18. Making Decisions

Gemma has been calling me while I have been rejecting her calls, and mom has been scolding me for it.

"She's worried about you, she said he has been looking for you. Now, I don't know who's the he that Gemma was talking about. But I don't have to guess that he's the man who broke your heart. Darling, talk to her?"

I sighed and finally nodded.

"Okay, I'll call her tonight."

"What? Why? She just arrived." Mom smiled wickedly.

I have been ignoring Gemma's call, thinking that I'll explain everything once I get back. But I didn't expect that she decided that she need to hassle me by coming to my parents'.

"Mom..." I pout but asked her where's my nosy cousin.

"Be nice, she's just trying to help."

"I know mom...it's okay,"

Is it?

Honestly, I just wanted to be left alone, I missed her, but I really don't want to be lectured at that moment.

"Gemma?"

I found her at the art studio, looking at my second painting of Brice. His side feature, capturing his shoulder. He was standing half-naked while looking out his bedroom window with all the shades of grey surrounding him.

"Oh, Ella!" she was quick to brace me, suffocating me with her death-loving hug.

"Gemma, what are you doing here?"

"I told you I'd visit. Damn, I'm really unwanted am I?"

"Are you running away from your boss? what happened?"

I pushed her back, peeling myself away from her arms. She usually respects my privacy but there was something off about her coming to my parents.

"It's Brice, he's been coming to our place, talking to Jacqueline and Benji."

Trying to calm myself down, I sit on my trusty stool. But I was curious at the same time and Gemma knew it.

"He looked terrible, as if he had done something to scare you off, he even thinks that he's a creepy stalker by coming to our place and befriending your friends and me."

Looking at Gemma, I know her thoughts already and I nodded. We both know who the real stalker is. But he didn't know, and I was keeping it that way because I was afraid of what would happen.

"Us, me and Brice, we were so good Gemma. I'm feeling stuff for him, and when he started opening up about his fiancee and the scandal with his stalker I just can't."

"Stalker scandal?"

"Yeah, I told you about it before, but he didn't say much and I tried to find out but there's nothing online about it. His agent must've made it disappear, or it was under another name. I don't know, Gemma."

We were talking, walking up the hills behind my parents' house. I always like this place, the scenery, the sky, the peacefulness, they're all making me forget about my trouble back in the city.

And apparently, Gemma looked like she needed the getaway too when she rest her back on the grass. Gemma looked like she was letting go of her problems at the same time.

"Okay, I don't know what's your problem is, but coming here is not just about me is it?" I propped my elbow to face her and wait for her answer.

But we were cut by our favorite guys from the ranch next door.

"Gemma, is that you?"

Danny, the youngest ranch worker greeted us and dismounted from the horse, while his two buddies were coming up close behind him.

"Oh, now I remember why you're so attached to this place." Gemma sit up and waved at Danny. She looked relieved that our conversation was cut short.

"Hey, it's not my fault that they're all gorgeous, half-naked, sweaty, and perfectly build to be gazed upon."

"Any moment now, we're waiting for the dollar bill to rain," Danny joked knowing we always tease them for flaunting their bodies to our eyes.

"Dude, never sells yourself short, I think she has a twenty somewhere in her pocket. Gemma, how are you? I'd like to hug you but I stink." Jack, the oldest of the three walked after releasing the rope attached to the horse halters and let the stallion graze with the rest of the horse.

Sam was patting his brown mare then followed Jack to join our little talk. It was almost five and they're just about done with their work hours. Gemma and I used to sit on the hill and wait for the guys to parade on their high horse, shirtless and delicious for our eyes to feast on.

But we've never been involved with any of them, we kind of grew up with them and think of them as our best friends sometimes annoying wanna-be brothers. None of us really clicked romantically, probably because they've always been busy with ranch work, but mostly because we have different interests.

"Ella?"

Danny's voice took me back to the present and he asked again about my paintings at my dad's workspace.

"Yeah, I'm finishing off my second painting today,"

"It's good by the way," Gemma said putting her hand in mine with a look on her face.

"Well, that doesn't look good," Sam said as he sit in front of us.

"You know I can never get tired looking at you guys," I tried to avert the conversation, but Jack saw right through me.

"Who hurt you? is this why you're hiding back at your parents? Gemma, why didn't you tell us?"

"Jack, please give the girl a break."

"Sam, you can't be serious? This is the second time she's back here in a month, Ella, just give me his address,"

Gemma laughed telling him to lose the caveman attitude.

"Jack, if she wants to go back to recharge then she should. Not all guys are like you, we're young, we just need to weed the bad guys out."

"Wait, you too?" Sam interrupted us, directing the question to Gemma who looked flushed and suddenly bite down on her words.

"Jeez, where do you find these men anyway?" he asked again while shaking his head.

"Look, mom told me to invite you guys for dinner. Are you guys available tonight?"

Danny was the first one to smile, that guy is always hungry. I still don't know where all the food went, his body is like ninety percent muscle.

"I miss your mom's cooking."

We all laughed at his words and all of the questions were left behind as we tease him about his eating habit.

I miss the easy life, sitting on the grass looking at the afternoon sun with the hot cowboys, laughing and talking while their horses were grazing.

While miles away my honey bun bun was apparently looking for me, waiting, and probably hated me. I was contemplating on telling the truth, it's hurting me already. At least I found out about his stalker thing early on, I can't be sure I'll be in the same condition if we're dating and I found out months later.

"Ella?"

Gemma was entering my room just when I was about to go to sleep. I was tired from finishing my last painting. It was almost twelve and I was ready to end the day.

"Gemma, what is it?"

"I think you should come back with me, I think you should end his misery, and yours too. Just tell him and let the situation unfold itself?"

"I've been thinking the same way, at least I had my chance with him. In some crazy coincidence way, I've never thought he would even look at me."

"So you will come back before he goes on his book tour?"

"Yeah, I have an exhibition in a couple of days, I'm finishing my last painting for pick up tomorrow morning. Brenton had arranged everything for me."

"So we're going back tomorrow?

"Yeah, I guess so."

What Gemma didn't know was that I've been spending my nights crying myself to sleep. I've been missing him so much that it hurts, and knowing that I'm going to lose him was hurting me more.

But I know it's only fair for me to tell him the truth, maybe if he hates me it'll be easier for me to let him go. Because each passing day I was falling apart, the fake smile I put for my parents was not helping me when it's time for me to end my day.

I was giving up on us but then realized there were no us, to begin with. I've started our thing with a lie, I know it was a risk from the beginning, yet I took my chances. So, I know I should be a big girl and rip off the bandage.

Tomorrow.

That night I opened my phone and text him a message.

Brice, I'm sorry for disappearing, but we will talk tomorrow. 8 pm, my place. (Ella)

I turned off my phone and let my tears fall as I rest my head on my pillow, just like I always have many nights before.