9- Life without robots

Hey girl, I would like to fill all these lines with your wings, the same ones that taught me how to fly when you showed me the sky by playing with my fingers. You had the most beautiful hands I had ever touched, they weren't the finest or the softest, but they were the only ones that could make my wings flap by teaching me that I had some sewn to my back. You could kiss my neck and make the Milky Way shine on my skin, making all the stars show me that the way home was hidden in the sun you carry on your lips. Once again, I ask you to forgive my cheesy words, but you make me speak this way. Wrapping my arms around your neck like a koala, and biting your ears like a playful kitten. Your kisses become my home and I hide millions of tickles that make my mouth shine between conflicting currents. Charlie, I want you to answer me a question. How can you walk through life knowing that you carry my home in your mouth? In a smile, a sniffle, or a bad word, you could disrupt the game of Chinese cups I have on the kitchen table. Sometimes when you brush your teeth, the pictures in my house tremble a little, and that's why Picasso and Degas are always leaning.

When I moved to your lips, I was very scared, when I surrendered to your mouth and traveled miles to find myself, my skin was baptized by your kisses, I survived my shipwrecks to swim towards you. Flood myself with your essence. I heard the whisper of the world telling me that it was madness, that someday when I separated from you, the storm would rage heavily, the door would slam disdainfully against your life, a tragedy would occur. But all fear, all doubt and uncertainty was a lie that you silenced in your movements and your animal instinct. How could I not believe you, how could I not believe in your shapes and sensations. So light and subtle, you transformed into someone else; someone free, powerful, and I felt enchanted by that strength, by the new Charlie I discovered between my sheets. The force of gravity that broke with our bodies would end up hurting us and everyone around us. I was jealous of your past, of your steps and distances, and at the same time, I learned to love you generously away from me, because that way when you returned to my arms, I felt like a queen and a winner, shining and burning. If you were the diamond that melted inside me. If we become one piece, fitting like a diamond in the divinity of existence, in the infinite and suspended nothingness where your body expands and mine expands in proportion to your freest needs and pleasures. If that happens, I can't love anyone else. You, Charlie, are the chosen one, because I looked up and you rebelled against me.

My traveling moon, months have passed without seeing you or knowing what you're doing, what you're drinking or what's going through your mind. I have so much to tell you, new friends I've made, new experiences that would break your heart. You moved to another city and I stayed stuck visiting the same hotels I knew with you, going camping in the same forests I visited with you, and lighting the bonfires that warmed us in the past. That's why I don't like to live the same experience twice, Charlie, because I find the present disappointing knowing that I've already lived it, and that it wasn't so exciting: it was just my first time. My first time by your side, repeated many times with new faces. Your body repeated in other bodies, your form was the perfect place to silence the world with the vibrations of your whispers and find authenticity. You were authentic, but I wonder now that your life separates from mine, if I was authentic to you.

I can't stop the clock, the years will take us forward. I will make new important dates in my agenda, more important than your birthday. So, I will remind you of some of my favorites before I forget: sometimes we had special celebrations, then you hummed songs to me. Sometimes we celebrated a date that you made a holiday when you sang to me. During those days, I came to think that the sky really hides between us and that I had it hidden in the sound of your voice. I know, there's no adornment or intellectual decorum for such an occurrence. But you, Charlie, were like that: attractive in your voice, and seductive with your words. With that way of organizing your thoughts and dressing your words with the right forms and sentences. I never knew how you did it, but your way of speaking was your best weapon.

On my favorite nights, I could feel earthquakes of magnitude 7 on the Richter scale every half hour. And sometimes, I could bite your lips in the middle of a tremor. When we shone. Have you shone like that again? You took my breath intertwined in your long moans. The best part was when you said my name and the ground cracked a little more under us. Now I usually walk homeless, I never go without painted lips to hide my scars, those little wrinkles on my mouth that being so far from you causes me, but above all, in case one day without knowing it destiny decides to dress itself with your name and I land in your mouth again, you can remove the lipstick. Now my cat receives extra kisses, I use him as a deposit for affection and caresses of a lover that I never give to you, or anyone else. Charlie is fine, great now that he reigns in my days as the only sun. He has become a spoiled and powerful lion that turns me into his adored human in the shapes of his pupils, calm but frenzy.

The slow and gentle landing was always my specialty, especially when I leaned over your body, and waved you between my hands to kiss your back and discover your belly button. That's why, Charlie, I arrived without you noticing, I watched over you day and night after you made my mouth water with your flesh, I contemplated you much more than you could have suspected. But also, when I flew so low and so close to your neck, I became part of the air you breathe, I got entangled in your hair, and so when you weren't with me, you would miss your breath. I would feel a small stab in my stomach when I hear our names, growing longer in memory, and a similar emptiness to walking dizzy in the dense and dangerous fog, stumbling upon memories. That's why I have gotten used to watching every step I take to avoid that feeling. I avoid you, evade my feelings for you. So, without realizing it, one day, my dear Charlie, this that I'm telling you will be the only thing I have left. And all because I can't live in your mouth and tell you among silences and blushing kisses that I love you. You didn't have so many square meters when I studied your real estate, and yet, I would move there a thousand times more. To any place where you rent me your lips and let me pay you with kisses for the mortgage. Touch your belly and know that from where life is born, a seed can never grow between us. However, feeling your hips intertwined with mine, I feel more alive than any immortal.

I consume myself between your legs over and over again, like a slippery book in moments of reading. Without giving up your fire, I burn and consume myself. How to confess that I hide and cover you with illusions to reflect myself in the memory of your smile. Show you everything that the sky makes big, and the full moon explodes: your light, girl, dawn of the day. Even, Charlie, when my tears leave their burn mark on the flesh, and distant pain turns into dry blood and tearing. Even then, I will know that dreams come true when you arrive during the hour of the muse. What light, what fire, what smile. That I love you thin, that I love you, that I love you, Charlie. I hug you, advise you, blush at you, and write to you.

I'm writing to tell you that I love you, being crazy and daring, searching for treasures in life and smiling because I find you in mine. That I love you rushing through highs and lows and touching the ground with your wings, accepting the reflections of your life. But also when you lose your shine and renew yourself in the upcoming sky of your days, when you walk with your head down, covering your wounds, bleeding the vertices in other arms, made of bones, fragile and weary flesh. I love you there, in that corner of the world where you shine, I love you skinny, I love you. I love you, Charlie, I love me, with you inside, shining in me.

Always yours,
Charlie