21- The sound of peace

Do you have a lighter? - Asked one of the doctors who was talking to the group of nurses and had walked up to me. I looked up and found the very same blue eyes that I had kissed two Saturdays ago at Leslie's party.
Wow… - I said hesitantly. I was momentarily stunned. I looked at her with my mouth open, and in a reflex, I moved my lips but couldn't say anything, my heart rose to my throat. Suddenly, I felt nervous, and it seemed like she was too, or at least she had frozen. She watched me tensely, immobile, waiting for my reaction. Her eyes shone in a blue merged in the heart of the night; and her cheekbones looked even more pronounced with her white coat and pale complexion. "Damn, it's her, omg!" - Hello - I said, smiling as I clumsily handed her the lighter from my hands. She was so beautiful and her presence made me feel extremely clumsy, as if my gestures stumbled in the air. Her face was beautiful, and her slim and slender body radiated energy and vitality. Her legs were long, and her calves fit snugly into her black skinny jeans, which made me suspect that she must train several days at the gym. I glimpsed her white coat with sparkling eyes; I noticed her name, bordered in blue letters it read "Surgeon Doctor Contreras".
I didn't know you were a doctor…
You said you didn't want to know anything about me the other night… you just wanted…
Yes, I know - I interrupted her, cheeks burning with embarrassment - I didn't think I would see you again - I concluded, making a nervous gesture with the palm of my hands as if spinning some sort of pizza in the air.
It's okay. I'm glad to see you - She whispered, looking at me languidly. Suddenly, I felt a void in my stomach as her cat-like gaze filled my whole body with a warm wave. I smiled, aware that I was blushing. I opened my eyes, squinting excitedly into hers, wanting to divert her attention from my face and focus it on my gaze. We smiled in complicity, despite having her in front of me, I still didn't understand what she was doing there.
What are you doing here? - She asked me as if she could read my mind.
My grandfather is admitted.
Oh, what's wrong with him?
I don't want to talk about it - I admitted irritably.
Okay - said my doctor, and seductive kisser.
Is there anything you want to talk about? - She asked politely.
Honestly, no - I surprised myself, admitting to myself without worrying about sounding too selfish.
Alright, I think it's great. I would like to know why you're here, and how your relative is… but if you want silence, I'll be quiet.
Thank you - I smiled, feeling tempted to talk now. We stood silently contemplating the moon and I lit another cigarette. I could barely hold my breath but I didn't feel the need to say anything, apparently she was comfortable with my silence.
Can I have the end of your cigarette? - She asked, seeing my face illuminated by the yellow flame.
I'd better give you a new one… - I said, handing her one of my Marlboro Lights - here, take this - I added, handing her a long white cigarette. Maybe they weren't the cigarettes she liked, because the last time I had seen her smoking on the rooftop of my apartment she had a strong black Marlboro on her lips. She didn't seem to mind and took it between her fingers.
I see. You don't like sharing cigarettes.
Well, I think it's a very intimate gesture. It's like sharing a dirty secret with someone who will put it in their mouth and kiss you.
Wow, how poetic. That's sexy. - I let out a nervous laugh and watched her as I bit my lip.
Have you ever seen a nerd trying to fit in with the beautiful girls' group? - I asked, noticing how the doctor let the smoke rise in cascades - It's something like this. Except that I don't have a group, it's just me being beautiful - I concluded, raising an eyebrow. She laughed, looking amused.
And me being a nerd.
Yes, you're a doctor! You're nerdy enough to talk to me about enzymes and bacteria.
You're funny, I like that.
And do you work here? - I asked as I brought my fingers to my mouth in a reflex and slowly bit the edge of my index finger. I had the sensation that I was in another city, and seeing her was my only connection to my old desires. Maybe I felt intimidated because for some reason my mind had discarded the idea of seeing her again after getting drunk and kissing her that night.
Yes, in the intensive care unit. But now I'm with the isolation patients - She said, taking a breath after exhaling the cigarette.
Isolation?
Yes, with respiratory problems. They need to be isolated… because…
Ah, I see - I interrupted her.
And where is your grandfather?
He's fine - I replied, sinking into my denial. I suddenly returned to the here and now and felt her more distant than ever. In my current needs, my only concern was taking care of my grandfather - He is with the emergency patients on the ground floor - I added.
Did he arrive today?
Yes - I admitted, letting out a sigh - this afternoon.
Okay. When you want to talk about it, you can look for me, I could see him.
Actually, I would like you to see him, you know? The doctor who is seeing him is an idiot, and forgive me I know he's your colleague. But he really is, they didn't give him anesthesia until he practically passed out from the pain. Not to mention he has a small tumor on his aorta and it's delicate, he can't handle strong emotions. Why do doctors always do that? Is it like a code of honor? Do you like hearing patients scream? Does the one who screams the loudest get a dose of anesthesia? Of course, among so many patients, he's just one more for you. And I've come to the conclusion that if I talk to the doctor, I won't have the option to be subtle. I'm stubborn, demanding, and impatient. And above all, I can't stand asking for favors or waiting for others' services. I like being self-sufficient - I confessed, clearly showing her that I hadn't had a good hospital experience.
I'm the same, don't worry. Being self-sufficient is the most correct way to achieve all your goals, but it always brings problems.
Yes, but it's quite attractive not to depend on anyone, I think. Also, it's the only way to survive, to make up your mind that you don't depend on anyone.
Exactly, I like how you think. I'll see your grandfather as soon as his granddaughter stops distracting me out here.
Well then, I'm leaving - I admitted with a hateful air - Second hallway to the left, he's the only grandpa with green eyes wearing a knitted hat on his head - I told her, then stood up and turned my back to him.