70

“What does it feel like to change forms?” I asked after sliding off the filly. He started pulling off blankets from the saddle. My eyes strayed as his muscles tensed and slackened as he worked. I just wanted to get lost in him and not think about the rest of it. He glanced at me, obviously trying to put the puzzle pieces of my avoidance, to talk about something I was obviously dealing with to change the subject. “The first time it will hurt, but only for a few moments. Because you were not born to this, your body will make the final change under the light of the moon.” I nodded leaving the halter on but disconnecting the reins. “Any other tidbit of information I need to know about how all this works? It seems easy enough when you do it, but linguistics and all, this isn’t something like my powers that come naturally to me, and I’ve done a lot of training to control that aspect of myself.” I added wanting to know everything I was up against if everything I had already been through wasn't enough and the helplessness I carried deep inside for the woman in the dream was ebbing my ability to be sane at the moment, and I could do nothing.


Evander watched me, not voicing the concern over my actions. “She’s fine, she’s not going anywhere,” I said with frustration. He rarely questioned me, but everything in life was irritating me at the moment. “How exactly do you know, Love?” he asked. “I know you feel them, read them or talk to them, but what is it exactly? How does it work? And why are you agitated?” He asked. I grabbed my pack off the horse chucking it harshly to the side before loosening the girth of the saddle. I patted her rear excusing her from our presence. Giving me a wide birth she launched to the outside of the clearing.

Evander glanced at the horse before his gaze came back to me. I sank down, my back leaning against the bark of a large tree. ‘I’m not fine, Okay?’ I whispered to his mind. “Love,” his emotion-filled voice clearly felt the bubble up of all the things I had been suppressing. I just let the door that held the turmoil of my emotions fly open. His eyes widened as he felt the full force of what I was dealing with under the surface of it all.

The rage, at not being able to do more. Inadequacy of not being able to protect. The image of the girl flittered across my memory. “Why?,” I choked out. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks from the corners of my eyes. He crossed the distance and I felt him pull me into the warmth of his solid, steady chest. My roots. My memory latching on to the horrific details of the vision, the nightmare. I tried to push him away, but his grip was firm, and I relented leaning back into the comfort of his smell of pine and earth. “The date,” I whispered. “Hasn’t happened yet. I couldn’t find out more. I can’t stop it. Why would fate give me this vision that leaves me helpless now? Why would destiny’s bitch show me that?” I spat. My tears rolled freely now, the fucking dam unleashed. I had shed more tears in the last 2 weeks than I had since the death of my parents.

Vulnerable, it was something I had shown too much of to him. That first embrace in the woods, when my body failed my magic when I woke helpless to the visions. He had seen me bare, naked before him in every way. It seemed only a heartbeat ago I was cloaked, hidden, paralyzed, by the fear of myself. Now people counted on me, I couldn’t hide away. I was expected to do, to lead, to be seen. Amy…

“And.. and.. I don’t know what Amy saw. I pray it wasn’t that or worse. She’s a child Evander! I dont know how I’m supposed to do this and I can feel tendrils of unease,” I let out. “Silas?” he asked. I nodded. Apparently, he had been more observant than I had given him credit for. He had pulled me into his lap, cradled against his firm chest, his cheek to my brow. “All I know, Love, is that anything is possible with you,” his voice was broken and raw, as if he choked on the emotions I was feeling. My heart staggered and my soul clenched around his, in turn, his wrapped around mine in a protective hold.

“We never asked for this,” he said stroking my hair. My emotions were taming at the sound of his voice, his actions they were what quieted my fears, with his raw belief in us they…my feelings… believed him but did I? “A week ago I almost died, a month ago I was just a girl hiding powers. Now my powers, my new abilities and instincts, my seemingly depraved sexuality. The animal that now prowls consciously, yet still sleeps in the depths of my mind. The ghost of her preens with each action, each choice I make. As if she still measures my worthiness of her, though you claim she is destined to me.” Evander grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into his sapphire gaze. “You have been found worthy, and you have been blessed. Together, we will change… Everything.” His sweet whispers tickled my ear, my heart, my soul, all of me caved. “Your so sure?” I choked out. “I am,” he said huskily as he tenderly kissed my cheek.

“Every jaded soul your visions seek we will avenge as best we can,” He promised. “Not without protecting this place,” I challenged. He nodded, “We will never forsake this place. This is our sanctuary. I will not have it marred if I can help it.” We skipped our jerky and dried fruit for dinner and opted for the acceptance of each other’s arms. Our stomachs would survive the hunger, but our souls would be well fed.

The echo of his emotions through the bond vibrated with understanding and awe. He was not disgusted or ashamed of my breakdown. He remained my lifeline in the angry sea, that threatened to drown me.