Chapter 23

Trish smiled at her date and soon enough she found herself tearing up from laughing too hard. His laughter and presence were contagious. He always made her feel welcomed. She was able to relax around him. She liked him immensely. Of that, she had little doubt. He was funny and attentive, not to mention very attractive. He was very pale though and his eyes almost always appeared bored. It was a nice contrast to his personality which was spontaneous and alive.

So, yes. She found him a delight to have around.

The question was what exactly did she want him around as? This was the fifth date that they had been on and yet he made no attempt at even a first kiss. Trish wondered if she was offended or relieved. It was safe to say that both feelings swirled around with her.

As he poured her more wine, she gazed at him carefully, begging her heart to feel something. A woman her age had no reason to be choosy or harbor hope of true love. She had matured, she shouldn't expect to feel things that were not possible.

The only problem was that she did feel them...a long time ago. It had been over a decade since she told herself that what she felt wasn't real, it was a trick her mind played on her. A concoction of her mind to believe it was something more than it actually was. And she was just starting to believe it...until he called her to find out about Thomas' reason for coming back home.

She had sworn that her heart would tear out of her chest and run away when she saw him calling her for the first time in years. Their correspondence was usually through his secretary via emails.

Why couldn't Trish forget about Tobias Lynne? The man who was roughish in his looks, his eyes dark with nothing kind in them, why did he crawl into her heart and set up residence there? Why did she allow him to?

She shook her head as she tried to listen to what her date was trying to say.

"I really enjoy our meetings... sorry our dates." He paused. Trish smiled. This clumsiness in his speech she found a worthy attribute. It was too bad that she had to end this here. She couldn't lead this man on for longer.

"So do I. But there is something I need to say...." she laid a hand on his, his gaze flickered to her hand on his and he smiled. Boy, this was going to be difficult. She desperately hoped that Thomas and Avril were having a better time.

"I think I know what you want to say." he piled his other hand on her's. "You've finally decided that this needs to be the end?" He'd caught her completely off guard.

"How did you know?" She removed her hands from his touch.

"You've been distracted our last two dates." he pushed his glasses up. "I assumed you were losing interest." he'd lowered his head, his eyes unable to meet her's

"Not losing interest." she clarified, her heart-melting away at having to say goodbye. "I am not going to appreciate you as much as you deserve."

"There is someone else isn't there?" He asked, the look in his eyes showing that he already knew.

Trish inhaled deeply, hoping this awkwardness came to an end soon.

********

Thomas made his way to the kitchen. The only reason his legs moved was due to the promise of coffee. He didn't remember the last time he got up in this state. His head pounding. His eyes counteracting his body's command for them to stay open.

He saw Trish making breakfast. She didn't need to continue taking care of him now that he was an adult, but she did so anyway. She'd never let him miss the maternal presence that only a woman could provide.

"I did not think you would be here," Thomas said to her as he poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the cupboard. He groaned, jerking his head from side to side to force his eyes to re-open.

Trish smiled. "And why is that?"

"You had a date last night, thought one of you would be spending the night." He responded, sipping his coffee. He sighed as the warm liquid trailed down his esophagus and warmed his insides.

"How shameless!" Trish feigned annoyance.

Thomas grinned, low-key happy to see her. It didn't want to be thinking of her having sex with any red-blooded man. " It didn't end well?" He enquired before he took another sip of his coffee.

Trish shook her head in the negative. " It was doomed to fail, better to end it before things get complicated."

"Why was it doomed?" Thomas was intrigued. This was the first time he had such a conversation with Trish. But he felt as if he saw a different side to her, one that was vulnerable. He didn't want to see her looking so helpless in front of him.

She seemed to consider the question. " Because the feelings weren't mutual."

"Yours or his?" Thomas eyes her carefully but she only smiled. He could never believe it if anyone didn't find her amazing.

"How was the celebratory dinner?" It was her turn to drill him.

"Speaking of which, is Avril up yet?" He questioned, completely ignoring the question.

" She left for school," Trish responded as she turned off the stove. " That's why I am making you breakfast, you won't have company otherwise."

Thomas glanced at his watch. "It's six-thirty." He said in disbelief. What could she possibly be going to school this early for?

"She said she had some work to do and thought she would concentrate better there," Trish responded as if reading Thomas' mind. She plated out his food and walked over to the dining table with Thomas in toe.

"So, since we have some alone time...want to update me?" Trish sat at the table, waiting for Thomas to do the same. He took a seat beside her. "Update you on?" Trish had never wanted details about his work so he doubted very much that she was asking about that.

"On what's the deal between the both of you?" she clarified.

"Both of who?" He pretended to be confused.

"You and Avril." She rolled her eyes.

"There is no deal." He took a bite out of his pancakes. He couldn't voice his feelings when he wasn't even sure of them.

"Your father doesn't seem to think so." Her heart constricted by saying those words for it reminded her of so much.... too much.

This caught his attention. He stared at her. " My father spends his entire life slaving over a company, he is too trapped in the world of business to have any sane thoughts about romantic relationships."

Trish nodded, accepting this and hoping she can use it to heal herself. There was no point waiting on a man. "Then what drives my insanity?" She questioned.

"Maybe you are hoping that I can actually feel such emotions towards one person?" He smiled at her mischievously.

"Is that so?"

" It's like you said if it's doomed better to end it or this case, prevent it." He avoided her eyes.

"If the feelings are mutual there is no way to know if it's doomed." She pointed out.

"Who says it's mutual?"

"So you're running away before you even confirm whether there is a chance?" She folded her arms and gazed at him. This time his eyes met her's.

" I already know. Nothing good will come out of me wanting her." His headache returning.

"Isn't that her decision to make?" Trish was getting triggered. She saw Avril's behaviour around Thomas and she knew, could sense the mutual affection. However, Thomas' behavior would quicker drive her away.

"It's complicated. She is too innocent. I don't want to be the one who hurts her." He confessed. First romances never last and he couldn't be the one who scars her. He didn't even think he wanted anything serious. Being in a relationship was something he had long expelled from his mind.

"Is it normal for people entering into relationships to contemplate its demise?" Trish found this amusing. " You're thinking about all the reasons why you shouldn't want her but you are ignoring the words that really matter...the ones that don't come from rational thinking and planning."

Thomas didn't know how to respond. How could he even begin to explain the reasons behind his decision?

"Alright, consider this, while you are coming to terms with your decision for whichever reasons you have, think about how unjust it is for you to be the sole bearer of decisions concerning others. Everyone has a right to choose what they want, not have others decide for them so selfishly." She rose from her seat, picked up her dishes, and began washing them.

Thomas had no qualms about being selfish. But he really was trying not to be. It was hard enough for him to hold on to his reasons with an iron fist when every second his brain kept telling him to abandon all reason.

Should he really let her decide?
No. At least not when he didn't even know if he wanted a serious relationship.

But what if he would only know after they were together?

Sigh!
Useless was his brain and thoughts.