#25

Aurora
After a lot of confusing looks after my brother's challenge, we kind of left our ‘mates’ in the dark while my brother feigned showing me around the pack. Evander grumbled but Whinnie shushed him and interjected she had to update him on the last few days he'd been gone due to the rouges.

I walked next to my brother, my backpack slung over my shoulder lazily. My mind was content that I had my most important possessions on me. My heart was a little unnerved knowing that Blake was taking me aside not just to show me around but to attempt to get down to the bottom of the last 6 years. For now, he was smiling at the other inhabitants as he pointed out the kitchen and dining lean-too and the lean-too for laundry. Various pack mates' dwellings and so forth.

His words were going in one ear and out the other. I didn't want to hear about his mundane friendships. His community’s accomplishments, or how some guy named Dunn was the best carver he ever met… Well, ok, we could get back to that later. I truly did appreciate soulful craftsmanship. My brain mentally tags everything in Evander's house. All the structures we passed were built into the landscape under the cover of trees nestled into crevices and so forth. The roofs and such were covered in dense moss. From above, the settlement would be undetectable. I pushed back the observations to come back to them later.

The truth was, I needed him to tell me straight and soon because I was boiling with all the turmoil he had left me alone to deal with. The loss of him as my only companion that truly knew me and my parents all at once as a preteen. Had been a cocktail of suppressed powers, emotions, and mental brainwashing over many years. For a long time, I didn't know where I started, and the training began because I was about to explode when after our parents' loss I couldn't find him. For a sad while, I had mentally tried to figure out how to light myself on fire so I could join them. Evidently, the fire couldn't burn me.

Alas, here I was ready to unleash my turmoil on my brother when I caught the look someone gave him. It was a look of admiration, not the jealousy I was used to seeing in the eyes of the coven teens as we were growing up. The girls wanted to be with him and the boys wanted to take his place. It made me pause. Maybe there was something I couldn't see yet. Maybe I needed to take the time to learn more. Meet the people and learn about the place. I sighed as we came to a brook that came off the main waterway that cut through the valley and he finally stopped.

And this was where our dirty business would be had. He was good at picking this spot; it was not new. The sound of water and the sprouting wildlife around it would call me to be calm, but the raging hurricane inside me just wanted to feed the anger. The rage was a damn ready to burst.

“I get your mate is here, and all, but is that really the only reason you have to abandon me? No letter no card no vague email to let me know you were alive?” I asked staring at the water, not knowing if I wanted to hear his response. He stood next to me, eyes cast down at the same flowing stream I was.

“You may never believe me, and I don't blame you for that fact.” He started and paused in his words. He sighed deeply coming to terms with what he would tell me. “But every day I regretted I couldn't come to you or bring you here. Every day it was a struggle to not bring you up and lay out my guilt on the table to Whinnie and Evander. While in my life here I may have struggled at first. It's been good. However, I know the same can't be said for you. You have to understand.” He paused again shaking off the guilt evident in his voice. “I was young and freedom called. I never wanted to leave you alone, but I realized I also couldn't help you grow. When Ma and Pa passed, I about erupted the world in flames when the magic transferred. You know I’ve never had the control you do over your power.” He sighed.

“So the fire Evander told me about, that was you?” I asked. He nodded looking down in shame. “When their power left them and came to us, it was more than I could contain. You know I never had the strict command of my abilities you do.” He said it so simply, like it was a natural thing to hold an immense part of you at bay. “Blake,” I snapped. “You forget what I go through to keep that contained. It is not without effort. Things have changed over the years. The force is stronger and with recent events, I can feel it building.” I didn't care how bitter my tone sounded. Someone who actually knew me could finally hear what I had to say.

He absorbed my anger, and I realized I was facing a very different person than the one who had left cocky, prideful, and full of angst. He accepted my fury. Allowed it without judgment or comeback. “Evander said you put the fire out.” I queried. It was an ability he didn’t have before. I wanted facts as well as the penance of remorse I felt I was justified to. It was petty of me, but I wasn't allowing him any quarter.

He nodded again leaning back against a tree casually. I could tell that his mind was back in time, reminiscing about the day. He appeared almost stoic to me at that moment. I noticed new maturity in the way he held himself. We had always been honest with each other, even when it hurt. So, I wasn't sure where this conversation would head with my emotions. The anger was waiting. My jaw clenched with the effort of containment.

“I was somewhere out there surviving off the land when it hit me. The fire raged, and then the world went black. The next thing I knew, a pair of panicked blue eyes were staring into mine and the world spun and seemed to click into place all at once.” He had a soft smile on his face. “I was in the center of a clearing. Flames engulfed our surroundings.” He looked at me and I nodded. Knowing the feeling he was speaking of. “There was no way out, I simply couldn’t allow her to die and I just don't know how I managed it but something in me snuffed it. Like I absorbed it back into myself. Like how you give the energy back to the source I took it within myself. Ten acres of woodland burned and snuffed out.” He explained. “Just like that.” He added snapping his fingers. “I lost consciousness and woke up here. The mating bond pull was too strong to resist, and I was a wolf within a fortnight. I drowned my grief in her love, Aurora.” “You were only 12. You still had things to learn, and I knew only Aunt Bess could teach and counsel you on the things she’d dedicated to pulling out of all of those old books. Those things saved your life more than once,” he said as he eyed me, like he was pleading with me to see sense. “I was not equipped to handle it. I was a poor student. Would have been an even worse teacher, and it took me a long time to settle in here, getting used to becoming one of them, having an entirely new set of instincts” He tried to make me see reason, and it was working just a little. I couldn't argue with sense. But the fury was still simmering under the surface.

“Is it that bad?'' I asked, looking at him, wondering what it would be like if I stayed here and became one of them. “My circumstances were different. In my grief I won't deny I rushed it. The love was so instant with Whinnie, I just engulfed myself with my instinct to be with her. I'm not going to lie. I am not in the least bit happy that my little sister is all grown up and womanly. As well as being my Alpha's mate. No, brother wants to have to think about things like that. But I can't deny he is the best man I know next to Pa,” I nodded feeling emotions in my throat. He had no idea, I thought remembering the feeling of basking in the glow of his soul.

I wandered closer to the water's edge and sat on a log, watching how the water skimmed around the rocks protruding from the surface. He sat next to me, waiting for my response to his confessions. There was the part of me that got it, the logical Aurora who managed herself, but I didn't want to be her. I wanted to pour out the fury of my self-pity like the vile acid it felt like running through my veins. I wanted to shout at him and make him really, tell me why, not just the reasons that made sense. The same pathetic answer kept coming back to me.

“Am I truthfully that much of a burden?” It came out cold and bitter. I could practically taste the ice on my tongue. There was a stray tear that I allowed to fall. I glanced at his shocked expression shaking my head and looking out over the water again. “I never asked for this, Blake. All I ever wanted was to be normal, or at least appear normal.” Be able to hope for ‘normal’ things.” I took in a deep breath before continuing.

“When Ma and Pa passed, we couldn't find them. After their power was transferred, I was comatose for 3 days with ‘the fever’. After a week of the coven combing through all the possibilities. I forced the dreams. Watching them die over and over again. I saw their last moments, the last breaths. It took Bess days to drag me out. It was never as easy for her as it was for you to share my mind.” My voice choked with emotion. I had needed him and he wasn’t there. “Shit,” he said, remorse thick and evident in his voice. His hand scrubbed his face, looking up at the sky for answers. My eyes looked up at him watching a gyrfalcon coast across the sky.

“Knowing now what you were dealing with, my mind gets it to a point. But I don't know if my heart can forgive 6 years of being written off Blake. After the incident, I started my own kind of training. Chasing visions like it was an obsession. I had to be better, be able to fend for myself. I never planned to stay there. Just needed a way to drop off the face of the earth like someone else I knew. Bess was never the wiser, till the day I walked out into the wilderness. She seemed oddly proud I kept things from her. She always wondered what was triggering the fevers.” The tip of my boot was subconsciously wearing at a spot in the damp earth as my mind attempted to pull together what needed to be said.

“I've seen things I can't unsee, and I wonder when this,” I said gesturing to my ankle. “Finally wears away what type of monstrosity I’ll be left to deal with. I'm done, Blake. I'm not hiding anymore. If it's not here that I settle, I'll find somewhere where I can just be. But I won't be anyone's burden anymore.” I spoke with finality. I glanced at my brother's concerned expression as he took in my words. “Goddess, blessed or not, I still have my free will. No matter if I want this bond with Mr fluffy or not, if this is going to be more of the same, I'm out. I refuse to endanger anyone if the trail can't be erased. I want this to work as intended, but my trust has been tested and my heart is weary of anything ‘good.’ I don't know how to be accepted, how to grow relationships.” I finished as I let out a heavy sigh. Looking out at the water, I wondered if this was the place where I could ‘just be’.

“Roura,” He muttered. I looked into his eyes. Had to face what he had to say. “I never saw you as a burden. I always felt like a fuckup, an awful example, and you were always bailing me out of my shortcomings. You were just a kid. Sure, there were moments like any other siblings have where I was a troubled teen annoyed by my pest of a sister. But there was always a part of me that wished people could know just how amazing you are. I never liked what we had to do to keep you safe, but at the time I knew it was necessary.” The sincerity leached off him.

“Let’s face it brother, my ‘specialness’ affected all of your lives. It was a burden and I still might be.” I stated, looking to him to tell me otherwise. I doubt he could deny my concerns, but his response floored me. “Aurora, I don't want you to leave, you are entitled to your free will. If anyone deserves to be accepted and cherished, it's you. You have always given selflessly of yourself no matter how little others offered you. But, before you start pushing everyone away due to the fear that they may hurt you. Know this. In this place and with these people. You can be free. They will cherish your soul, not your abilities. You will find peace out here, away from the world you left, and your mate will protect you over anything else out of love, not duty. You may not believe me now, but just give the people a chance. There is something about being here with them that changed me. It took time, but once the wolf in me settled and my angst dissolved, I realized that here I could let things just be and that was ok. I don't want to lose you again. I know I have a lot to make up for and my reasons may not be good enough for you. Please, all that I ask is that you try to forgive me over time, even though I don’t deserve it.”

He paused looking out over the water. “Honestly Sis, Pa was right. We don't belong out there. That world is swallowing this one up. We belong here where The Mother intended us to be. And I feel blessed she brought you here. I hope I have the chance to show you how sorry I am that this had to be the way it was. I will not deny I may try to sway you to stay, but I will honor whatever decision you choose. However, I can’t say the same for my mate or yours.” he said with a slightly amused smile.

He had matured while he had been here. Could I find it in my heart to one day forgive him? Did I want this bond with the Alpha? Did I want to be a wolf? Could I handle being accepted by people when I was used to pushing them away? This place was all I could have ever wanted. Family, acceptance, and being able to be my true self. No more looking over my shoulder. Could it be that easy? I had been silent for some time, my eyes watching a herd of deer down the way on the other end of the waterway. I was looking for some type of sign. That's when I heard it, the soft cooing of doves nestled above us in the tree. Not all doves flew south. Some chose to remain throughout the winter instead of migrating. The pair above us apparently included.

Blake heard it too. He glanced up and looked at me with a smirk. “Has The Mother answered you?” he asked, leaning back and appraising me. “Aye,” I said allowing my heart to swallow its fury and accept the fact that this wasn't all about me. “She has spoken, but you forgot one thing,” I said, smirking back up at him. “What’s that?” He questioned. “I'm going to be an Auntie!” I shouted grinning broadly. Blake leaned back and gave out a hearty laugh. “I’ve missed you, Sis.”