I'M LEAVING

“I’m sorry, Rae. I can’t let you go home alone. We are only here for a few days. Why don't you just wait?” Ms. Rochelle told me and glanced at me.
I looked away from her immediately when I noticed that she was actually scanning me from head to toe. Disgusted, I chose to calm my mind because maybe that's all I could say to her.
“I just need to go home, Miss. This vacation trip is not helping me. I mean...” I gasped when I remember what happened.
I took a deep breath and sat down next to her. I feel the burning of my will because my anger toward myself. I don’t know what I will feel first. Is it physically tired and sick or not? Nor do I understand what happened. How it happened or where it started.
“What’s happening to you? You seem to be under a lot of stress. Yesterday we were waiting for you to come back to the hotel because we were going to take you to activities but you didn’t come,” she told me worriedly and tapped my shoulder.
I bit my lower lip. I should have just returned to the hotel immediately. I would never have let it all happen. I wouldn’t have been forced to be with that man. It wouldn’t have happened at all if he had let me back to the hotel earlier!
“Are you okay, Rae? If you really want to go home, I can arrange your flight but that’s on you. The company will no longer shoulder your fare home,” she suggested.
I just kept looking away. I feel like I’m still not in the mood.
I woke up just exactly 2 AM that day. I almost died of nervousness when I felt heaviness in my head and pain in that part. At the same time, I could hear deep breathing beside me. My hopes were dashed when I saw him. Naked and only a blanket covered his body like mine.
A few more times I wished I was just dreaming, but I couldn’t because I could still feel the pain in that part of me. I also remember very well what happened last night. I was so drunk and I let my other self eat me. I couldn’t even imagine to myself what I did and said. I feel disgusted and embarrassed, so at that time, I let the farmer take me back to the resort. And now I am still here, begging this old woman to let me go home because I don't want to be in this place anymore!
“Can you do that? I can pay, Miss Rochelle. Just let me go home,” I told her in a hurry and looked around the resto while holding my head.
Damn you, Astraea! What were you thinking that night? You are still not satisfied with the smell of his clothes. Why do you even smell him? Where has your stupidity taken you? In a sin you never thought you could. Stupid!
After I talked with Miss Rochelle, I went out to the resto to put away my belongings. I went straight to my room and took all my belongings. I have already put everything back in the suitcase.
While I was taking a break, I just noticed that I was still wearing his long sleeve polo. I'm still fine because I can't take care of myself in such a hurry. I need to go back to Manila before he sees me. I don't want to see him.
When I finished, I went out again to ask what time my flight was, but I guess I made the wrong decision to go out. I saw him walking towards me with his dark expression. My heart almost went out of my chest when I saw him, to the point that I couldn’t even move. I was suddenly stuck in my position until he could get close to me.
“I’m sorry...” he said wild-eyed while clenching his jaw.
I didn’t answer him. I averted my eyes from him when I felt my tears welling up. I don’t know what kind of feeling I have right now. I feel like he shouldn’t be the one to apologize. I must be that.
“I’m sorry. Please, talk to me. I didn’t mean to... to take advantage of your weakness,” he added. I can feel his remorse now.
I bit my lower lip. I sigh violently because I can’t look at him because of the extreme embarrassment I feel.
"I... I'm leaving," I almost whispered to him.
I heard his crunchy curses so I looked at him. His hair is still messy and it looks like he just woke up. His clothes were different and I could clearly see that he was tired.
"But what about what happened—"
“No, please. Stop that. I don’t need it," I told him, I cut him off.
Before he could speak I turned my back on him. I was about to go back inside the hotel when he suddenly grabbed my wrist and violently pulled me back in front of him.
"Don't do this," he told me firmly and stared at me.
“What? I want to go home!" I hysterically said to him and violently withdrew my hand from him.
He combed his hair and looked at me again.
“Why are you so innocent? I can't even face you now because I'm ashamed of what we did but I did it because I feel guilty and ashamed of myself! Why are you leaving so soon?” he almost shouted at me.
I could clearly see his suffering at these ‘times’ so I felt guilty. Disgusted, I stared at the emptiness just to hold back my tears and then turned to look at him.
“I’m fine! Why are you acting like that?”
“Because you’re still a virgin. Last night. And I took that from you without your permission,” he uttered. His expression darkens while gazing at me.
I averted my eyes from him and searched for the right answer to what he said. My eyes began to roll because I knew he was still staring at me. I walked away from him slowly, towards the seashore. I felt like he was just following me so I continued to walk slowly.
"What are you thinking?" I heard him ask me so I stopped.
I deadly stared at him. “I can't talk about what happened. Can we just forget about it and just stay like this, like nothing happened?” I begged to him.
I lazily sit on the sand. I saw him sitting next to me too so I let him go.
"Are you sure?"
“Just stop mentioning it. Please,” I told him angrily out of embarrassment.