Chapter 35: The Truth.

The rain was heavy but she didn't have a choice but head out into the rain.
She had a meeting that morning and she was expected to be there no matter the circumstances. She knew her boss would pardon her—she'd married to his boss, of course he has to. But she'd never take that for granted. She had never used the power of being married to Mahir to go against her work policy or take benefit of it. She even hated how her boss hers changed towards her. He never gives her much work like he used to. It even seemed like he was afraid of her. Giving her redundant breaks she never asked for. Now most of her working partner despises her—not that she cared but it was somewhat annoying. And she didn't have anyone to thank but Mahir—the person behind all that mess.
She made it to her car with an umbrella. She tossed it to the back seat and started the car. Before she could reverse and leave the house premises her phone chimed, indicating a call coming through. She checked; it was Mahir. She hissed and tossed the phone on the passenger's seat.
The last time he called her was the day after they had their first intimacy in New York which was two months ago and she couldn't point out her offence.
Possibly because she asked what happens between them when the contract expires. What did he expect? She needed to know. Were they going to renew it? Or terminate it? Or just keep on making love and having fun until a miracle happens?
How could he not see the consequences?
Or maybe because he didn't know about the fine to be paid. She knew he could pay it—but she couldn't.
She had gone through hell when he stopped talking to her for that long period of time. There were nights she cried, nights she wanted to run to him and hug him. But she finally overcome it and moved on. It made her to hate him more—at least that's what she has in mind.
She arrived at work shortly and delayed a bit before sauntering into the building.
The lobby was scanty only few workers roaming about, getting ready for the day's work. She walked with her chin held high, smiling big and wide. She never cared to look around, left alone notice the people that were actually around.
She saunters into her office and closed the door behind her, same time her phone began buzzing. She hissed faintly as she fetched for it. She heaved a sigh of relieve as she made her way to her desk.
'This early morning, seriously? What if I was sleeping?"
'I know you aren't. You never sleep in during the weekdays," Madina said through the phone. Bushra chuckled and shook her head.
'Ha… yeah, right."
Madina hummed as she shook as head like Bushra could see her.
'What?" Bushra asked. She knew Madina had something to say. 'You sound off. Is something wrong?" Madina asked worriedly.
Bushra never ceases to be amazed by how Madina senses her every mood even on phone. 'What, no. I'm fine. I'm okay," She told her. She had a lot in her mind and she'd do anything to tell Madina everything. But sharing her marital affairs wasn't something she was willing to share with anyone. Despite the marriage not exclusively being significant to any of them—she still wouldn't want to sell it out.
'Do I have to get it out of you?" Madina insisted and she grunted out of annoyance. 'I had a fight with Mahir but I am not willing to talk about it with you or him. If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to prepare for in thirty minutes." She didn't need to wait for Madina's response. She ended the call and kept the phone on her desk.
She hissed faintly and got to her feet instantly. She was angry—she couldn't think straight or have an idea of what to do.
He was ignoring her and avoiding her. She spends a whole week without setting him in her eyes. He never calls or text her to at least hear if she was okay or she needed something. It was like they've gone back to square one but even worse.
He confessed one of the earnest secrets she had never in her craziest dreams thought he'd ever tell her. He told her that he loves being with her, he loves what they did and he wanted more. She felt the same way, only didn't blurt it out but express it to him. But her only infraction was being the bigger person and asking about their status after the contract expires.
She wouldn't want to be in a situation where she falls for him or become addicted to him just to split up in a matter of few months.
That's it? It's over?
What would she do if she becomes addicted to him and they split up? She wasn't ready for that kind of heartbreak and depression.
If she was in anyway going to have her first love, she'd want to find someone that would always be there for her. Someone that wouldn't care if she needs to stay up crying all night long and stay with her till she was smiling through her tears and feeling safe with him.
She didn't want a perfect relationship. She wanted someone she could trust and who wouldn't be cheating on her physically or emotionally. Everyone needs someone who loves them completely and who won't play game with their hearts.
'Do you need a moment alone?"
She snaps her head up and heaved a sigh. 'Oh, Habib, it's you. Is it time already?" She glances at her wrist watch as she got to her feet. It was already time for the meeting. How did she not notice? How long was she out?
'Yes, everyone is at the meeting all already," he said to her politely. She nodded her head and he see himself out.
She packed everything she needed and followed him out to the meeting hall.
Hours later, Bushra was finally on break. She wearily made her way back to her office, thinking of how to get herself lunch. She was tired and all she wanted to do was eat and sleep as she didn't even have breakfast before leaving him.
She opens the door and closed it behind her. She started walking to her desk but halted when her eyes caught the sight of something unfamiliar on her desk. It was a large bouquet of pink lilies, a mysterious large box she had no idea what it had in it, and then two paper bags of food from her favorite restaurant.
Her eyes were popped out, hands covering her mouth. Her heart was beating fast but she somehow managed to smile. She checked the gifts, there wasn't any notes or clues from who it was.
The door to her bathroom opens and he walked out. He paused midways, staring at her in awe. He didn't expect her to be in her office that soon.
'Mahir," she calls out softly. She knew he was the one. He was always extra when it comes to gifts. 'You can't just mess up and then send gifts to my office like nothing happened," she said to him, tilting her head. Her brows shooting up to the ceiling.
'I bought your favorite from Aldo's and also the chocolates you love."
She gave him a pointed look and he sensed what she meant. He heaves a sigh of defeat and approached her. She gently grabbed her shoulders. 'Can we have lunch together without saying anything and talk about everything afterwards? We have two hours to spend so you can yell, hit and punch after you regain your energy."
She wanted to laugh but managed to suppressed her laughter. She smiled instead and nodded. It's a good thing he knew how angry she was.
She settled down on the couch as he opened the bags and arranged them on the mini coffee table she had in her office. She watched as he opened the takeaway and handed it to her, together with a fork.
He got to his feet afterwards, taking off his blazer.
'Aren't you going to eat?" She asked him and he shook his head. 'I'm going to the mosque, I'll be back soon," he said to her and walked out of the room. She shoulder-shrugs and began eating. She never fathomed how hungry she was until she ate every single food in the takeaway. She chucked away the packs and got to her feet to pray Zuhr also.
By the time he was back, she was still on her prayer mat, sitting and waiting for him to return. When he did, she stood up and folded the mat and took off her hijab. She had a black abaya on that day, she wrapped her veil back to its usual place and settled down on one of the seats preserved for her clients.
He settled down opposite her, staring at her and waiting to see if she had something to say first.
He knew she was angry and upset with him by the way he shoved her away and ignored her for almost nine weeks. He panicked and was afraid of the outcome. He was afraid of his answer that night. He didn't want to screw things up now that they were slightly in good terms. He was terrified of saying something upsetting—instead, he did something worse. He ignored her and shut the doors on her when he knew she needed him.
'Why have you been avoiding me, Mahir? We were just on the couch in New York, making out and you just stood up and left me there hanging like a worthless paramour."
'I know… I… don't call yourself that. You're nothing like that, Bushra. I know I keep messing up repeatedly but I have my reason for doing whatever I did…"
'And what could possibly be the reason behind messing up my mental health?" She cuts in. She was so fed up, her chest was heaving up and down. She felt like throwing punches to his face right that minutes.
'Since I met you, everything just changed. I used to be self-assured, bold, self-absorbed. But now I'm… afraid of how I speak especially to you. I sometimes seem to lose myself when I'm around you… I'm just different when I'm with you."
She stares at him for a moment—she fell out of words. She didn't know exactly how to react or what to say to him. She couldn't even believe it was the same Mahir Dan-Musa she met almost two years ago that was sitting before her. How did she even manage to break his confidence?
'Shoving me away is not going to make things work out, Mahir. Communication is the key to everything. Speak up if you have something bothering you. Speak up even if you're unsure of your answer."
He slightly nodded as his head lowers. 'I really don't want to mess things up, Bushra. We had a plan from the beginning. I don't need to remind you of it but to be honest I want don't want to change that plan."
Bushra was taken aback—not because she was offended in anyway, but because she couldn't put a finger on what his words meant. He saw the confusion on her face. 'I don't want to make things more complicating than it's getting, Bushra. We both know how things are going to end. In seven months, the lawyer would definitely contact us about the contract and you know what it means—we have to split up, and then what?"
She stares at him not blinking once. She was shocked and angry at the same time—shocked that she thought he was here to fix things between them, angry that he still liked the idea of splitting up. She clenched her jaws as her eyes darkened with antagonism and abhorrence.
She should've known better. She should've seen it coming. She should've trusted her instincts when they told her Mahir would always be Mahir—he was never going to change.
'Just think about it. We don't have much choice about this. We caused all of these ourselves and we can't do anything about it but go with the policy."
'Get out of my office," she spoke through gritting teeth. Her eyes were everywhere but his sight. He was the last person she wanted to see. He was the last person she wanted to talk to.
'Why are you angry over the fact that you know it's the truth? We don't have a choice, Bushra. Or do we?" He asked innocently.
'I said get out!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. She hated herself for being angry over the truth she knew they both couldn't escape from. She can't blame him for her own mistake but she had no one to blame it on but him.
She brought the idea of the contract, now she regrets it the most.
'This is exactly what I was avoiding. And you told me to speak up…" He stood up and grabbed his blazer from her couch before leaving.
A single tear rolled down her cheek, as she sat there unmoved. She was too numb to move or think of anything to do next. A giant hole found a permanent home in her heart. She'd never be the same again. She looked at the gifts he bought her—the tears came gushing out without warning.