Chapter 42: Confession.

She closed her swollen, red eyes from the lights penetrating through the thick curtains.
She heaved a desolate sigh. It was that day of drowning here again, the cold wash only she could feel. She didn't feel like getting up. She didn't want to move at all. And in that moment, it takes all the strength she had to make a choice, get up and get things over with as usual or lay in bed all day and grieving over the one person her heart is burning for.
She hasn't even eaten dinner before sleeping last night, it was morning and she could feel how her stomach was tight and hurting her. With the dizziness bothering her, she slowly sat up. She has to eat something—at least for her baby's health. For herself…
Not eating wouldn't bring him back. Not sleeping and crying day and night won't make him hate her any lesser than she knows he does.
She gently caressed her tummy; the bump was still not visible yet—she still had time to hide the pregnancy before she figures out what to do. In the meantime, all her focus would be on taking care of her baby even if Mahir was never going to accept it.
Mildly, she got to her fit and sauntered into the bathroom to freshen up.
It was another day—another grieving day without Mahir. He has been gone for so long that she has lost count of the number of days, weeks he has been gone.
Could be 4 weeks—6 weeks, who knows?
All she knew was they only had less than a month left of their marriage and it broke her to pieces knowing it was coming to an end. She has no hope in having him forever.
It leaves her in awe by how she was still breathing and even walking without completely breaking down even when her lawyer has been bugging her life with phone calls and texts—in all that, there was no sign of Mahir. No trace of him anywhere.
He has never left her for that long—it was unlike him. But what could she possibly do? He chose to leave her—he said it to her face. He doesn't want her or anything that has to do with the baby.
Bushra felt the warm tears rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them away for they went ahead to cascade down. No one should be able to cry this much. How is it that the pain outweighed the treasured memories?
Isn't she good enough? Isn't she worth fighting for? After all they've been through together?
After finally finding comfort in being around him…
She took a shower and sashayed out afterwards. She wore a free gown, her head still swirling and feeling as though it will split in two. The dizziness was getting a bit too much. She placed her palm on her head as she made her way to the door.
It has been long since she went down to the kitchen or even leave her room entirely. Her personal maid always delivered whatever she wanted to her room.
She heads down to the living room as she waved off every worker's greeting. They all stare at her in awe, walking past them as though she was a ghost. She had lost weight; her skin was pale—she obviously looks like a total mess.
Bushra didn't care about their tattler stares—she entered the kitchen to make herself some waffles. She was craving for it. It was the first time she has ever craved for anything ever since Mahir left.
She didn't waste much time in the kitchen; half an hour she was done and settled at the dining area. She looked around, feeling empty. She missed the times they sit there late in the night just to eat ice cream or anything she had talked him into consuming. They have not just eaten there but done so many unspoken things she wished they'd do again—it was never going to happen; she could feel it.
The end of Mahir & Bushra has come.
It was the only thing that made her upset when things were going great with him—the fear of losing him to this stupid contract she talked him into signing. If only she knew there were going to be more complicating issues coming—not only the contract.
Does he even think about the contract? Does he remember that the deadline was fast approaching? Was he worried about it? Does he even think about her like she thinks about him every single minute of her life? Does he feel the pain of losing her like she felt? Does he even appreciate the moments they shared together?
The questions were too much—they kept coming. Haunting her. Eating her up…
She heaved a sigh and grabbed her fork. For one thing she knows—she would never trade those memories for anything in this world. She'd cherish them—with or without him in her life.
Soon, she took the last bite of her waffles and gulped down a glass of cranberry juice. She had no idea she was that hungry until she had the first few bites of the waffles she made.
She could feel the waffles and cranberry swirling inside her before she could even make it to the stairs. The was the part she hated about her first trimester; throwing up immediately after eating. It was one of the reasons why she despised eating. Mahir wasn't the only reason why she hasn't been eating.
Her stomach eddied tensely as the dizziness flourished sturdier. She held the rails, trying to avoid herself from falling.
She knew she was going to faint when her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards were being replaced by some kind of black hole. Then the nausea crept from her abdomen to her head and the world went black.
**
She stared hard at the IV on her hand despite that her tears were blurring her vision. Her head was throbbing so much she thought it would explode. Everything hurts—her eyes, her head, her stomach, her chest…
She has never in her twenty-six years of life cried that much. She felt empty—it was the kind she didn't think would easily lift. She felt like he'd surprise her with the biggest bouquet of her favorite flowers and a box filled with chocolates to show her how sorry he was for neglecting her.
Her surrounding was so empty and emotionless. How could that be? She needed emotion to feel alive, to feel loved.
'Bushra, my dear, can you please stop the tears and tell me what's going on? What has been happening that you haven't been eating and you're so dehydrated, and you know that you're pregnant." Mommy said to her sympathetically. She rubbed Bushra's back smoothly to calm the panic, but there was no avail—she yet ignored her and went on with her sobbing.
Mommy has been calling Bushra on phone for more than a week but it wasn't going through. Mahir haven't been visiting them like he usually does except he was busy, which he always makes sure he informs her that he was going to be busy.
She speaks with Bushra almost every day but for the past one month, things changed.
She had just visited Bushra earlier to find her lying on the cold marbled floor with the workers surrounding her.
Bushra was lucky enough to be taken to the hospital on time before things went south.
Since Bushra woke up, she has been trying her best to console and hear what happened but it was a waste—she has been crying nonstop and shaking her head sideways. She was already worried before she even found out what was wrong.
She knew, whatever it was, it has to do with Mahir. She knew the type of son she has. And she had warned him no once, not twice about his unfriendly behavior. Seems like her scolding was a waste.
She excused herself and left the room.
'Where on earth are you right now?" She spoke into the phone the moment he answered. 'I… I'm at work, something happened?" He was already tensed by the sound of his mother's voice. He knew he was already in deep waters for not visiting them for so long. But he had reasons for whatever he does. The only point, they'd never listen to him or they'd think he has gone insane.
'Your wife is pregnant, are you aware of that?" She asked him and he went mute for a moment. He wanted to pretended as though he didn't understand what she was talking about.
'Yes, Mommy I know," he said to her, nonchalantly. He hasn't yet concluded what to do with her or the baby. They barely have a month left until they split up.
'And you are aware that she has not been eating or drinking enough water, causing her some complication and also having a sign of mental illness, and there's a chance she might lose the baby."
His heart dropped to his stomach. He could feel the muscles of his heart tighten with incredible shock by what his mother had told him. It was all his fault—if he hadn't left, she would never be in this kind of situation.
He should've gone back when he knew she has regretted her actions. He shouldn't have blamed her for what wasn't her fault. He shouldn't have treated her the way he did just to avoid himself from showing her his true feelings for her. He shouldn't have abandoned her that way.
'Wha—is she? Where she please, mommy? Are you guys at the hospital? Is she alright now?" He bombarded her with questions that made her more irked. 'Where the hell were you when she was suffering? Mahir what kind of child are you fisabilillah? Her parents gave you Amanah but you just abandoned her over something I am very sure it's self-regarding. You better show up at your friend's hospital right now or you'll face my wrath."
Mommy went back into the room and met Bushra the way she left her. She heaved a sigh of grief and approached the bed. She pulled her head towards her chest while stroking her back. Bushra immediately welcomed the kind gesture Mommy offered. Somehow, she felt less restless about everything going on around her.
'I don't know what happened or what you have been going through for only God knows how long—I just know Mahir has to with your breakdown. Just remember; with every hardship comes ease."
She always remembered that precise quote but with the way everything keeps on crumbling day by day, it was hard to focus, hard to not lose hope on having a happy ending.
Her marriage was collapsing—it was hard to just wake up and ignore reality. She's carrying a baby of a man whom doesn't even care about her—how could she ignore that or expect to be fine? Everything was so messed up—so messed up she couldn't even think of a way out.
The tears burst forth like a damp. She wanted to stop the tears so hard but couldn't—for the sake of mommy.
Half an hour later, the door swing open and he appeared. By the looks of his chest heaving up and down, he ran to from wherever he came from into the room.
'Bushra…" he called out trying to catch his breath. He seemed tensed and worried by the looks on his face. Mommy lets go of her and excused herself out of the room.
He approached her on the bed and settled down on the stool beside the bed. He took in her appearance—she had lost so much weight, her skin was slightly darker than usual. He heaved a sigh as his heart sunk to his stomach—this wasn't the girl he left. This wasn't the girl he was head over heels for. He was the one that caused all of this?
Come to find out, she had taken the whole year off work… all because of him.
Could feel his eyes piercing into her soul. He must be happy seeing her miserable, seeing how she has ended up when he left her. Possibly, he's happy with the income of what he has done. Happy that she was completely broken.
Before she could raise her head to look at him, he took her into his arm and enfolded into a
tender, tight embrace and they seem to melt into each other. She hugged his tight as though he'd escape if she didn't hold him close. Somehow, he took away her pain and made her feel safe—even after what he has made her go through.
'I'm sorry… I'm so so sorry for everything I have done. I'm sorry for setting you up with my friend, I am sorry for hiding the pregnancy from you. I… I had no choice… it was hurting me so bad to do but I had no other choice… it was my only way out of…"
The sound of her phone ringing interrupts her from finishing her sentence. She loosens her grip and peeped the person calling her. A great tremor overtook her as she radically fell back into his arms.
It was her lawyer calling again and she knew exactly why he was calling her.
'I love you, Mahir. I… I can't hide it anymore. I love you, so much but then… we just have to split up because I stupidly brought the idea of signing some stupid papers that I can't get myself out of." The tears raced down her cheeks as she sobbed uncontainable. She knew the end has come and she can't do anything to save herself from it.
She felt his strong arms enfold her in a gentle hug. He kissed the top of her head as he stroked her back to help her calm the panic—it did.
He freed her from his hold and settled back down on the stool. She looked at him through her teary, swollen eyes and shook her head. 'I really love you but we have no other choice but to split up because we've already signed a contract and it's too late to back out. Maybe… maybe after this we can come back and get married again, if you're…"
'No, Bushra. Why? Why do we have to split up if you love me? Why would you do that if you want to spend the rest of your life with me? And if I wanted to divorce you, I would've done that before I stepped foot out of the house but I couldn't… I can't. Because… I love you more than you love me. Since I met you, my life changed and I love the new change—I love the new me…"
He placed his hands gently on the sides of her face. 'I fall short of words to tell you how much you mean to me. All I can say is that my life revolves around you and nothing else matters."
She stares intensely into his eyes and they showed nothing but the truth. He wasn't lying—he loves her. She could see it written in his eyes—all over his face.
It was the greatest confession she has ever heard.
He picked up her phone and dialed the lawyer's number. He'd do anything to terminate the contract and have a normal marriage life with Bushra.
'Mrs. Mahir, I've been calling you for days to talk to you about your marriage contract. If you can remember, we have agreed to meet up on the 25th of this month to finalize things. I've been trying to reach to husband but couldn't get a hold of him. Note that; you have to be divorced as soon as possible."