I SAVED MYSELF

A few more minutes passed we were both silents. We could only hear the loud waves of the sea and the sigh of each other.
“Can we go swimming? You should change your clothes. You don’t have to wear that anymore especially when we’re together,” he said in a threatening tone.
I nodded and stood up. I stopped him and walked towards the sea. There are strong waves. The surroundings are shady and the wind is strong. It seems to be raining again. I still heard him call but I didn't pay attention to it anymore.
When I felt I was deep I immersed myself in the water. I saw him swim towards me so I went deeper just to get away from him. As much as possible, I don’t want him near me even though I already feel him on my skin. I don't want what happened to happen again. Not to be, Rae. Wake up!
“Hey,” he called me softly.
His head was so wet that the seawater was slightly dripping down his face. I can’t still deny the fact of how good-looking he is. If I hadn't been so sane I might have asked him more because of how he looked.
I just looked at him. Trace to him that he is happy. Why?
"Thank you... for everything," he uttered then held my hand under the water.
I tried to withdraw my hand but he held it tightly so my forehead furrowed.
"W-why?"
“You just don’t know but you saved me. I hope to see you again. I’m looking forward to it. I want to know you.”
I could no longer answer when I felt the rain slowly falling. I saw how he smiled at me. Genuinely. He even lost his eyes.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked him and smiled at him.
He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Do you regret it?" I boldly asked him.
He lost that smile. His eyes darkens and looked away from me. Because I didn't regret it. No.
"I'm not," he replied sparingly. "But... do you want to know my name?" he added so I was immediately shaken.
"Why?"
"I just don't want to," I simply replied to him and sprinkled water on his face.
I heard his baritone laughter so I laughed, too. I swam away from him, near the seashore.
I didn’t know you but you got me so well. You gave me all the strange feelings and I’m starting to care for you that much. I feel like I don’t want to go. I want to stay here for a long time but I can’t. Is it worth taking a risk?
When he approached me again he quickly arrested me. He grabbed my hand tightly again and brought his body closer to me so I was alert, but he just stared at me. As if he’s scanning my face thoroughly. As if he was memorizing my whole being.
“I will always remember the first time I saw you...” he suddenly uttered.
I was stunned. It takes time for me to process the whole thing. It happened too fast. I just realized that our lips met again. Fast, but the moment becomes so slow.
Now, I know how it feels what the magic can do to us — it’s amazing yet so horrifying. I want to ask him — do you like me? But I'm scared. Maybe not. Maybe it’s just one of his games.
I wanted to live here in my dreams. Where there is no hassle, no pain, and exhausting feeling.
What happened next was that I was no longer silent. We stayed under the sea while feeling the heavy rain. I couldn't even feel the cold in my body because his palm was so hot. He was still holding my hand.
"Why are you silent?" He asked irritated.
I looked at him tiredly. Still not responding.
“As for what happened, I’m sorry. I know, it's a foul but it looks like I want to kiss you. I can not understand myself!" He hissed and stops for a second and stared at me tiredly.
“I want to punch myself for doing that to you but I want you to know that I do not regret it. I'm glad I met you. You saved me,” he added, hooking my mouth.
I can't utter a word as if I can't think of anything. I blinked a few times so that I could somehow calm myself down from crying. As a writer, I know how love works. It runs a lot. It has a lot to do above all, it has a lot to go through.
We barely knew each other and that was a huge blow for us!
This time, I want to think. I know I'm starting to like him but I don't want to feel the pain. I'm not ready. I don’t know if I’ll be ready yet.
I walked away from him and went back deep. Quite far from him. I don’t even know him but I know there is an issue right now in his life. He is still in love with his ex-fiancé for fuck’s sake! I don’t even know if they’ve separated or what. He's just here now to forget.
“Stop following me! I don't even know you. Why are you doing this?” Disgusted I told him and stopped swimming when I felt bloated, but it didn't bother me.
“I told you, I want to know you! Why are you leaving?” He asked me an annoying question. "Stop moving!" He added.
"I already told you I don't want to talk about what happened!"
"Hoseah?"
"What?" I shouted. I can still feel the pain of my foot under the water.
He did not answer me. Instead, he mentioned the name again. Hoseah...
His eyes were full of hunger for love as if he had seen someone he had long wanted to see. I turned around and there I saw a woman. Beside the seashore. She looks nice and gorgeous. The two of us were at sea while that woman was at the seashore. I was in the right. He was in the middle and she was on the left. Their gaze remained unmoved. The girl on the left was teary-eyed, indeed her eyes were full of passionate, too.
I gasped when I saw how he swam towards the seashore. Leaving me in pain due to the swelling of my feet. As soon as he got up I was surprised at what the woman did next.
She arched her arms around his neck and kissed him.
I feel overwhelmed. The next thing I felt was the rise of the cold all over my body and more pain in my feet so I was completely submerged in the water. I was in so much pain that I could not move forward. I had been drinking sea water and my ear was slowly hurting.
I cried. I screamed for help but nobody can hear me because I was under water. I was hoping he could notice me, but I was wrong.
I'm drowning! Fucking help me!
I forced myself to swim upwards when I felt the pain in my foot was gone. I don’t know how many minutes I’ve been under the water but I’m sure it’s been a long time because I’ve drunk a lot.
As soon as I could breathe the air I burst into tears of fear and pain. What if I really drowned and I died? What will happen to my family?
I cried even more when I saw him walking away from where I was. The woman still hugged him.
Maybe that's just the way it is. It’s worst than I thought. I know he still loves someone but I didn’t expect this to be the scenario. He chose and I was not the one he chose.
I almost drowned. I was about to die but he didn’t even notice because his world was spinning again with that ‘person’. I guess, I saved him since the day we met but no one saves me from drowning.
I am alone. Under. I saved myself. In death, but not in him.