly lit room. Other couples surrounding them. Avril wiped the palm of her hands on her dress, she was sat directly opposite him and her heart thundered.

"That lipstick becomes you." He commented, his mind conjuring images of her trailing that particular color on parts on his body that were especially sensitive. He shook the thought away when she thanked him shyly.

"How has the university experience been?" Thomas questioned and for a second he saw her still, her features wide-eyed and distant as if she was recalling something unpleasant.

Avril couldn't help but remember that conversation with Nate. Since then, she had done all she could to avoid him. She really wanted to be mature enough to not have such a minor thing affect her but her emotions won out against rationality. She probably could have forgiven him if it hadn't been for her pride and self-confidence finding homage in the deepest darkest crater of her soul.

"Avril?" Thomas wanted to bring her out of her thoughts and back to him.

"It was terrifying at first. Now I am knee-deep in so much work that I have no time to be terrified." She smiled lightly.

"What about you?" She tried to alter the direction of the conversation.

"What about me?" He echoed.

" How was it seeing your dad? You must really miss him."

Thomas thought about it. He did miss his father. But the life they lived meant they hardly spent time with each other, they acted like strangers, and sadly enough when death greets them, as its bound to do someday, they will die without so much as a normal relationship. That was their curse.

" I didn't see him much actually," Thomas revealed. It was hard having this conversation especially when he couldn't reveal much to her. Any answers or explanation he gave would just sound vague. It was easy for her to misinterpret his secretiveness for not wanting to talk to her and that wasn't how he felt.

"Oh?" Avril felt for him. She heard the sadness in his voice, something she never thought Thomas Lynne capable of feeling. "That must have been hard." She soothed.

"I am accustomed to it." He shrugged. A sign that that conversation was over.

Avril said no more. She had to respect his boundaries.

"Trish says that you have been distant lately. Is something wrong?" He looked closely at her, deciphering every move.

Panic set in. Avril had tried to conceal her thoughts from Trish but it seemed that she'd failed."Nope." She said instantly, her eyes never meeting his.

"Avril, you can talk to me..." He encouraged her as she picked at her food.

Her eyes met his. The turmoil in them clear and unmasked. He didn't know if it was his place but he decided to ask the question burning a hole in him since he came home.

"Does it have anything to do with your boyfriend?" He probed. The very word burning a hole in his tongue.

"Nate?" Her brows furrowed. Thomas nodded. He hated hearing his name coming out of her mouth.

"He is not my boyfriend." She said softly.

"Did you guys break up or did he cheat?" His eyes darkened and he hadn't realized that he'd started holding his breath.

"Cheat?" Avril echoed. Her expression one of confusion.

"I saw him when I came into town with another girl," Thomas explained.

"Oh..." Avril took a deep breath. " that's his girlfriend." she clarified.

"Why did you break up?" Thomas pushed.

"We were never in a relationship." Avril looked dead straight into Thomas' eyes. Her unresponsiveness tearing at him.

"So what was it? A physical relationship, no attachments?" Thomas was confused now.

"I shudder to know what you think of me." Avril shook her head.

"I don't care about your past Avril," Thomas responded. Meaning every word.

Avril passed her hand over her forehead. "As I told you before, we were just friends, Thomas. No relationship, and definitely not a physical one."

"I find that hard to believe. I could sense mutual affection." He hated having said those words. Mostly because he didn't want her to be mutually attached to anyone who wasn't him.

"Well, he didn't want me," Avril said sharply, frustrated to have this brought up.

Thomas raised his eyebrows and Avril sighed. She knew he wouldn't let go unless his curiosity was satisfied. "Nate wants a physical relationship."

"Physical is a common expectation when in a relationship for men." Thomas pointed out. It's hard to be with the person you care about and not want to be intimate with them.

"I know. But, I can't give that." Her voice lowered. " with him, it's sex first, and then maybe there is a shot at romance or an emotional bond."

Thomas reminded silent. Encouraging her to continue.

"He told me that, he is attracted to me but we want different things."

Thomas thought that once two persons liked each other that was enough...clearly, the world was changing in its ideals. When did relationships become so complicated?

" I am not sure I understand the issue." Thomas said carefully.

"Basically, he didn't want me because I am not good enough. He is not willing to try with someone who he considers to be Innocent." She said the last word a little lower than the rest.

"Innocent?" Thomas echoed, not quite understanding. Sex was a common part of a relationship and would naturally flow as time went on and both parties' emotional attachment grew.

Avril looked into his eyes then, her shyness at the comment telling him everything he needed to know.