Chapter 51: Taran

I'm not dead.
I haven't turned into a Primitive.
I want to be grateful, but I'm too stunned. Shock is stealing the warmth from my limbs leaving behind tremors. I'm shaking, chilled to the bone as Diogo twists to look over his shoulder. I turn my gaze behind him, but I see nothing. Then he's tearing the bandana from his neck and wrapping it around mine. Pain slices through me as his knuckles brush against the bite. I flinch but he holds me still while he knots the end, securing it. I reach up to touch my neck, but he drags my hand away.
"Don't touch it," he growls, his hand tight around mine. He leans forward until his nose almost touches mine. "No one can see this bite, understand?"
I frown, trying to understand, but I'm dizzy with pain and exhaustion is beginning to seep in. I'd watched a friend die, climbed the wall and ran across the desert, then was attacked by a rabid horde, followed by an almost deadly reunion with my Warlord husband. All of that after a very stressful dinner party. It had been a long day.
He touches the collar of my dress and I look down. The white material is soaked in blood. My blood, the Primitive's blood. Diogo unbuttons his military coat and tugs it off his broad shoulders. He wraps it around me, pulling my arms through the sleeves before buttoning it back up as far as it'll go.
He grips my good shoulder and searches my eyes. I know what he's looking for. He still thinks I'll turn. I still feel like myself, but I don't know what it feels like to turn, so I can't reassure him.
He glances behind him again, then turns back. "No one can see the bite." When I just stare at him blankly, he gives my shoulder a hard squeeze and growls. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you, Taran? Repeat the words."
I swallow, wetting my parched throat and say, "I understand."
"What do you understand?" he demands.
I give my head a little shake, trying to clear the cobwebs. The shock is starting to lift, clearing my mind. "I have to keep the bite hidden." My voice sounds foreign to my ears, scratchy and painful. I lift a hand to my neck, but he slaps it again and grabs my hand, squeezing hard.
His voice is rough with intensity when he speaks. "If my men see the bite, they won't understand. You'll be killed on the spot. No questions, no time to think about it. Don't talk about it, don't touch it again."
I shudder and nod my understanding. They'll kill me, the way Diogo was about to, the way he should have. "I'll be careful, Diogo."
He grips my arm and stands, pulling me to my feet. I clutch him as a wave of dizziness hits me. He doesn't wait for me to recover, he starts walking, pulling me with him. As soon as I put weight on my right ankle pain shoots up my leg and it gives out. I start to pitch forward, but Diogo turns swiftly and rights me before I can fall. He looks at me questioningly.
"I twisted it," I explain, shifting all my weight to my left leg.
"Fuck," he snarls. He sheaths his knife and drags me against him, stooping to slide an arm around my waist and pinning me to his tall frame. He pulls his sidearm and starts forward, dragging me with him. "I can't carry you. I need to keep at least one arm free. There could be more Primitives heading toward the fight. They'll have heard those gunshots from miles off."
I don't say anything, conserving my energy. I hobble as fast as I can, tripping against Diogo's side as we move back toward the cars and his men. Tears of pain leap to my eyes, but I do my best to hang onto them. I need to be tough now, need to not be any more of a burden to Diogo. As we walk I realize the area has become eerily silent. Which means either our side won, or the Primitives took everyone out and then scattered, looking for more fresh meat.
My heart leaps into my throat as we round the rocks and half-dead trees, entering into the clearing with all the vehicles. I nearly vomit at the sight that greets me. Bodies are scattered across the ground, heads and limbs severed. Next to a vehicle, the driver's door is open, a body half in, half out, as if he tried to climb inside to safety. Another man lays in a pool of blood, his throat ripped out. Gaping wounds to his back tell me he was attacked by a Primitive and didn't survive long enough to turn. I move away, tucking myself tight against Diogo.
Men stand near vehicles at the head of the rock formation. I realize most are wearing military uniforms, while the ones that aren't are on their knees in the dirt, hands behind their heads. I try to search their faces for Xavier, but everyone is in various stages of dirty, bloody and beaten. Then Diogo drags me past everyone toward his jeep. I twist around, but he opens the door and shoves me inside, closes the door and stands next to it, blocking my view. Or blocking their view of me.
"Cruz," he snaps, drawing the attention of his second-in-command. He jerks his head and Cruz strides over.
The front of Jorje's uniform is splattered in blood and it's been smeared up the side of his face and into his hair as though he ran a bloody hand through it. I swallow the bile rising in my throat and lean back in the seat forcing myself to breathe long and slow. Diogo places his arm over the door frame and fills the opening completely with his big body. With Diogo now fully in the way, I'm unable to see Jorje and he can't see me either. I shudder as I realize what would happen if Jorje discovers my injury. We need more time to pass without me turning before we can tell anyone.
They hold a low-voiced conversation that I can't hear and then Diogo straightens away from the door and says loudly, "Take the prisoners back into the city. Move quickly, make sure you avoid Primitives. You don't need to be fighting them with a band of Outsiders in your custody."
"Yes, Commander."
Diogo strides around the vehicle. Jorje's gaze lingers on me, taking in his Commander's jacket, dwarfing my much smaller frame. A frown lingers on his face for a moment then he steps away and heads back to his men, shouting orders at them to secure their prisoners and head back to the city.
Diogo slides into the driver's seat and fires the jeep's engine. He hits the gas so hard the tires spin in the dirt before we start moving. Diogo looks utterly terrifying, his face is set in harsh lines, his shoulders stiff and his knuckles white on the steering wheel. My actions have created a gulf between us. The last thing I should do is bring attention to them. Still, I have to know what happened to my ex-husband.
"Diogo? Did you see Xavier back there?" I speak softly, already cringing in my seat, knowing what his reaction will be. "Was he captured, or or ?" I leave the sentence hanging, unable to finish it.
Diogo turns glacial eyes to me, his condemnation stabbing at me. Then he turns his gaze back to the desert, declining to answer. His eyes move constantly, all around us, through the windshield, my window, his, the rear-view mirror. He's looking for Primitives. I look too, but I don't see anything. Dusk is rapidly falling and I realize it's only been a few hours since the explosion, since I climbed the wall and ran through the Sonoran desert. Since the attack.
I twist in my seat, glancing behind us. Several cars are following well behind ours, dust clouds puffing up in every direction. Diogo's military.
"How do you feel?" Diogo asks, surprising me. I know he's furious, but his fear for my well-being is taking a front seat, for now.
"I feel I feel okay, I think. No changes that I can tell." I start to lift my hand to my neck and then drop it, remembering his insistence that I not touch the wound. "It hurts a lot though. The bite. And my ankle too."
He nods, his sharp eyes taking me in at a glance, but he doesn't say anything. I feel cold despite the heavy jacket wrapped around me. He blames me for leaving the city with Xavier. Maybe blames me for Garrett's death, if he even knows. As I think of Garrett, the tears start. A good man, doing his job to protect me and losing his life in the process.
This day has been too much, all of it. The loss of friends, of conviction. The loss of Diogo's regard. I turn my head to the side so he can't see me as I weep. I've broken the trust Diogo and I built between us and I don't know if it can be recovered.