#58

Aurora

When I got to the hot springs, my brain let up, and my mind loosened. The embarrassment I had felt earlier in the day was forgotten. I had to let go of who I used to be to become who I would be. Blake and Whinney came out of the trees. The hippie dress I wore ended right below my knees. The weather was cold, but the wolf ingraining herself further within me was shielding me from the icy air. I wore Amy’s wreath on my head and I was ready to shed my past, hoping it granted me my future. Evander was my first and last, my life’s future or the death of who I could be, and his people so far I longed for. I wanted the community. I wanted to lead them. Wanted to be a part of them, to guide and protect them.

There was Amy to consider as well. I couldn’t just walk away from a little girl with gifts she needed to be guided through. I had lived that life. She needed someone to lean on in the dark times. Was I even able to walk away from her and abandon her as I had been? I didn’t think I could. Not unless it endangered her to be here. Could I protect them? Would it be possible to stay in this little bubble in the world unnoticed with the task handed to us? I didn't think so.

Was the cost too great? Would my existence among them bring them more sorrow and pain than joy and fusion? My goddess was not theirs and the daughter was more giving than The Mother. The Mother took far more than she gave, granting life and stealing it away in the blink of an eye. She worked on a balance of scales. She couldn't pick one tarot card to be. All of them were her. The priestess, the hierophant, justice, death, the devil, and all the others. I was her earthly child to a degree and, at some point, I would have to do the work she put me here to do. Not being granted this ‘gift’ without a purpose. If I was here disposing of my old life, and my old negative train of thought. In reality, I probably couldn’t hide forever and the lonely broken souls that had collected just beyond our valley. They deserved a chance, just like I did. I had seen the cracks and holes in those souls and I knew we would have to rise as a community to give them the safety and understanding they would need to heal, repair, and strengthen.

I let it all ramble out as I sunk into the water. I just walked deeper. Feeling the surrounding energy. Tranquility flooded me. I would use the traumas of my past to bolster and steady myself. As I descended deeper into the steamy pool, a sense of peace washed over my soul. I was who I was and who I will be. My past was no longer a barrier. It was simply a legend on the map of who I was becoming. letting the girl I once was free. That girl had no family, no compass and nobody really cared about her worth in herself, but in the worth, she could have given them. If they had known what she was. Now, with my strengthened powers, I was a force to be reckoned with. I would protect what was mine and I would challenge any who came knocking to wreak havoc in our lives. I would be the protector of their wildness, their freedom, as well as my own, and our healing. Someone would have to answer for the transgressions against them. I would be the justice that set them free.

What mattered? Evander saw the core of who I was, and in the depths of my soul, I knew he would not forsake me. Blake knew my past and I was ready to forgive him his transgressions, and so far I had let everyone here see me. I was raw and awkward as I was getting used to being myself, but from here on out, I would only be true to who I was... Yes, the humans we had to hide from and yes I slipped up a tiny bit there with Dana. Our people mattered. This could work, 99% of myself was convinced this was the only way. In my mind, I stared down the 1%. If the councils come… let them, I’ll be waiting and ready to show them just where they can shove their egos and their oppression. Luna or not, I was here and I would protect the pack of my mate with or without the title. If that meant leaving with Evander, then so be it but right now my logic was telling me running wasn’t the answer. Our job is to love and protect our people and I will do just fucking that, I said to myself emerging from the water I hadn’t realized I had fully submerged in. The water dripped down my body and seeped heavily into the fabric of the dress. The wreath in my hair had seemed to grow tendrils into my hair to keep it in place as they receded now. Was that my instinct to use my magic, or did little Amy have more gifts to explore?

I blinked, and the betas hesitantly held out a towel. “Blake, before we get into this, we need to talk. Whinnie you are welcome to join us, and Millie, if she is free. My heart had decided where it needed to be. I felt a renewal blossom within me as I cast off my past life, as my new one was going to be so much more than I could have anticipated. Living as myself felt good.

It was time to give fate a cookie. I would hope in this she was on my side. ‘Evander?’ I reached out. ‘Yes, love.’ he replied. ‘I think that it’s time we are honest and open with the pack about what I am. They cannot get to know me if I'm still a vast mystery. It's time to trust in them and allow them to decide for themselves.’ I informed.