chapter 13

"I'll be okay; I just need to process this, okay." I fib. He probably knows I'm lying by the disapproving look on his face, "You aren't handling this well Em. Fine, you can kid yourself into thinking you are but do you really expect me to sit here buying the bullshit you are selling me? Do you really think I'm that dumb em to believe that? I dated girls that did the shit all the time, and I'm not buying it from you, so you need to sort out your feeling right now, do you hear me?"


"Johnny, seriously, who the fuck do you think you are?" I screech at him, "Are you fucking serious right now, making this about you? I'm not trying to serve you some bullshit on a platter. I am setting boundaries, and maybe you don't seem to understand women as well as you think. But no means I j don't want to go there. Just give me a break. You fucking know what he means to me. Could you please just give me a minute to, I don't know, process this shit? Dead, married, gone, johnny do you understand that? he has been gone for eleven years, and all of a sudden, he is back and now, now the man who I loved more than anything that left me and married some bitch and not ever coming back is my mate. that isn't something I can just deal with." He isn't letting me figure this out like I need to. He isn't letting me think, god damn it.


He squeezes my leg gently and stands up, turns to stomp heavily out of my room, firmly snapping the door shut behind him.

Well, that's fucking brilliant, isn't it?

I sigh, lying on my back; I know that he is probably right; I have to deal with this, and it isn't going to be pretty, but I have to face this; I think I a; ways knew that I would have to at some point but when I do deal with it, It will be on my terms, and not today.


What a fucked up mess. I still have to deal with being hunted and Alpha riden's reminders that he knows how to reach me…how to hurt me the most. Now, I have to deal with Ryan and the heartbreak he left me with that I have been struggling to forget. Oh, how much more of a bitch could fate be?

It is funny how small the world is and how karma will always come full circle in the end. When you think your life is headed in one direction, the door shuts, and a different one opens. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish my pack were still here, But If I hadn't lost them, I never would have had Jeremy and johnny come into my life. They are the only two people I have left in the world. The only two people I know would die before they hurt me. They are my family now; I know It is hard sometimes to deal with all my fuckedupness. I know I'm not easy for them. They have to deal with a setback alongside me when I have a setback. Even though it doesn't take away any of the pain of them being slaughtered, it doesn't take away the want to avenge them; I know I have to consider myself lucky on some counts.

I remember being constantly happy, always looking at the world with rose-tinted glasses. I wasn't the most popular girl in school but had close friends. My childhood was so full of laughter and love; my dad was always happy, smiling, and full of love. Love for me, and love for our pack, I was his world. He would say I always looked just like my mother. Not a day passed that I didn't feel the joy I had brought into my pack's lives.

I had been lucky enough to meet the love of my life when my life was the worst. We had a relationship that reminded me of my pack's stories about my parents. Always happy, always smiling, and always full of love, even though we had to keep it a secret. I had the best young and dumb years in my life with that boy. I thought that our love was unbreakable. By his side, I felt complete.


Ryan had left for a meeting for a week, and that's when it all went wrong. He had to get approval from other alphas to be able to take over the pack when he didn't have a luna.

I understood this, hell, I had even cheered him off from the sidelines, but I was left behind him. I wanted what would make him happy; he was trying to prove to the world that he was nothing like his parents, parents who were more political and ruthless than caring about the people in their pack, and their children were pawns to their psychotic father. He left me with a promise to reunite and live out all of our dreams together.

I let a bitter laugh escape my lips as the tears fall down my face. It's a funny thing, the dreams of an innocent teen.
I wasn't too broken by his leaving. Sure, I had been upset, but I knew he would be back and return to me.
But that day never came. Two weeks after I said goodbye to him, the beatings started shortly after that. Looking back now, all that kept me together was the hope that Ryan would be back in my arms again and that he would take all that pain away,
I remember sitting in the bathroom of empty packhouse 3 weeks after Ryan had left, thinking I had the next best thing to having Ryan here with me; I was excited to tell Ryan about a piece of him and our love growing inside me. I was still scared if anyone found out, I would be in serious trouble if anyone found out, The alpha already beat me hard enough for little things; I shivered at the idea of what he would do to me if he found out; I was pregnant with his heir's baby. I loved that baby from the second I saw the positive test strip. I had just known that any baby created with our love would be beautiful.


With a new lease on life, I started to move on and plan for our new future. I dealt with every blow that the alpha gave me, waiting. As time went on, I started to lose hope he was coming home and that something terrible had happened to him; I started panicking that he was dead.
I had been around 5 months pregnant when Alpha Ridden got a letter in the mail from Alpha orin saying that the treaty between the two packs would go through after the wedding between his daughter and Ryan. I was confused and heartbroken. My Ryan wouldn't have done that? He said that he loved me; we had a future together. He promised me, He promised.